[One-Shot] Answer
Title: Answer
Pairing: Koki / Kamenashi (KoKame)
Rating: PG
Genre: Slight angst
Word Count: 1,437
Summary: Kamenashi leaves Koki for the second time.
Disclaimer: I don’t own anybody.
Answer
It’s a mistake; Kamenashi didn’t mean it.
He hadn’t plan or anticipated the night to take such a turn.
Tiles stained crimson and his glassy eyes boring through him, Kamenashi remains stunned. He can still hear the faint accusations, the look of desperation before he breathed his last.
It never crossed Kamenashi’s mind that a mere argument could quickly escalate into something uncontrollable; he shouldn’t have retaliated. If Kamenashi had kept it all lying down, he wouldn’t have to die.
If only he could turn back the time…
But there’s no way out now, nothing can change the situation laid in front of him. Backing away from him, Kamenashi flees.
***
Kamenashi continues running, not bothering to slow down even as the winds pick up and the rain starts to pour. Aimlessly scrambling forward, he manoeuvres through crowds and darts into lonely barren streets. Despite not having a destination in mind, Kamenashi reaches a place he least expected.
No, Kamenashi reproaches himself. He shouldn’t have come here. Why did his frenzied mind bring him back again?
Shivering, Kamenashi wills himself to be sober. He must not stay. Not after that accident just minutes or perhaps even hours ago.
As he prepares to trudge elsewhere, anywhere, Kamenashi sees a familiar face in front of him. Sleek black hair and wrinkles that line his eyes whenever he smiles… Koki hasn’t changed.
Too late to escape. They shouldn’t have met.
A frown slowly replaces the brilliance on the other’s man face as Koki gives him a questioning look. It’s understandable, they parted two years ago. Kamenashi didn’t have a reason to reveal himself in front of Koki once more - he left Koki for him. Him whom Kamenashi just robbed life from.
“What are you doing here?”
It’s an unspoken question but Kamenashi can understand it all too clearly from Koki’s stony glare.
He doesn’t have an answer either.
As Koki brushes past Kamenashi and unlocks the door to his own apartment, he leaves the door ajar.
Although silent, it’s an invitation nonetheless.
***
Explanations.
Kamenashi should have given them. However, he says nothing. Koki doesn’t ask for it as well. After all, Koki has always been the sensitive one, excellent at reading atmospheres.
Tossing Kamenashi a towel, Koki returns to his own room, seemingly having no intention to further acknowledge Kamenashi’s presence.
Kamenashi is fine with it.
However, everything in Koki’s house speaks otherwise.
Much to Kamenashi’s surprise, the keys, his forgotten clothes, their photos… they remain untouched. As though faithfully waiting for its owner’s return, they remain polished and in mint condition.
Kamenashi hopes they haven't been that well-maintained. Because they act as a trigger, allowing painful memories to mix with tonight’s horrors.
Kamenashi breaks down and finally sheds his tears.
He knows he isn’t alone though, when he feels an extra set of jacket placed gently over his shoulders.
***
Morning arrives and his tears are long dried. Kamenashi notices there’s breakfast for two on the table.
“You can take the couch. You didn’t have to huddle in that corner of my living room while dripping wet.”
That’s the first sentence Koki says in the past 12 hours. Still, Koki doesn’t ask for reasons with respect to Kamenashi’s appearance.
Judging by the a new set of toiletries lain neatly on the other side of the dining table, Kamenashi reads Koki like an open book.They know each other too well - well enough for their romantic spark to be snuffed out. Yet Kamenashi is suddenly thankful for this fact.
Softly whispering his thanks, Kamenashi proceeds to freshen up. And true to his predictions, a white and orange skull t-shirt greets him in the bathroom.
Koki has prepared everything for him, just like in the past.
Kamenashi cries a second time.
***
Kamenashi thinks he did love him so why did the tragedy happen?
He interrogates himself over and over till exhaustion kicks in and Kamenashi soon finds himself slipping into darkness.
***
When consciousness claims him once more, Kamenashi finds himself suffocated under a mob of animals.
A signature trait of Tanaka Koki to rear so many pets and another reason for their break up back then.
Even after a period of absence, they still whine in delight as Kamenashi strokes their fur and scratches their backs. Did they miss him like how their owner most probably did?
All the while, Koki remains fixated on the news showing, his lips quivering slightly as an impromptu report flashes across the screen.
Police are actively seeking out a possible suspect of a homicide case that happened yesterday.
Witnesses are highly encouraged to approach officers and render their aid to ensure that the criminal is apprehended as soon as possible.
Koki takes a look at the photo of the victim, snorts and turns off the television.
Kamenashi can tell that Koki is aware; the other man just refuses to believe in it till Kamenashi does so himself.
***
A week passes.
Kamenashi is still holed up in Koki’s apartment.
His head feels as lucid as murky water; whatever that had happened hasn’t sunk in. But how long can he live in denial?
***
There’s a fine line between love and being grateful.
Kamenashi thinks the boundaries are blurred as Koki cares for him unconditionally.
Despite a lack of proper conversation, Koki’s actions speak louder than his words ever will. Meals diligently prepared for him although they still taste awful (Koki should seriously change that rice cooker; any food it produces tastes bad), new clothes that are of his size, letting him stay, keeping all their old mementos out of sight to avoid pressurizing Kamenashi unnecessarily - Kamenashi doesn’t know what to think of it.
But because he has always been selfish, Kamenashi chucks those emotions out of his mind.
He feels too vulnerable, guilt-stricken and confused to consider any other’s feelings right now.
***
“What have you been doing all this years?”
Koki freezes even before he can sip coffee from his mug. His expression dulls, numb and unreadable. Kamenashi figures it was the wrong approach to break the ice.
“Wondering.”
Kamenashi quirks his eyebrow; he never anticipated any form of response from Koki.
“About what?”
“Do you really want to know?”
Kamenashi nods clumsily.
“About why I’m so incompetent that I couldn’t even make the person I love stay by my side.”
Kamenashi stills and wisps of remorse wraps around him again. He wonders too, if he has outstayed his time at Koki’s place.
“I’m sorry but I have to go.”
For the second time.
Albeit a lack of response, Kamenashi can see, feel the sorrow in Koki’s eyes.
***
Kamenashi goes against his words.
He finds himself lounging on Koki’s couch five days after their conversation.
The windows are open wide today, Kamenashi notes. An infrequent habit of Koki.
It takes a moment but Kamenashi comprehends Koki’s intentions. And it works because Kamenashi is tempted to take a step out once more.
***
“I killed him.”
Koki doesn’t flinch when Kamenashi confesses.
“So you did.”
“I don’t want to run anymore.”
The first form of emotion finally shows on Koki’s face - sadness and unwillingness.
“I’ll wait,” Koki eventually struggles to say.
“Why?”
“Because that’s all I’ve been doing since you screamed at me and stomped out that day.”
“I’m sorry.”
A belated apology before they part ways again.
“Don’t be.”
Koki leans in and captures Kamenashi lips with a gentle kiss. Instantly, Kamenashi melts into Koki’s touch and an internal conflict arises within him; Kamenashi doesn’t want to leave, not after the feelings between them has been ignited once more. .
But Kamenashi fights his urges. Although he can’t right a wrong, there’s ways to make up for it (at the very least) to appease people that cared for him. Kamenashi wasn’t the only one in his life.
Pushing Koki away, Kamenashi strengthens his resolve.
“Forget me.”
“Is that your answer?”
“Yes, it has always been that since two years ago.” Kamenashi’s heart cracks a little. “Don’t cling on to things that no longer belong to you.”
With that, Kamenashi walks out of the apartment.
He wants to take back his words, wants to bask in Koki’s embrace, wants to relive the days he failed to appreciate… everything is too late now though. He has to live up to his principles and never shrink responsibility from something of that gravity.
As he quickens his pace before finally breaking out into a run, he hears a voice behind him.
“No matter what you do or say, I’ll wait for you. Here.”
Kamenashi doesn’t stop to check if that was a figment of his imagination or reality.
End.
Author’s Note: Abrupt feels >_> And the annoying habit of writing even though I’m crushed under a pile of uncompleted assignments. It's unbeta-ed so cookies for anyone who corrects my atrocious grammar. Thank you for reading!
Pairing: Koki / Kamenashi (KoKame)
Rating: PG
Genre: Slight angst
Word Count: 1,437
Summary: Kamenashi leaves Koki for the second time.
Disclaimer: I don’t own anybody.
Answer
It’s a mistake; Kamenashi didn’t mean it.
He hadn’t plan or anticipated the night to take such a turn.
Tiles stained crimson and his glassy eyes boring through him, Kamenashi remains stunned. He can still hear the faint accusations, the look of desperation before he breathed his last.
It never crossed Kamenashi’s mind that a mere argument could quickly escalate into something uncontrollable; he shouldn’t have retaliated. If Kamenashi had kept it all lying down, he wouldn’t have to die.
If only he could turn back the time…
But there’s no way out now, nothing can change the situation laid in front of him. Backing away from him, Kamenashi flees.
***
Kamenashi continues running, not bothering to slow down even as the winds pick up and the rain starts to pour. Aimlessly scrambling forward, he manoeuvres through crowds and darts into lonely barren streets. Despite not having a destination in mind, Kamenashi reaches a place he least expected.
No, Kamenashi reproaches himself. He shouldn’t have come here. Why did his frenzied mind bring him back again?
Shivering, Kamenashi wills himself to be sober. He must not stay. Not after that accident just minutes or perhaps even hours ago.
As he prepares to trudge elsewhere, anywhere, Kamenashi sees a familiar face in front of him. Sleek black hair and wrinkles that line his eyes whenever he smiles… Koki hasn’t changed.
Too late to escape. They shouldn’t have met.
A frown slowly replaces the brilliance on the other’s man face as Koki gives him a questioning look. It’s understandable, they parted two years ago. Kamenashi didn’t have a reason to reveal himself in front of Koki once more - he left Koki for him. Him whom Kamenashi just robbed life from.
“What are you doing here?”
It’s an unspoken question but Kamenashi can understand it all too clearly from Koki’s stony glare.
He doesn’t have an answer either.
As Koki brushes past Kamenashi and unlocks the door to his own apartment, he leaves the door ajar.
Although silent, it’s an invitation nonetheless.
***
Explanations.
Kamenashi should have given them. However, he says nothing. Koki doesn’t ask for it as well. After all, Koki has always been the sensitive one, excellent at reading atmospheres.
Tossing Kamenashi a towel, Koki returns to his own room, seemingly having no intention to further acknowledge Kamenashi’s presence.
Kamenashi is fine with it.
However, everything in Koki’s house speaks otherwise.
Much to Kamenashi’s surprise, the keys, his forgotten clothes, their photos… they remain untouched. As though faithfully waiting for its owner’s return, they remain polished and in mint condition.
Kamenashi hopes they haven't been that well-maintained. Because they act as a trigger, allowing painful memories to mix with tonight’s horrors.
Kamenashi breaks down and finally sheds his tears.
He knows he isn’t alone though, when he feels an extra set of jacket placed gently over his shoulders.
***
Morning arrives and his tears are long dried. Kamenashi notices there’s breakfast for two on the table.
“You can take the couch. You didn’t have to huddle in that corner of my living room while dripping wet.”
That’s the first sentence Koki says in the past 12 hours. Still, Koki doesn’t ask for reasons with respect to Kamenashi’s appearance.
Judging by the a new set of toiletries lain neatly on the other side of the dining table, Kamenashi reads Koki like an open book.They know each other too well - well enough for their romantic spark to be snuffed out. Yet Kamenashi is suddenly thankful for this fact.
Softly whispering his thanks, Kamenashi proceeds to freshen up. And true to his predictions, a white and orange skull t-shirt greets him in the bathroom.
Koki has prepared everything for him, just like in the past.
Kamenashi cries a second time.
***
Kamenashi thinks he did love him so why did the tragedy happen?
He interrogates himself over and over till exhaustion kicks in and Kamenashi soon finds himself slipping into darkness.
***
When consciousness claims him once more, Kamenashi finds himself suffocated under a mob of animals.
A signature trait of Tanaka Koki to rear so many pets and another reason for their break up back then.
Even after a period of absence, they still whine in delight as Kamenashi strokes their fur and scratches their backs. Did they miss him like how their owner most probably did?
All the while, Koki remains fixated on the news showing, his lips quivering slightly as an impromptu report flashes across the screen.
Police are actively seeking out a possible suspect of a homicide case that happened yesterday.
Witnesses are highly encouraged to approach officers and render their aid to ensure that the criminal is apprehended as soon as possible.
Koki takes a look at the photo of the victim, snorts and turns off the television.
Kamenashi can tell that Koki is aware; the other man just refuses to believe in it till Kamenashi does so himself.
***
A week passes.
Kamenashi is still holed up in Koki’s apartment.
His head feels as lucid as murky water; whatever that had happened hasn’t sunk in. But how long can he live in denial?
***
There’s a fine line between love and being grateful.
Kamenashi thinks the boundaries are blurred as Koki cares for him unconditionally.
Despite a lack of proper conversation, Koki’s actions speak louder than his words ever will. Meals diligently prepared for him although they still taste awful (Koki should seriously change that rice cooker; any food it produces tastes bad), new clothes that are of his size, letting him stay, keeping all their old mementos out of sight to avoid pressurizing Kamenashi unnecessarily - Kamenashi doesn’t know what to think of it.
But because he has always been selfish, Kamenashi chucks those emotions out of his mind.
He feels too vulnerable, guilt-stricken and confused to consider any other’s feelings right now.
***
“What have you been doing all this years?”
Koki freezes even before he can sip coffee from his mug. His expression dulls, numb and unreadable. Kamenashi figures it was the wrong approach to break the ice.
“Wondering.”
Kamenashi quirks his eyebrow; he never anticipated any form of response from Koki.
“About what?”
“Do you really want to know?”
Kamenashi nods clumsily.
“About why I’m so incompetent that I couldn’t even make the person I love stay by my side.”
Kamenashi stills and wisps of remorse wraps around him again. He wonders too, if he has outstayed his time at Koki’s place.
“I’m sorry but I have to go.”
For the second time.
Albeit a lack of response, Kamenashi can see, feel the sorrow in Koki’s eyes.
***
Kamenashi goes against his words.
He finds himself lounging on Koki’s couch five days after their conversation.
The windows are open wide today, Kamenashi notes. An infrequent habit of Koki.
It takes a moment but Kamenashi comprehends Koki’s intentions. And it works because Kamenashi is tempted to take a step out once more.
***
“I killed him.”
Koki doesn’t flinch when Kamenashi confesses.
“So you did.”
“I don’t want to run anymore.”
The first form of emotion finally shows on Koki’s face - sadness and unwillingness.
“I’ll wait,” Koki eventually struggles to say.
“Why?”
“Because that’s all I’ve been doing since you screamed at me and stomped out that day.”
“I’m sorry.”
A belated apology before they part ways again.
“Don’t be.”
Koki leans in and captures Kamenashi lips with a gentle kiss. Instantly, Kamenashi melts into Koki’s touch and an internal conflict arises within him; Kamenashi doesn’t want to leave, not after the feelings between them has been ignited once more. .
But Kamenashi fights his urges. Although he can’t right a wrong, there’s ways to make up for it (at the very least) to appease people that cared for him. Kamenashi wasn’t the only one in his life.
Pushing Koki away, Kamenashi strengthens his resolve.
“Forget me.”
“Is that your answer?”
“Yes, it has always been that since two years ago.” Kamenashi’s heart cracks a little. “Don’t cling on to things that no longer belong to you.”
With that, Kamenashi walks out of the apartment.
He wants to take back his words, wants to bask in Koki’s embrace, wants to relive the days he failed to appreciate… everything is too late now though. He has to live up to his principles and never shrink responsibility from something of that gravity.
As he quickens his pace before finally breaking out into a run, he hears a voice behind him.
“No matter what you do or say, I’ll wait for you. Here.”
Kamenashi doesn’t stop to check if that was a figment of his imagination or reality.
End.
Author’s Note: Abrupt feels >_> And the annoying habit of writing even though I’m crushed under a pile of uncompleted assignments. It's unbeta-ed so cookies for anyone who corrects my atrocious grammar. Thank you for reading!