you've been good to me; have i been good to you?
hey. so i had this epiphany re: stories i love the most while on the bus. commutes are good for some things, it seems. while there's the kind that i was reading this morning1, which short-circuited my brain and had me distracted all day [b/c hello, i reveled in its dirty delight and couldn't get my pulse under control], i actually live for the type i read on the ride back2. and the one i read a little while ago3. with all the breaking apart and getting put back together, and unfinished sentences and thought processes that are too overwhelming, and ridiculously perfect abstract descriptions.
and then i realised it's always been that way, it's not like that with just fic but with published literature as well, and movies, and heck, real life too when it comes down to it.
that's puzzle #1 shifting into its slot.
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i've been thinking i should re-read filth since it's been so long since i held it in my hands. i was bent over the basin at the crack of dawn, sleepily brushing my teeth and singing like i am wont to do while choking on toothpaste foam, and i realised HELLO. remember what filth was about? it was the first book with those themes, and i was freaking 15 years old, and i have never loved irvine welsh more than i did while i was speeding through that story.
i didn't read anything of its kind for almost a decade. and now i do, i consciously do - not like it was back then b/c i had no idea what filth was about, right. but it makes sense. this isn't just something that developed overnight [or over the course of perhaps a year, if we're really going to be precise]; it's been present since naked lunch and interzone, since the acid house and ecstacy, and that crazy martin amis book bollox made me read [which i forget about for years at a time, and suddenly remember at the most inopportune times].
and that's puzzle #2, whose puzzle-status i wasn't even aware of until this realisation.
sorry, this probably won't make sense to anyone besides myself, but i needed to write it out so i could carry on with my evening.
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1 but then my homework was never quite like this by thenyxie
2 stall out by gospelofus
3 cirrus by setissma