it's just a simple question.. why is it so hard to answer?
It's been so long since my last post.
I can't put on twitter cos there is a limit to characters and i wanna pour out here instead of letting people know. Well, the chances of pple reading here is almost zero?.
I'm in a dilemma.
I dragged the case of accepting a guy for so long. Initially, i was struggling with myself. Cos i just knew him not long and he began to go after me after a few meetings. I admit. I struggled and several times wanted to cry. I had been running away and it was the term " feelings" which forced me to run away. He's a nice guy ... but why i couldn't accept immediately? Tho he doesnt have the looks and much height and built but feelings.. are forcing me to stay away.
Friends have been encouragin to try and if it doesnt work, just call off. That's my whole idea but... am i like forcing myself to get into the relationship with him? I know. My feelings for him arent strong enuff to convince myself and said yes, i wanna walk with this man. I'm looking for a bf while he... is looking for a wife. Ray said i think too much and said how can i be so sure that i will marry this man? ( he wishes to settle down b4 30 yrs old) Yes its true i think too much. But i tend to think ahead that i gave up everything. there's no change to my life.
If i let him go, my life wont change. If i accept, be it good or bad ending... at least i try. But before all these trying parts, i must be convinced that i do like him.. right? sigh. I really screwed things up. Why can't be honest with him instead of speaking nonsense? I really hate myself. Maybe.. i don't suit him? and he likes me more than I do. ..........
Maybe i should go on to some soul searching.. cos thinking is really killing me. itt's just a simple yes or no. why do i behave like... sigh...
oh fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkk i entirely hate myself.