(no subject)
I guess there's a possibility that I will live through this portion of my life. I was wondering for a minute. Actually, I still wonder. Part of me can't ignore the possibility that all the good that's happened to help heal the bad is maybe just a lie. There have been so many lies in the past few weeks. So much pain. I've never felt this much pain.
It will never go away. I have scars; I know a lot about them. A wound heals decently if you patch it up just right, but the scar is still there after it's done, and the scar hurts sometimes. That can last for years and years, and then you finally stop feeling it, but since the wound was a pretty gnarly one, the scar stays there for the rest of your life. And sometimes you brush it or your lover's fingers pass over it and you remember being in that moment, or moments.
Every single time I hear a song about heartbreak, I will be unable to smile and say I know nothing of it, like I used to be able to do. Now I will be able to identify in a terrible way. Never again can I look at a friend and say that this man is dedicated to me, because if they were here for this, they'll know better. I lost my dignity, my confidence, my trust, and the love I had so carefully grown for myself.
I have been heartened by the net my friends and acquaintances created for me. People I hardly knew took me in, people that shouldn't have cared let me cry on them, complete strangers talked to me for hours about everything I could think of.
And also, people I trusted ripped my heart out. People that told me the truth simply did so to use it against me. I didn't know these people existed; I feel like a little girl learning about the world for the first time. I have never had my pain and emotion used to purposely and coldly against me. It frightened me. I have lost trust in all but a few close people in my life.
I guess that's the moral here. Just quit being so trusting of everyone all the time. Everyone's a goddamn liar.
It will never go away. I have scars; I know a lot about them. A wound heals decently if you patch it up just right, but the scar is still there after it's done, and the scar hurts sometimes. That can last for years and years, and then you finally stop feeling it, but since the wound was a pretty gnarly one, the scar stays there for the rest of your life. And sometimes you brush it or your lover's fingers pass over it and you remember being in that moment, or moments.
Every single time I hear a song about heartbreak, I will be unable to smile and say I know nothing of it, like I used to be able to do. Now I will be able to identify in a terrible way. Never again can I look at a friend and say that this man is dedicated to me, because if they were here for this, they'll know better. I lost my dignity, my confidence, my trust, and the love I had so carefully grown for myself.
I have been heartened by the net my friends and acquaintances created for me. People I hardly knew took me in, people that shouldn't have cared let me cry on them, complete strangers talked to me for hours about everything I could think of.
And also, people I trusted ripped my heart out. People that told me the truth simply did so to use it against me. I didn't know these people existed; I feel like a little girl learning about the world for the first time. I have never had my pain and emotion used to purposely and coldly against me. It frightened me. I have lost trust in all but a few close people in my life.
I guess that's the moral here. Just quit being so trusting of everyone all the time. Everyone's a goddamn liar.