(no subject)
i'm reading a new book. it's pissing me off. it's about sex and a quest of which i've given up. 6 pages into it it has a very intimate sex scene that's just gay. :/ i dont' like that girl.
i'm so tired. i wen tto bed at 2:30 and i got up at 5:15. i'm exhausted. i havent eaten for days. i lost track after 3 or 4. :/ im tired of being who i am.
i wanna be perfect.
i keep getting let down by people. it's pissing me off. pretty soon i'm not gonna have any friends cos i'll have shoved them all away and i'll just be a walking cyborg. why can't you just fucking do what you say you're gonna do?
brandy's also pissing me off. she's such a rude bitch to everyone and then she wonders why she doesn't have any true friends. what the fuck? she's so mean to her boyfriend and she hurts him but she thinks that everyone on the planet wants her and that brent is lucky to be with her. k. i'm sorry, but right now, she can go shove a stick up her perfect fat ass and take a think on the fact that she's a hypocritical snide bitch. .....
so i went to starbucks w/ laura (my best friend) and brandy the other day, and like...brandy and her are talking about weight etc etc etc. i'm not really saying anything, okay, well i didnt's ay anything at all actually cos i was listening and it pisses me off because if i even say anything about my weight they both get mad at me and call me names. so i'm just sitting there, eating my ice cream, listening to brandy struggle to outdo laura with all of her problems. i finally was getting tired of it and was thinking about other things, and then brandy turns, looks at me and then says "good! now rusti knows how i feel when i dont talk with you guys." and continues to turn back to laura and go back to talking about weight problems with her. excuse me, correct me if i'm wrong, but is that fucking rude or am i insane? so i just got up and left, and went to target with amanda.
i was already kind of miffed at her (yes i know, british word) about how much of a rude bitch she is to her boyfriend, whom i absolutely love coz he's awesome. and i'm just like...where the fuck do you think you have the right to tell me anything at all?
so now, im comp class, she's talking to laura about how much of a bitch i am, and it's really funny because every time something like this happens, it's always the other person's fault. i'm sick of it. she can go fuck herself.
i miss him.
Here I am on the phone again and...
Awkward silences on the other end
I used to know the sound of a smile in your voice
But right now all I feel is the pain of the fighting starting up again
All the things we talk about
You know they stay on my mind, on my mind
All the things we laugh about
they'll bring us through it every time,
After time, after time
Some say that time changes,
best friends can become strangers
But I don't want that, no not for you
If you just stay with me we could make it through
So here we are again the same old argument
Now I'm wondering if things will ever change
When will you laugh again,
laugh like you did back when
We'd make noise 'til 3 am,
And the neighbors would complain
All the things we talk about
You know they stay on my mind, on my mind
All the things we laugh about
they'll bring us through it every time,
After time, after time
I'm fallin...
I'm fallin...
I'm fallin down
Down, down,down...
Don't say a word,
I know you feel the same
Just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything
Please don't walk away,
I know you wanna stay
If you just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything
-- r
