How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
This is for ennyousai and possibly also gleeful_t.
Q: How many people in TNG does it take to screw a lightbulb?
A: Nine.
A light blub in the bridge dies.
Riker : GEORDI--WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!
Picard: Someone remove the lightbulb. Conference!
In the Conference room.
Troi : (putting her hand on the dead bulb) I feel... pain.
Worf : The bulb is useless now, Captain. Let me dispose of it.
(unholsters phaser and adjusts it to "OBLITERATE" setting)
Data : (thinking about what Worf said) Captain, if I were to
become non-functional like this bulb, would I receive
a regular burial or would I be disposed of like...
Picard: Shut up, Data. Hold your fire, Mr. Worf. Where is Mr.
LaForge?
Geordi: (stepping into the room) Here, Captain. I'm afraid we're
out of light bulbs. Who needs light anyway? With my VISOR,
I can clearly see despite the absence of visible light.
Bev : I can surgically remove everyone's eyes and outfit us all
with VISORs...
Wes : No way, Mom. Wait! I got it! I'll build us a positronic
krigga-wave-condensing incandescent light generator!
Riker : Excellent, Wes. BTW, WHAT THE HELL are you doing in this
meeting? This is for senior officers only! Worf, put
Ensign Crusher in the brig!
Worf : (To Wes, grinning) You will walk or I will carry you!
Bev : You're not touching my son!
Everyone lurches. Outside, two Borg ships begin attacking the
Enterprise. Everyone rushes to the bridge. Q suddenly appears on
the bridge.
Picard: Q! End this!
Q : Temper temper, mon capitan. Can't you humans take a joke?
(snaps fingers--Borg ships disappear)
Picard: I didn't mean the Borg ships--I meant the light bulb!
Q : Oh. Sorry (snaps fingers again--bulb is restored). Until
next time! (flash of light--Q disappears)
Picard: (hands restored bulb to Wes) prepare to screw light bulb.
Wes : Aye, Captain (holds bulb in position over bulb socket)
Picard: Engage!
Source (lots more bad ST lightbulb jokes there): http://www.cs.umd.edu/~gasarch/HUMOR/lightbulb.st.html
Q: How many people in TNG does it take to screw a lightbulb?
A: Nine.
A light blub in the bridge dies.
Riker : GEORDI--WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!
Picard: Someone remove the lightbulb. Conference!
In the Conference room.
Troi : (putting her hand on the dead bulb) I feel... pain.
Worf : The bulb is useless now, Captain. Let me dispose of it.
(unholsters phaser and adjusts it to "OBLITERATE" setting)
Data : (thinking about what Worf said) Captain, if I were to
become non-functional like this bulb, would I receive
a regular burial or would I be disposed of like...
Picard: Shut up, Data. Hold your fire, Mr. Worf. Where is Mr.
LaForge?
Geordi: (stepping into the room) Here, Captain. I'm afraid we're
out of light bulbs. Who needs light anyway? With my VISOR,
I can clearly see despite the absence of visible light.
Bev : I can surgically remove everyone's eyes and outfit us all
with VISORs...
Wes : No way, Mom. Wait! I got it! I'll build us a positronic
krigga-wave-condensing incandescent light generator!
Riker : Excellent, Wes. BTW, WHAT THE HELL are you doing in this
meeting? This is for senior officers only! Worf, put
Ensign Crusher in the brig!
Worf : (To Wes, grinning) You will walk or I will carry you!
Bev : You're not touching my son!
Everyone lurches. Outside, two Borg ships begin attacking the
Enterprise. Everyone rushes to the bridge. Q suddenly appears on
the bridge.
Picard: Q! End this!
Q : Temper temper, mon capitan. Can't you humans take a joke?
(snaps fingers--Borg ships disappear)
Picard: I didn't mean the Borg ships--I meant the light bulb!
Q : Oh. Sorry (snaps fingers again--bulb is restored). Until
next time! (flash of light--Q disappears)
Picard: (hands restored bulb to Wes) prepare to screw light bulb.
Wes : Aye, Captain (holds bulb in position over bulb socket)
Picard: Engage!
Source (lots more bad ST lightbulb jokes there): http://www.cs.umd.edu/~gasarch/HUMOR/lightbulb.st.html