i can't think of a subject
wow
kent informed me last night that ih avent posted for over two weeks! damn. where has the time gone.
well, on tuesday i got out of all of my classes for the day because i took pictures for miss fischer, for the yearbook. tuesday was academy day so there were lots of 7th-8th graders here touring the school. me and danae got to run around taking pictures and video of it and it was fun. mr anderson got mad at me though cos i was supposed to play in band and sing in choir...and he finally made me get up there w/ the camera in my independent shirt and jeans...it was kinda funny cos everywone else was wearing their band dresses (black) and here i am w/ a camera and a ponytail and a grey shirt and jeans. it was funny but i think he's a little bit odd at times.
well i spoke to miss fischer yesterday at tutorial and apparently she was very pleased with the pictures i took... (i took over 200) and wants me to take pcitures this weekend for alumni weekend. it'll be fun but i wanted to hang out w/ my friends :< oh well.
laura broke up w/ her boyfriend today...aparently he was treating her like shit over the phone and then being completely different around her at school...he's kinda odd, that guy. :/ we skipped basically all of choir to talk about it cos she was reallly upset. i love you lola! :D
dontcha hate being confused? i've been fighting with him*cough* for a whlie now and i dont really understand why. it's kinda a weird situation and i somewhat regret sending him that shit that i wrote...(most of you will be clueless but you know, shit happens). on the other hand, he's now going all strange on me and telling me i shouldn't tlak to him or something to that effect. what's that gonna solve?
i hate it when people break up and they cant' stay friends w/o killing each other first. it kinda sucks because it's not only chlidish but its sad :( that means imma lose a lot of friends throughout life just cos ill break up w/ em. it's not their fault though...i mean partly but it's my fault too. i think it's so childish how me and tyler are now. he's like ashamed to even look at me...embarrased i guess.
the other night i stayed up writing for a longass time. most of it was gibberish and unreadable but here's what i mostly came up with:
I want to know that you really care, I wante to be loved and I don’t want to be scared anymore. I want to be sure that you wont leave me, and I want to know that I’m okay. I want you to see me as me and not as a shadow of the past. I want to fall asleep peacefully for once without crying and I want you to hold me until daybreak. I want to fall asleep in your arms, safe and warm. I want to kiss your neck and I want to believe that you know me. I want to see you every week without feeling bad for asking you to drive up and see me.
I don’t want to hurt anymore and I want to be secure. I miss you so often but yet I never get to tell you what I really feel without the fear of scaring you away. I want to cry with you and I want to be safe. I want to spend hours alone with you and not worry about what time it is or who’s watching.
I want to run my fingers through your non-spiked hair after I wake up next to you. I want to have a cheerio fight with you and I want to kiss you for no reason whatsoever. I want to see where you live and I want to walk the beach with you.
I want to wake up happy for once, without my eyes being stuck together from years of the night before.
I want to know what it’s like to be free. I want to break rules with you and get caught, but not get in trouble. I want you to catch me as I fall out of the tree you dared me to climb.
I want to go to barnes and noble with you, and I want to ride up and down the escalators with you until we get bored, then I want to watch people from the second floor and we’ll throw pennies at them.
I want to climb out my window in the dorm to see you, and I want to drive you somewhere fun and secret. I want to swim with you and spash you, and I want us to be happy together. I want you to kiss me gently and hold my waist. I want you to carry me somewhere and kiss my wrist gently where I cut it. I want to know you completely and I want to turn you on to the point where you blush bright pink. I want to get sunburned with you on the beach as we talk about nothing at all, and for you to show me that you care and that you really do love me.
I want you to give me a hickey so I can show everyone and be proud of it.
I want to sit in your lap in class as the teacher tells you a new formula for calculus.
I want to be yours and I want to be loved.
And there you go.
Later all.