Torn and Conflicted
I am so unsettled about things in my marriage. My husband wants us to give it one last try over the next three months to see if we can save our marriage. I would rather not bother, but I am not sure if those feelings are because I am truly over it or I am just frustrated to the point that I no longer know what to do. I want to believe that I do still love my husband, but now that I have actually put things out there I am not so sure.
I have realized that I am so very unhappy. I am going to make an appointment with my doctor and see what he has to say. Maybe try some anti-depressants for a while to see if they help. I have never been this unhappy in my life and I am not sure if the cause is my floundering marriage or just everything in general. I do know that I cannot continue like this. It is not good for anyone in my life.
I sometimes feel like I am losing my mind. I feel so stressed and overwhelmed all the time. The fact that I see this makes me very aware that I am so close to the edge. I am always on edge and ready to explode at anyone who looks at me sideways. It has gotten to the point that when I wake up in the mornings I just want to go right back to bed. The last few days I have spent more time in bed than out of it. I just don't want to deal with anything.
I know I am in need of serious help. I have seriously considered leaving my son with my mother and just walking away. That is not me. I do not run away from a fight. I do not walk out on my responsibilities and yet, that is exactly what I want to do. Will therapy and medication help me? I really hope so.
Is my marriage truly over? I wish I could say no, but I think that it is. I think these next few months are really going to be me just going through the motions while I wait for my husband to realize that it is over. I really feel like it's too little, too late on the part of my husband. I tried for too many years to fix it and now I am done. I have thought about it many times over the last few days. I asked for a divorce in June of 2005. I asked again in September of 2006. I asked again in July of 2007 and again in December of 2007. I asked for a divorce again on Saturday. I think if I have wanted a divorce that many times, then maybe it is time to admit that my marriage is over and move on. Maybe I am just too tired to try anymore and too tired to start over.
I have realized that I am so very unhappy. I am going to make an appointment with my doctor and see what he has to say. Maybe try some anti-depressants for a while to see if they help. I have never been this unhappy in my life and I am not sure if the cause is my floundering marriage or just everything in general. I do know that I cannot continue like this. It is not good for anyone in my life.
I sometimes feel like I am losing my mind. I feel so stressed and overwhelmed all the time. The fact that I see this makes me very aware that I am so close to the edge. I am always on edge and ready to explode at anyone who looks at me sideways. It has gotten to the point that when I wake up in the mornings I just want to go right back to bed. The last few days I have spent more time in bed than out of it. I just don't want to deal with anything.
I know I am in need of serious help. I have seriously considered leaving my son with my mother and just walking away. That is not me. I do not run away from a fight. I do not walk out on my responsibilities and yet, that is exactly what I want to do. Will therapy and medication help me? I really hope so.
Is my marriage truly over? I wish I could say no, but I think that it is. I think these next few months are really going to be me just going through the motions while I wait for my husband to realize that it is over. I really feel like it's too little, too late on the part of my husband. I tried for too many years to fix it and now I am done. I have thought about it many times over the last few days. I asked for a divorce in June of 2005. I asked again in September of 2006. I asked again in July of 2007 and again in December of 2007. I asked for a divorce again on Saturday. I think if I have wanted a divorce that many times, then maybe it is time to admit that my marriage is over and move on. Maybe I am just too tired to try anymore and too tired to start over.