[Fic] Monster
Title: Monster
Pairing: Kamenashi / Ueda
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Implied violence, abusive relationship, minor character's death
Summary: Desperate for a change, Ueda approached the organization. And a change was what he got, even though it was not the change he had in mind.
Author's Note: Series of events are not in chronological order. Inspired by visuals of Monster Night and performance for Art of Life (which is so pro-violence) :B Also, I don’t have anything against Taguchi, just that he was one of the unfortunate souls in Ueda’s AOL performance at Fukuoka. It was originally going to be a short 1000 words but I guess it spiralled out of control. Enjoy? Randomly pimping out my request post too.
“It’s been a while.”
No matter how things have changed ever since they took over, Kamenashi still looks beautiful, his soft chestnut curls framing the sides of his flawless face. Even if the expression he wore was a cold and distant one, filled with wry pity and disgust, he would always be prettiest in his eyes. That was the only unyielding memory engraved in his mind.
“What are you doing here?”
“To see you.” He licked his lips in guilt, the harsh scrutiny becoming all too suffocating to bear. “I’m glad you’re doing fine.”
“Now that you’ve seen me, be gone.”
He had so many more questions at the back of his mind. He had so many things he needed to know. But Kamenashi had already made it very clear that he had overstayed his welcome and he did not want the other man to hate him more than he already did.
“Indeed I have my love, indeed I have.”
Begrudgingly, he turned his back against Kamenashi and leapt out of the window. Now that he was very sure how the other man felt about him, he only had one last thing to do.
Even if a life without Kamenashi is meaningless, an imprisonment that would drive him further down the path of insanity, he would devote his remaining life protecting Kamenashi from the darkness. He wasn’t sure if a monster like him, stained with the blood of many, would be capable of doing such a noble task. At least he could die trying.
*
“What’s wrong with you lately?” Kamenashi screamed, his voice hoarse from exhaustion and exasperation. “Nakamaru was just talking to me! You need help!”
It took more shouting and screaming before lucidity returned to him. He was so drunk on jealousy and blinded with rage that he had just did the unthinkable - he attacked Kamenashi’s best friend. Yet as he looked at the unconscious figure cradled in Kamenashi’s arms, he felt that his accusations weren’t unfounded.
“I’m sorry.”
Was an apology enough even if he knew it was going to happen again? Despite such words keeping Kamenashi by his side after every quarrel, he knew the other man’s words were right.
He needed help.
So when men in smart dress shirts and tail coats turned up at the door of his apartment offering solutions, he took it up in a heartbeat. Kamenashi cautioned him about them, saying how they made him feel uneasy.
“The minerals they wanted the folks to mine for, the gas they emit corrodes one’s organs. It’s a slow but sure death. They are not reviving this town. They cannot be trusted.”
However, he was so desperate for a change that he paid no heed to Kamenashi’s warnings.
And a change was what he got, even though it was not the change he had in mind.
*
It was a full moon.
They assured him they had fix him. They promised him that he was fine. They gave their word that he had complete control over himself now.
He should never have believed in liars. The solutions for the town they offered were all but a sham; he should have known better.
Why had he been such a fool?
Rather than a suppressant, the medicine changed him into a demon he couldn’t subdue himself. Even without the pill, the damage was permanent. There was nothing he could do to reverse the effects.
The day he came to that realisation, he broke out of the facility.
And for their empty words, they must pay.
All he could recall of that night was the addictive rhythm of his fists pounding into fragile bones and bare flesh and staining the white tiles a beautiful shade of crimson.
Ripping the leading scientist’s characteristic smile off his face and admiring the gaping hole his claws left was the cherry on top of the cake.
*
The dull throbbing at the back of his head jolted him awake.
How long had he been out for?
Where was he?
Why was there fire everywhere?
He had so many questions in his mind but the people surrounding him didn’t look all too friendly. They wore accusing stares as tears streamed down their eyes.
Did he do something?
“You monster,” a lady cried as she pelted a rock towards him. He raised his hand in defence and the rustling of chains alarmed him. What were those strange metallic claws fitted to his fingers? The jagged stone hit him with a dull thud yet he felt no pain. Nevertheless, as though a natural reflex, a wave of anger surged within him. As he prepared to pounce at her, a voice stopped him in his tracks.
“Touch her, and I’ll never forgive you!”
He recognized that voice.
Kamenashi.
Instinctively, he backed away and fled. He ran as far as his legs could take him, crashing through bushes and branches aimlessly till he reached the little stream surrounding the town. It used to take him a much longer time to reach this place; he wasn’t even breathless. Reaching out for the cool water to calm himself down, he was petrified by the reflection that greeted him.
When did he sustain those nasty cuts running along the corners of his mouth? He had ears resembling that of a wolf. And now that he was finally more aware of himself, he realised he had a tail too.
What’s happening to him?
His howls of horrification echoed through the woods.
*
Days at the facilities were simple. Everyone’s schedule was the same. You wake at nine, have breakfast at ten, have some free time on your own before exercise, grab lunch, more free time before dinner and sleep. Best of all, there were no fees to worry about because they had a simple motto: “We pledge and honour ourselves to help the needy without returns.”
Kamenashi had got it all wrong; the rumours were hogwash. Trust a grown man to be mingling and gossiping with the ladies.
Despite the increasing ache along his jaw and joints, as well as intense headaches that caused his consciousness to fade from time to time accompanying each dosage of medicine, he convinced himself that a new happy and peaceful life with Kamenashi would be worth all the pain.
“Dr Taguchi, is it right for me to be blacking out so much?”
“Your body is trying to adapt as the medicine attempts to purge out the toxins that were responsible for triggering the bouts of violence you experienced before coming to the facility." The leading scientist explains patiently. "Don't worry, you'll be fine. Haven't you been more in control of yourself recently?"
He furrowed his eyebrows but said nothing. He certainly didn't feel that way. Nevertheless, the scientist was a professional. He should know better, right?
“If you’re uncertain, feel free to look through your files and take a look around the facility if it eases your mind.”
Since the doctor was being so open about such matters, there shouldn’t really be a need for doubt. Moreover, he was illiterate; words and diagrams weren’t going to make much sense.
*
He couldn’t remember his name at all. All he recalled was that man, Kamenashi, and the feelings he held for him. Now that he was free, no longer confined by those chains and straps, should he seek out the one he was painfully yearning for? Or should he nurse the wounds he had sustained in the struggle with those guards?
His nose twitched as he contemplated over the two options he could take. Kamenashi’s scent was strong in the air; he should be nearby. That alone was enough to send little waves of excitement through his entire being.
Yes, he should definitely look for Kamenashi. But the flashes of memories of destruction and grief that accompanied the images of Kamenashi brought along an ominous feeling that Kamenashi might not feel the same way as he did towards him.
There’s only one way to find out.
*
Landing on the hard concrete pavement ground, he straightened his back and slunk into his hood. As much as he wished he was unaffected, every word from Kamenashi’s lips stung. He walked blindly down a crowded path, carefully avoiding contact with anyone. He now knew that everything could possibly be a trigger for his insanity, better safe than sorry. As he walked by a tea shop, his ears pricked up at a familiar name.
“Have you heard about poor young master Kamenashi? First, he got disowned by his father for choosing a butler who mistreated him and even worse, defected to that organization. Then he had to deal with the townsfolk who were affected by that monster’s rampage. Now he is trying to face the blinded governor about them on their own?” One of the gossiping ladies shook her head in sympathy. “I guess the only thing I can be thankful for my wretched life is that I’m not him.”
“Pardon me, my lady…”
He bit his tongue. Was it even right for him to eavesdrop and interrupt a conversation? He pulled his hood closer to ensure that his entire face would be shrouded. It wouldn’t be good if they saw his ears or fangs. The monster they were talking about was probably him too. If that’s the case, they should know his name.
“…but I’m new to the town and I heard you mentioned a ‘monster’ and its ‘rampage’. Is it safe to leave the town at night?”
“Oh young sir, you have chosen such an untimely moment to visit this cursed place.” A lady in a bonnet replied without hesitation. “A young man named Ueda Tatsuya have recently morphed into a demon - a werewolf! Since you look like a traveller, I suggest you stay in your inn at nightfall. You won’t want to have the ill fortune of being eaten by that beast!”
So his name was Ueda… Tatsuya.
“I see. Thank you very much for the tip.”
Since the ladies seemed very eager to talk, he decided to push his luck a little further.
“Is there political unrest as well? What is this young master Kamenashi attempting to do against the governor?”
Since whatever Kamenashi was attempting to do sounded impossible to the ladies, it must be risky. And if that was the case, he must be there to support him.
“Have they infiltrated where you came from as well?” They asked instead.
“I’m afraid so… I was looking for a new place to stay.”
Another lady clicked her tongue in disapproval.
“A poor choice you’ve made for our town is no different.”
“Especially since Kamenashi is adamant to reason with the governor to get rid of them! Insane, they would seize him up!”
“When is it happening?” Ueda tried to suppress his anxiety. It would do no good to lose control of himself now.
“At the city hall, during the governor’s meet tomorrow noon. I would love to see what transpires from such a fruitless attempt but I’ll be busy with the laundry.”
Ueda thanked and bade the ladies farewell.
*
Ueda yanked at Kamenashi’s hair roughly till they were looking eye to eye.
“So you’re looking down on me like everyone else, huh?”
“No, you’ve got it wrong,” the other man struggled, speech slurred as blood trickled down the edges of his lips and purple bruises flecked the sides of his jaw. The cut above his eyebrow made it difficult for him to keep one of his eyes open as well. “Nakamaru dropped by for a visit. He was just a friend.”
Something snapped at the mention of another man’s name. He flung Kamenashi against the legs of the table and left in a huff.
“Tatsuya…” Kamenashi coughed.
The door slammed shut behind him.
They were supposed to be happy after eloping to a faraway town. But this was a complete nightmare, a disaster. Everyone were talking behind his back, mocking and blaming his incompetency to provide for Kamenashi and eventually forcing the once young master to work as a bar tender in a shady district for extra cash. Worst still, Kamenashi’s childhood friend had to come every so often to offer aid and ensure that Kamenashi was still alive. He couldn’t live with this kind of shame and humiliation, not after Kamenashi chose him over his family, wealth and power. The pressure building up within him was unbearable and the only way he could let out some steam was to…
No, Ueda didn’t want to and would never admit it. He wasn’t “abusing Kamenashi” like Nakamaru had accused him of all the time. He was just letting the other man know what kind of problems and difficulties he was facing, a taste of the pain he had to bear. Maybe he took it a little too far but he most definitely wasn’t “abusing Kamenashi”.
He paced around town till the frustrations were no longer clouding his mind. No matter what excuses he had to defend himself with, he knew he was in the wrong; he had definitely been too harsh on Kamenashi. The man deserved an apology.
Ueda stopped in his tracks and returned home.
“I’m sorry Kazuya,” he whispered through the crack of their door. “Would you forgive me?”
Kamenashi said nothing, just opened the door wide and enveloped Ueda in a warm embrace, only whining slightly from the wounds which Ueda covered his arms with.
*
The city hall was filled with people yet no one seemed to be supporting Kamenashi. He looked so frail standing alone at the podium, awaiting for the arrival of the governor. When the wind blew, Kamenashi huddled closer to his coat and Ueda thought Kamenashi ought to deserve a thicker one.
When the bell chimed noon, Kamenashi cleared his throat and spoke.
“Where’s the governor?”
“The governor is a busy man.” One of the officials informed. “Since there’s only one petition, he will see you some other day when he is free.”
Ueda let out a low growl under his breath. How dare that man make Kamenashi stand in the cold winter winds and brush him aside! Red seeped into his vision and Ueda clenched his fist. No, he could not lose it, not now. He needed to be on alert should they do something to Kamenashi.
“That’s what he had been saying for the entire year! If that coward has nothing to hide as he had claimed, why not ask him to step out and clear the air for once?”
The crowd rallied at Kamenashi’s response but fell silent when the guards raised their spears.
“The governor has no need to respond to such a petty accusation. Be gone!”
“He allowed them to throw their weight around here, doing nothing when any well-educated man would know that their advice would do no good but harm in the long run. So many of us have fallen to the toxic fumes from mining that forbidden mineral. Yet the governor continued encouraging such activities because the sale of that forbidden mineral is lucrative. He has the obligation to give us a satisfied answer!”
This sparked an outcry among the public who had gathered to watch.
“Kamenashi speaks the truth! Answered us,” they roared.
“Shut up, you uncouth fools,” a new voice interrupted and a man decked in gold embroidery and jewels sauntered in view.
“It’s the governor,” someone whispered behind.
“Seek deep into your conscience. Do you dare admit that you have never benefitted from them?” The crowd began to murmur among themselves. Ueda clicked his tongue in annoyance. “They provided a source of income for you impoverished folks. Yes, mineral mining puts a strain on your health but without money, all you people would have been reduced to nothing but bones. The disease actually allows you to live longer than what you peasants could have!”
“Moreover,” the governor continued. “The organization provided free healthcare. What more could you ask for?”
Ueda gnashed his teeth together.
Free healthcare?
The crowd was slowly parting a path for him as he made his way to the center of the city hall. There was silence once again as the people watched a new person enter the confrontation. When he removed his hood, the public gasped in recognition and horror.
“Greetings, your most honourable governor.”
“Ah, you have arrived! The facility have gone all silent these days that I was afraid the pact they made with me was a scam. Look at him, you miserable rats. This man in front of me was part of the army that easily overran the town months ago. The organization had promised to bestow me with several of them as deterrence to keep you pesky folks in check. Is there still anyone that dares to question my authority?”
Ueda studied his claws. They were perfectly sharpened and shiny.
“You came alone, where are the rest?”
Ueda looked up and licked his lips.
“I ate them.”
The crowd had begun to flee, erupting in bouts of panic and fear.
“What are you talking about?” The governor shrieked. “They stated that you would be as obedient as a lap dog, my lap dog!”
Ueda spat on the ground and smirked.
“So why don’t you give me an order and see what I’ll do with it? If you’re lucky, I might obey.”
“Tatsuya!” Kamenashi’s voice interrupted the conversation and Ueda froze. “Causing more bloodshed won’t do any good.”
It would be fine, he thought to himself. His hands were already dripping with the blood of hundreds, both from the town and the facility. A couple of guards and a nasty governor wouldn’t make a difference. Moreover, he wanted his revenge.
Ueda took a step forward.
“Tatsuya!”
I’m sorry, Kazuya.
*
Ueda was eight and Kamenashi was five when they first met.
“Kazuya, meet your new personal servant.”
“Hello. I’m Kamenashi Kazuya.” Kamenashi waved, his large curious eyes blinking innocently. “What’s your name?”
“Ueda Tatsuya,” he replied. “And I’m honoured to be working under you.”
*
“Sire, we found a little girl tonight lost in the woods.”
Ueda acknowledged with a curt nod.
“Let her have her fill at dinner before sending her back to where she belongs.”
“Would you be going to join us for the feast?”
“Not tonight, I have some things to attend to.”
Ueda unfolded his legs on the desk and left his room. Walking down a long flight of stairs, he mused about how wonderful this abandoned castle served as his hideout. Not only was he almost never disturbed by uninvited guests (except for lost travellers, children or abandoned orphans), the topmost tower provided an excellent view of the town. Even if the organization continually sent hunters for his head, the terrain made it difficult for many to come unnoticed and he could handle one or two of those weaklings just fine. Converting them into his minions wasn’t too hard either.
It had been several months since that incident. As opposed to what Ueda thought Kamenashi had feared, the town could function very well even without a governor. The toxic mineral mining had stopped, replaced instead with gold (by a stroke of luck, someone hit the jackpot while digging around for minerals). Plantations and farms no longer suffered from droughts or strange diseases brought on by the poisonous fumes released by the crystals.
Things had truly changed for the better.
Clipping a few flowers with his claws, he collected a nice bunch of them and headed for the town. When he neared the gates, he found the moon no longer hanging overhead. It was now the wee hours of morning and he doubted the chances of meeting townsfolk besides unfortunate watchmen. They were still very much afraid of him, especially after experiencing that bloodbath at the city hall. Ueda chuckled, he did not blame them. If he wasn’t the savage in question, he would probably be frightened as well.
The town’s grave just outside the gates had expanded quite a far bit since the introduction of mineral mining by the organization, the previous full moon, and subsequently the city hall incident. Taking out the flowers he had brought along with him, he carefully left one for each grave. When he was done, he carefully retrieved the midnight rose concealed within his robes.
One last stop before he could retire back to his castle.
*
“I’m afraid I cannot be playing toss ball with you, young master Kamenashi.”
“Why not?” Kamenashi sulked, his lower lips jutting out in displeasure.
“Your father would not be please should you sustain any injury.”
“Don’t worry, I’m good at toss ball. Besides, I know Tatsuya would never hurt me.”
Sometimes, random lapses of his childhood memory kept Ueda up all night.
*
Ueda was rudely awakened by someone trying to pound his castle doors open.
“Who’s that?” he roared as his servants came scampering to report their findings.
“Master Kamenashi, sire,” someone squeaked and bowed his head low.
“Send him away.”
“We tried to, sire, but he wouldn’t go. Not this time. We don’t want to hurt him-“
“You dare to?” Ueda seethed with anger.
“No sire, we never entertained that thought.”
“Good,” he sneered before grabbing his coat. As much as he denied meeting Kamenashi, the other man was still a lingering attachment in his heart. He would just steal a peek and wait till the man tires himself out and leave. Just like all the other times when Kamenashi tried to visit him.
“You coward Tatsuya,” Ueda could hear Kamenashi shouting from behind the gates. “I’m just delivering news that I’m moving back to the capital with Yucchi. Are you too afraid to listen about it?”
Ueda winced and steadied his feet on the other side of the castle door. So here comes the second end of their relationship, the first being when he left their home for the laboratory in hopes of becoming a “better man”.
“I wish you a lifetime of joy and bliss. Make sure he picks you up and helps you with moving.”
“What?” Kamenashi sounded surprise. “I said Yucchi! Nakamaru! Nakamaru Yuichi!”
“He is a good man.”
“Are you not getting jealous?”
Ueda cackled in laughter. Why should he be? Time alone had steadied his emotions. He wasn’t that overbearing and possessive bastard as he was in the past. Kamenashi’s happiness was equivalent to his own. He would want nothing more than that.
“Aren’t you going to punish me? Aren’t you going to hit me so I can at least have a glimpse of you after that day at the city hall?” Kamenashi continued. “You should be mad at what a hypocrite I am. Accuse me of how I missed the life of riches and power in the capital, and that I would be overjoyed to return to it!”
“Riches and power is good,” Ueda replied calmly. “You’ll be well-fed and happy. Now go.”
“I found out about everything. And I’m sorry I thought you chose them. I knew nothing of the false promise they baited you with. They made you into a monster.”
“That doesn’t say anything about the people that I’ve harmed. I’m still the vile villain people fear. If you’re not leaving, I will.”
“Damn it, at the very least, open the door! Tatsuya!”
Ueda steeled his resolve and returned back to his tower. Even though he was a monster now, his heart was still very human. And it hurts every single time; it doesn’t get easier.
“Why do you still hold on to me?”
He would rather Kamenashi remember their past images together, before they left the capital, before he changed, before he committed the irreversible.
“Don’t look for me again,” Ueda whispered under his breath and barricaded himself back in his room.
End.
Pairing: Kamenashi / Ueda
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Implied violence, abusive relationship, minor character's death
Summary: Desperate for a change, Ueda approached the organization. And a change was what he got, even though it was not the change he had in mind.
Author's Note: Series of events are not in chronological order. Inspired by visuals of Monster Night and performance for Art of Life (which is so pro-violence) :B Also, I don’t have anything against Taguchi, just that he was one of the unfortunate souls in Ueda’s AOL performance at Fukuoka. It was originally going to be a short 1000 words but I guess it spiralled out of control. Enjoy? Randomly pimping out my request post too.
“It’s been a while.”
No matter how things have changed ever since they took over, Kamenashi still looks beautiful, his soft chestnut curls framing the sides of his flawless face. Even if the expression he wore was a cold and distant one, filled with wry pity and disgust, he would always be prettiest in his eyes. That was the only unyielding memory engraved in his mind.
“What are you doing here?”
“To see you.” He licked his lips in guilt, the harsh scrutiny becoming all too suffocating to bear. “I’m glad you’re doing fine.”
“Now that you’ve seen me, be gone.”
He had so many more questions at the back of his mind. He had so many things he needed to know. But Kamenashi had already made it very clear that he had overstayed his welcome and he did not want the other man to hate him more than he already did.
“Indeed I have my love, indeed I have.”
Begrudgingly, he turned his back against Kamenashi and leapt out of the window. Now that he was very sure how the other man felt about him, he only had one last thing to do.
Even if a life without Kamenashi is meaningless, an imprisonment that would drive him further down the path of insanity, he would devote his remaining life protecting Kamenashi from the darkness. He wasn’t sure if a monster like him, stained with the blood of many, would be capable of doing such a noble task. At least he could die trying.
*
“What’s wrong with you lately?” Kamenashi screamed, his voice hoarse from exhaustion and exasperation. “Nakamaru was just talking to me! You need help!”
It took more shouting and screaming before lucidity returned to him. He was so drunk on jealousy and blinded with rage that he had just did the unthinkable - he attacked Kamenashi’s best friend. Yet as he looked at the unconscious figure cradled in Kamenashi’s arms, he felt that his accusations weren’t unfounded.
“I’m sorry.”
Was an apology enough even if he knew it was going to happen again? Despite such words keeping Kamenashi by his side after every quarrel, he knew the other man’s words were right.
He needed help.
So when men in smart dress shirts and tail coats turned up at the door of his apartment offering solutions, he took it up in a heartbeat. Kamenashi cautioned him about them, saying how they made him feel uneasy.
“The minerals they wanted the folks to mine for, the gas they emit corrodes one’s organs. It’s a slow but sure death. They are not reviving this town. They cannot be trusted.”
However, he was so desperate for a change that he paid no heed to Kamenashi’s warnings.
And a change was what he got, even though it was not the change he had in mind.
*
It was a full moon.
They assured him they had fix him. They promised him that he was fine. They gave their word that he had complete control over himself now.
He should never have believed in liars. The solutions for the town they offered were all but a sham; he should have known better.
Why had he been such a fool?
Rather than a suppressant, the medicine changed him into a demon he couldn’t subdue himself. Even without the pill, the damage was permanent. There was nothing he could do to reverse the effects.
The day he came to that realisation, he broke out of the facility.
And for their empty words, they must pay.
All he could recall of that night was the addictive rhythm of his fists pounding into fragile bones and bare flesh and staining the white tiles a beautiful shade of crimson.
Ripping the leading scientist’s characteristic smile off his face and admiring the gaping hole his claws left was the cherry on top of the cake.
*
The dull throbbing at the back of his head jolted him awake.
How long had he been out for?
Where was he?
Why was there fire everywhere?
He had so many questions in his mind but the people surrounding him didn’t look all too friendly. They wore accusing stares as tears streamed down their eyes.
Did he do something?
“You monster,” a lady cried as she pelted a rock towards him. He raised his hand in defence and the rustling of chains alarmed him. What were those strange metallic claws fitted to his fingers? The jagged stone hit him with a dull thud yet he felt no pain. Nevertheless, as though a natural reflex, a wave of anger surged within him. As he prepared to pounce at her, a voice stopped him in his tracks.
“Touch her, and I’ll never forgive you!”
He recognized that voice.
Kamenashi.
Instinctively, he backed away and fled. He ran as far as his legs could take him, crashing through bushes and branches aimlessly till he reached the little stream surrounding the town. It used to take him a much longer time to reach this place; he wasn’t even breathless. Reaching out for the cool water to calm himself down, he was petrified by the reflection that greeted him.
When did he sustain those nasty cuts running along the corners of his mouth? He had ears resembling that of a wolf. And now that he was finally more aware of himself, he realised he had a tail too.
What’s happening to him?
His howls of horrification echoed through the woods.
*
Days at the facilities were simple. Everyone’s schedule was the same. You wake at nine, have breakfast at ten, have some free time on your own before exercise, grab lunch, more free time before dinner and sleep. Best of all, there were no fees to worry about because they had a simple motto: “We pledge and honour ourselves to help the needy without returns.”
Kamenashi had got it all wrong; the rumours were hogwash. Trust a grown man to be mingling and gossiping with the ladies.
Despite the increasing ache along his jaw and joints, as well as intense headaches that caused his consciousness to fade from time to time accompanying each dosage of medicine, he convinced himself that a new happy and peaceful life with Kamenashi would be worth all the pain.
“Dr Taguchi, is it right for me to be blacking out so much?”
“Your body is trying to adapt as the medicine attempts to purge out the toxins that were responsible for triggering the bouts of violence you experienced before coming to the facility." The leading scientist explains patiently. "Don't worry, you'll be fine. Haven't you been more in control of yourself recently?"
He furrowed his eyebrows but said nothing. He certainly didn't feel that way. Nevertheless, the scientist was a professional. He should know better, right?
“If you’re uncertain, feel free to look through your files and take a look around the facility if it eases your mind.”
Since the doctor was being so open about such matters, there shouldn’t really be a need for doubt. Moreover, he was illiterate; words and diagrams weren’t going to make much sense.
*
He couldn’t remember his name at all. All he recalled was that man, Kamenashi, and the feelings he held for him. Now that he was free, no longer confined by those chains and straps, should he seek out the one he was painfully yearning for? Or should he nurse the wounds he had sustained in the struggle with those guards?
His nose twitched as he contemplated over the two options he could take. Kamenashi’s scent was strong in the air; he should be nearby. That alone was enough to send little waves of excitement through his entire being.
Yes, he should definitely look for Kamenashi. But the flashes of memories of destruction and grief that accompanied the images of Kamenashi brought along an ominous feeling that Kamenashi might not feel the same way as he did towards him.
There’s only one way to find out.
*
Landing on the hard concrete pavement ground, he straightened his back and slunk into his hood. As much as he wished he was unaffected, every word from Kamenashi’s lips stung. He walked blindly down a crowded path, carefully avoiding contact with anyone. He now knew that everything could possibly be a trigger for his insanity, better safe than sorry. As he walked by a tea shop, his ears pricked up at a familiar name.
“Have you heard about poor young master Kamenashi? First, he got disowned by his father for choosing a butler who mistreated him and even worse, defected to that organization. Then he had to deal with the townsfolk who were affected by that monster’s rampage. Now he is trying to face the blinded governor about them on their own?” One of the gossiping ladies shook her head in sympathy. “I guess the only thing I can be thankful for my wretched life is that I’m not him.”
“Pardon me, my lady…”
He bit his tongue. Was it even right for him to eavesdrop and interrupt a conversation? He pulled his hood closer to ensure that his entire face would be shrouded. It wouldn’t be good if they saw his ears or fangs. The monster they were talking about was probably him too. If that’s the case, they should know his name.
“…but I’m new to the town and I heard you mentioned a ‘monster’ and its ‘rampage’. Is it safe to leave the town at night?”
“Oh young sir, you have chosen such an untimely moment to visit this cursed place.” A lady in a bonnet replied without hesitation. “A young man named Ueda Tatsuya have recently morphed into a demon - a werewolf! Since you look like a traveller, I suggest you stay in your inn at nightfall. You won’t want to have the ill fortune of being eaten by that beast!”
So his name was Ueda… Tatsuya.
“I see. Thank you very much for the tip.”
Since the ladies seemed very eager to talk, he decided to push his luck a little further.
“Is there political unrest as well? What is this young master Kamenashi attempting to do against the governor?”
Since whatever Kamenashi was attempting to do sounded impossible to the ladies, it must be risky. And if that was the case, he must be there to support him.
“Have they infiltrated where you came from as well?” They asked instead.
“I’m afraid so… I was looking for a new place to stay.”
Another lady clicked her tongue in disapproval.
“A poor choice you’ve made for our town is no different.”
“Especially since Kamenashi is adamant to reason with the governor to get rid of them! Insane, they would seize him up!”
“When is it happening?” Ueda tried to suppress his anxiety. It would do no good to lose control of himself now.
“At the city hall, during the governor’s meet tomorrow noon. I would love to see what transpires from such a fruitless attempt but I’ll be busy with the laundry.”
Ueda thanked and bade the ladies farewell.
*
Ueda yanked at Kamenashi’s hair roughly till they were looking eye to eye.
“So you’re looking down on me like everyone else, huh?”
“No, you’ve got it wrong,” the other man struggled, speech slurred as blood trickled down the edges of his lips and purple bruises flecked the sides of his jaw. The cut above his eyebrow made it difficult for him to keep one of his eyes open as well. “Nakamaru dropped by for a visit. He was just a friend.”
Something snapped at the mention of another man’s name. He flung Kamenashi against the legs of the table and left in a huff.
“Tatsuya…” Kamenashi coughed.
The door slammed shut behind him.
They were supposed to be happy after eloping to a faraway town. But this was a complete nightmare, a disaster. Everyone were talking behind his back, mocking and blaming his incompetency to provide for Kamenashi and eventually forcing the once young master to work as a bar tender in a shady district for extra cash. Worst still, Kamenashi’s childhood friend had to come every so often to offer aid and ensure that Kamenashi was still alive. He couldn’t live with this kind of shame and humiliation, not after Kamenashi chose him over his family, wealth and power. The pressure building up within him was unbearable and the only way he could let out some steam was to…
No, Ueda didn’t want to and would never admit it. He wasn’t “abusing Kamenashi” like Nakamaru had accused him of all the time. He was just letting the other man know what kind of problems and difficulties he was facing, a taste of the pain he had to bear. Maybe he took it a little too far but he most definitely wasn’t “abusing Kamenashi”.
He paced around town till the frustrations were no longer clouding his mind. No matter what excuses he had to defend himself with, he knew he was in the wrong; he had definitely been too harsh on Kamenashi. The man deserved an apology.
Ueda stopped in his tracks and returned home.
“I’m sorry Kazuya,” he whispered through the crack of their door. “Would you forgive me?”
Kamenashi said nothing, just opened the door wide and enveloped Ueda in a warm embrace, only whining slightly from the wounds which Ueda covered his arms with.
*
The city hall was filled with people yet no one seemed to be supporting Kamenashi. He looked so frail standing alone at the podium, awaiting for the arrival of the governor. When the wind blew, Kamenashi huddled closer to his coat and Ueda thought Kamenashi ought to deserve a thicker one.
When the bell chimed noon, Kamenashi cleared his throat and spoke.
“Where’s the governor?”
“The governor is a busy man.” One of the officials informed. “Since there’s only one petition, he will see you some other day when he is free.”
Ueda let out a low growl under his breath. How dare that man make Kamenashi stand in the cold winter winds and brush him aside! Red seeped into his vision and Ueda clenched his fist. No, he could not lose it, not now. He needed to be on alert should they do something to Kamenashi.
“That’s what he had been saying for the entire year! If that coward has nothing to hide as he had claimed, why not ask him to step out and clear the air for once?”
The crowd rallied at Kamenashi’s response but fell silent when the guards raised their spears.
“The governor has no need to respond to such a petty accusation. Be gone!”
“He allowed them to throw their weight around here, doing nothing when any well-educated man would know that their advice would do no good but harm in the long run. So many of us have fallen to the toxic fumes from mining that forbidden mineral. Yet the governor continued encouraging such activities because the sale of that forbidden mineral is lucrative. He has the obligation to give us a satisfied answer!”
This sparked an outcry among the public who had gathered to watch.
“Kamenashi speaks the truth! Answered us,” they roared.
“Shut up, you uncouth fools,” a new voice interrupted and a man decked in gold embroidery and jewels sauntered in view.
“It’s the governor,” someone whispered behind.
“Seek deep into your conscience. Do you dare admit that you have never benefitted from them?” The crowd began to murmur among themselves. Ueda clicked his tongue in annoyance. “They provided a source of income for you impoverished folks. Yes, mineral mining puts a strain on your health but without money, all you people would have been reduced to nothing but bones. The disease actually allows you to live longer than what you peasants could have!”
“Moreover,” the governor continued. “The organization provided free healthcare. What more could you ask for?”
Ueda gnashed his teeth together.
Free healthcare?
The crowd was slowly parting a path for him as he made his way to the center of the city hall. There was silence once again as the people watched a new person enter the confrontation. When he removed his hood, the public gasped in recognition and horror.
“Greetings, your most honourable governor.”
“Ah, you have arrived! The facility have gone all silent these days that I was afraid the pact they made with me was a scam. Look at him, you miserable rats. This man in front of me was part of the army that easily overran the town months ago. The organization had promised to bestow me with several of them as deterrence to keep you pesky folks in check. Is there still anyone that dares to question my authority?”
Ueda studied his claws. They were perfectly sharpened and shiny.
“You came alone, where are the rest?”
Ueda looked up and licked his lips.
“I ate them.”
The crowd had begun to flee, erupting in bouts of panic and fear.
“What are you talking about?” The governor shrieked. “They stated that you would be as obedient as a lap dog, my lap dog!”
Ueda spat on the ground and smirked.
“So why don’t you give me an order and see what I’ll do with it? If you’re lucky, I might obey.”
“Tatsuya!” Kamenashi’s voice interrupted the conversation and Ueda froze. “Causing more bloodshed won’t do any good.”
It would be fine, he thought to himself. His hands were already dripping with the blood of hundreds, both from the town and the facility. A couple of guards and a nasty governor wouldn’t make a difference. Moreover, he wanted his revenge.
Ueda took a step forward.
“Tatsuya!”
I’m sorry, Kazuya.
*
Ueda was eight and Kamenashi was five when they first met.
“Kazuya, meet your new personal servant.”
“Hello. I’m Kamenashi Kazuya.” Kamenashi waved, his large curious eyes blinking innocently. “What’s your name?”
“Ueda Tatsuya,” he replied. “And I’m honoured to be working under you.”
*
“Sire, we found a little girl tonight lost in the woods.”
Ueda acknowledged with a curt nod.
“Let her have her fill at dinner before sending her back to where she belongs.”
“Would you be going to join us for the feast?”
“Not tonight, I have some things to attend to.”
Ueda unfolded his legs on the desk and left his room. Walking down a long flight of stairs, he mused about how wonderful this abandoned castle served as his hideout. Not only was he almost never disturbed by uninvited guests (except for lost travellers, children or abandoned orphans), the topmost tower provided an excellent view of the town. Even if the organization continually sent hunters for his head, the terrain made it difficult for many to come unnoticed and he could handle one or two of those weaklings just fine. Converting them into his minions wasn’t too hard either.
It had been several months since that incident. As opposed to what Ueda thought Kamenashi had feared, the town could function very well even without a governor. The toxic mineral mining had stopped, replaced instead with gold (by a stroke of luck, someone hit the jackpot while digging around for minerals). Plantations and farms no longer suffered from droughts or strange diseases brought on by the poisonous fumes released by the crystals.
Things had truly changed for the better.
Clipping a few flowers with his claws, he collected a nice bunch of them and headed for the town. When he neared the gates, he found the moon no longer hanging overhead. It was now the wee hours of morning and he doubted the chances of meeting townsfolk besides unfortunate watchmen. They were still very much afraid of him, especially after experiencing that bloodbath at the city hall. Ueda chuckled, he did not blame them. If he wasn’t the savage in question, he would probably be frightened as well.
The town’s grave just outside the gates had expanded quite a far bit since the introduction of mineral mining by the organization, the previous full moon, and subsequently the city hall incident. Taking out the flowers he had brought along with him, he carefully left one for each grave. When he was done, he carefully retrieved the midnight rose concealed within his robes.
One last stop before he could retire back to his castle.
*
“I’m afraid I cannot be playing toss ball with you, young master Kamenashi.”
“Why not?” Kamenashi sulked, his lower lips jutting out in displeasure.
“Your father would not be please should you sustain any injury.”
“Don’t worry, I’m good at toss ball. Besides, I know Tatsuya would never hurt me.”
Sometimes, random lapses of his childhood memory kept Ueda up all night.
*
Ueda was rudely awakened by someone trying to pound his castle doors open.
“Who’s that?” he roared as his servants came scampering to report their findings.
“Master Kamenashi, sire,” someone squeaked and bowed his head low.
“Send him away.”
“We tried to, sire, but he wouldn’t go. Not this time. We don’t want to hurt him-“
“You dare to?” Ueda seethed with anger.
“No sire, we never entertained that thought.”
“Good,” he sneered before grabbing his coat. As much as he denied meeting Kamenashi, the other man was still a lingering attachment in his heart. He would just steal a peek and wait till the man tires himself out and leave. Just like all the other times when Kamenashi tried to visit him.
“You coward Tatsuya,” Ueda could hear Kamenashi shouting from behind the gates. “I’m just delivering news that I’m moving back to the capital with Yucchi. Are you too afraid to listen about it?”
Ueda winced and steadied his feet on the other side of the castle door. So here comes the second end of their relationship, the first being when he left their home for the laboratory in hopes of becoming a “better man”.
“I wish you a lifetime of joy and bliss. Make sure he picks you up and helps you with moving.”
“What?” Kamenashi sounded surprise. “I said Yucchi! Nakamaru! Nakamaru Yuichi!”
“He is a good man.”
“Are you not getting jealous?”
Ueda cackled in laughter. Why should he be? Time alone had steadied his emotions. He wasn’t that overbearing and possessive bastard as he was in the past. Kamenashi’s happiness was equivalent to his own. He would want nothing more than that.
“Aren’t you going to punish me? Aren’t you going to hit me so I can at least have a glimpse of you after that day at the city hall?” Kamenashi continued. “You should be mad at what a hypocrite I am. Accuse me of how I missed the life of riches and power in the capital, and that I would be overjoyed to return to it!”
“Riches and power is good,” Ueda replied calmly. “You’ll be well-fed and happy. Now go.”
“I found out about everything. And I’m sorry I thought you chose them. I knew nothing of the false promise they baited you with. They made you into a monster.”
“That doesn’t say anything about the people that I’ve harmed. I’m still the vile villain people fear. If you’re not leaving, I will.”
“Damn it, at the very least, open the door! Tatsuya!”
Ueda steeled his resolve and returned back to his tower. Even though he was a monster now, his heart was still very human. And it hurts every single time; it doesn’t get easier.
“Why do you still hold on to me?”
He would rather Kamenashi remember their past images together, before they left the capital, before he changed, before he committed the irreversible.
“Don’t look for me again,” Ueda whispered under his breath and barricaded himself back in his room.
End.