(no subject)
God, I know I won't let it drop, but this is so painful.
I can't look at photos of him from the past few months and know that there were so many lies behind his smiles and cute faces. I know this is temporary, I know I'll get better. But how and at what cost? I feel like I'm unable to ask. I feel like I am unable to just openly talk. I wish someone would stick up for me and tell him I am doing the right thing by trying to talk. Talking about it once doesn't make it better. It takes more.
Some days I feel great and some days I feel like I can't go on. Scratch that - some minutes, not some days. It changes on the turn of a dime.
Something just went horribly wrong back then and I cannot figure out what to do about it.
I am so, so, so, so afraid that he does not care, no matter what he says to the contrary.
Everyone has advice when I say these things, but I just want love, and I want to hear, "It'll be okay." I know it isn't now and it shouldn't be. I know it will be hard work. I know he was wrong and I know he messed up. I know I'd be well within my sanity to leave. But sometimes I don't need a rally around me; I just need loving arms and reassurance.
Sorry, scattered.
I can't look at photos of him from the past few months and know that there were so many lies behind his smiles and cute faces. I know this is temporary, I know I'll get better. But how and at what cost? I feel like I'm unable to ask. I feel like I am unable to just openly talk. I wish someone would stick up for me and tell him I am doing the right thing by trying to talk. Talking about it once doesn't make it better. It takes more.
Some days I feel great and some days I feel like I can't go on. Scratch that - some minutes, not some days. It changes on the turn of a dime.
Something just went horribly wrong back then and I cannot figure out what to do about it.
I am so, so, so, so afraid that he does not care, no matter what he says to the contrary.
Everyone has advice when I say these things, but I just want love, and I want to hear, "It'll be okay." I know it isn't now and it shouldn't be. I know it will be hard work. I know he was wrong and I know he messed up. I know I'd be well within my sanity to leave. But sometimes I don't need a rally around me; I just need loving arms and reassurance.
Sorry, scattered.