ON YOUR OWN - a House/Cuddy/Wilson/Amber finale video
I'm already crying about the idea of going through and doing the write-up for this. You'll see at the end of the video that it's dated June 5. That's because that's when I finished it and I just have been holding onto it because it is so hard. I've been absolutely dreading letting it go, and also writing up the commentary. I feel like I have so much to say and not enough to say at the same time. This is by far the most emotionally involved I have ever been in a video.
Also. I have flipped a coin 5 times over whether or not to post this now or wait more. Two tails, three heads. I think that means this is right. So here we are.
(click for youtube link)
DOWNLOAD
.WMV - 50MB | iPod
A House/Cuddy/Wilson/Amber video, focusing on the Season 4 finale. It's meant to show the parallels between House and Amber as individuals, and the unique, honest relationship they had. It also shows the parallels between the House/Cuddy and Amber/Wilson relationships. It shows the struggle and emotion of life, near-death, and eventually death, as the four of them learn that nobody gets anywhere alone. This was so overwhelming to make because I saw so much more about the situation than I had seen before.
It was also really jkldhsfa to me because I got to ~premiere~ it to four House/Cuddy fans when I had the pleasure and privilege of meeting up with them in New York last month. That was an intensely beautiful and rewarding experience, and I won't forget the sounds they made or they way they grabbed hold of my arm and hands. I can't even. ♥. Thank you iwant_sprinkles, sunspawn, girlie_girl_23, and awesomepossum8 for that. This video just kept giving. It just kept giving me emotion and experiences I won't forget, and that might sound really stupid because this is just a fanvideo, but I learned so much about this show, my friends, relationships, myself, and what it means to feel this way. I felt so much, I felt everything.
Feel free to watch this first, and then read the notes and commentary (and watch it again with these things in mind, if you choose). I think it's really beautiful to watch it and form your own thoughts and opinions on it before I point things out to you. ♥
Commentary
0:12 - her eyes moving on those two beats. watch the timing on this whole beginning section, actually. they gave us such beautiful shots, and this whole bit was just to set up the whole House/Wilson/Amber part of it all.
0:30 - "Tough, you think you got the stuff. You're telling me and anyone you're hard enough." Amber during her 'audition' days, back when she was Cutthroat Bitch instead of Amber.
0:44 - I wanted to introduce Cuddy. ♥
1:20 - "Listen to me now - I need to let you know..." "Don't do it." was meant to go with those lyrics, him telling her to stop.
1:26 - this feels so much more complicated than commentary right now. I don't even know what to say. I love this shot of Wilson and it feels really foreshadowing of the House/Wilson fallout.
1:32 - "And it's you when I look in the mirror." Amber turns around and looks at House, the mirror of herself. House and Amber are so incredibly alike and I really feel that that is very intense for them both.
1:42 - his mouth, watch their mouths. This scene, oh my god, there is so much understanding and respect between them even though they pretend to fight most of the time.
1:50 - introduction of the OT4, the first time we see that Cuddy is going to be a focus in this video as well.
1:54 - his hands on those drums. and then Cuddy's and House's eyes.
2:01 - introduction of the House/Cuddy relationship, this section.
2:13 - While Wilson and Cuddy disagree and argue, House finds understanding and calm in Amber. I wanted that antithetical juxtaposition to show how alike they were. While Cuddy and Wilson scream, House and Amber don't say a thing... because they don't need to.
2:22 - her bottom lip.
2:36 - Amber/Cuddy parallels. Both there during House's near-death experiences, and I noticed that we got shots of the both of them checking his pulse.
2:48 - Amber/Wilson parallel with the CPR. I CANNOT EVEN EXPLAIN IN WORDS HOW THESE SCENES FROM 2:30-2:54 LINE UP AND MATCH EACH OTHER AND THERE ARE SO MANY PARALLELS BETWEEN ALL FOUR OF THESE CHARACTERS, I CAN'T EVEN.
2:51 - "mirror". House/Amber parallel, relating to the first mirror. That is a core idea of this, that they are each other's mirror. And first we saw House dying and being worked on and now it's Amber, emphasized by the fact that Wilson does not move between the two shots, he stays on the left. We also see a House/Cuddy parallel, as first it was Cuddy working on the patient's mouth and now it's House.
2:55 - the crying parallels to 3:00 :(
3:03 - the very first thing I saw in my head when I found this song, and the very first clip I put onto the timeline.
3:14 - the cane. this was meant to tie in with 1:10, Amber handing him the cane on the bus. At first I didn't have 1:10 in here, but when I got to this crash scene, I wanted the cane shot in there so I went back and added that to make it make more sense.
3:21 - "Can you hear me when I sing?" This is another one of those spots with about 500 parallels. Annnd I am trying to think of a way to verbalize this clearly. You've got both of the archetypal "House"s of these relationships extremely close to death. You've got the other parts of these relationships waiting at their bedsides. And what I found interesting and extremely beautiful was that one of them was waiting for a set of eyes to close as a sign of life, and the other was waiting for a set of eyes to open as a sign of life, and too forthcoming death. So I put the shot of House closing his eyes before the shot of Amber opening hers on the word "sing", to symbolize all of that, the passing of life and death between them.
3:31 - "You are the reason I sing. You're the reason why the opera's in me." ♥
3:52 - "Still gotta let you know..." "I love you." I'm sure he told her before but it just breaks my heart, still gotta let you know.
3:54 - "A house doesn't make a home." He opens his door to his empty bed. The bed she picked out, the bed they picked out together, and now he has to sleep in it alone. 3:59 - I was so glad to find that Amber was on the left and Wilson on the right, and how here, Wilson's on the right and her note is on the left. IDK how to explain this. It was sort of meant to be a fade between her living, breathing body and that note? She's still there, metaphorically, in the form of that note, even though she's not THERE, on his right.
4:13 - "And it's you that makes it hard to let go." As he reaches for her. Also watch for the light passing between them. I wanted to put that light in there to symbolize House's effort. I talk about it later in here, but he tried SO hard to get to her and he didn't allow himself to pass out or even take care of himself until he got to her.
4:23 - it's almost like he thinks back and remembers the times that she was there for him too, even though he wouldn't admit it or notice at the time.
4:30 - THAT. LOOK. ON HER FACE. THAT HONESTY. THAT VULNERABILITY.
4:33 - "The best you can do is to fake it." His mind subconsciously blocked out that it was Amber because it was too much, so he had to fake it.
4:56 - "I stay here with you." I overlayed that shot of House on those words to show that he was in a coma and he did legitimately have that choice.
5:00 - ♥ ♥ ♥ she's the reason.
5:06 - the shutting off of the machines is meant to coincide her blinking and her sighing, her death into new life, because she IS in a better place and she accomplished so so many things in regards to the three living characters.
I don't even know. I really hope you're able to see these things without my explaining them because I don't feel that I explained this video in proportion to how I feel about it and what choices and decisions went into it. I don't know if words can express it, her, them, I don't know.
♥ as always, I'd love your thoughts. ♥
THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME!
♥ ♥ ♥
Notes & Analysis
you do not have to read this. tbh, I worry about this entry being too long, so seriously, only read this if you WANT to. ♥
→ the House/Amber relationship. I don't mean that romantically, I mean it as what it is. I've never noticed how beautiful it was, and I wish I would have vidded this before because I was *just* getting into them and figuring them out as I was doing this. But I couldn't have vidded this before, because it focuses on the finale and it's so paradoxical and ironic and it upsets me that they're done, that she's done. Because I think they had something really good going. Obviously this video is House/Cuddy/Wilson/Amber OT4, but there is a large focus on House and Amber, the parallels between them, and the intensity they had when they spoke to one another. That's the best way I can describe it - it was so fucking intense, and there was something in their eyes. Understanding, challenge, ferocity, and a slight bit of weakness - being around someone who is so. like. you. is intimidating in the fact that they can see inside you where others can't, and you're not used to it. They had that.
→ House and Amber on the bus. I cried randomly throughout editing this, for little reasons, but what really, and I mean REALLY got me what thinking about how Wilson will never know how hard House tried to get to her. How he reached for her hand as everything was going to hell. How he crawled across the wreckage to be with her. How he looked at her. How he stayed conscious JUST long enough to tie her scarf around her leg, to try to do what he could to make sure she'd be okay. How he watched her get carried out of the bus and tried to say something and reach for her. Wilson? Won't ever get to see that. He'll go on and be angry at him but god I'm so sympathetic towards House now and I wasn't before. I was mad at him - if he didn't feel the need to get all shitfaced and self-destructive, Amber wouldn't have been on that bus and she wouldn't have been dead. I blamed it on him. And in making this and seeing how he was on that bus - processing it and coupling it with all of the other House/Amber stuff throughout the season - the blame was pulled from him. I just wish Wilson could see how hard he tried to save her, what she meant to him that night.
→ I know why he got off that bus. What does House have in his life? Drugs, his job, Cuddy, and his best friend. That's about it. On the bus, he didn't need the drugs - it didn't hurt there. Now, for someone like House, you'd think that'd trump everything. Especially since it is SO painful and since he's dealt with it for years and it quite literally is the focus of his life, the negative focus of his life. It makes it hell. So if he found a place where he didn't HAVE that anymore, he'd stay there, surely. Wouldn't you? At this point, his best friend is gone. And he knows this, he admits this. What the fuck WOULD he go back to that pain for? Answer - look to his bedside. Cuddy. Can you think of any other possible reason he'd get off that bus? What else would he have to live for? This might just be my shipper bias but I've honestly racked my brain for reasons he'd get off that bus. Wilson's mad at him, he's not on good terms with his parents, he has no official girlfriend, no pets, no days without pain, and he is a miserable individual, besides. But he does have Cuddy. And she's not going anywhere, metaphorically OR physically. She never has. This is just my personal take on it and how I'm choosing to see it - it doesn't necessarily mean it's fact. ♥ I didn't realize until now that maybe he also went back because he wanted to fight for Wilson, he felt it was a relationship worth fighting for. See, it just keeps giving.
→ Amber. She was far from pointless, she served such a purpose, purposes, actually. For one, she (hopefully) changed Wilson. She taught him how to take care of himself instead of other people. And I hope that sticks even now that she's gone. And her death is so multi-faceted - it damaged one relationship (House/Wilson) and strengthened another (House/Cuddy). Her death changed House, too - she convinced him to get off the bus. She convinced him to live. She was a brilliant character - passionate and fierce and strong and sure of herself. Always. And now she's gone. I just... I think it would have been nice for people to see that longer. I keep reminding myself that she and her death weren't in vain but it's really sad. And it only JUST hit me, two weeks later, as I was vidding this. That's another reason - I vid to understand. And it helps me make sense of so much, and I only hope that you're able to take away as much from this video as I have. ♥
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Also. I have flipped a coin 5 times over whether or not to post this now or wait more. Two tails, three heads. I think that means this is right. So here we are.
(click for youtube link)
DOWNLOAD
.WMV - 50MB | iPod
A House/Cuddy/Wilson/Amber video, focusing on the Season 4 finale. It's meant to show the parallels between House and Amber as individuals, and the unique, honest relationship they had. It also shows the parallels between the House/Cuddy and Amber/Wilson relationships. It shows the struggle and emotion of life, near-death, and eventually death, as the four of them learn that nobody gets anywhere alone. This was so overwhelming to make because I saw so much more about the situation than I had seen before.
It was also really jkldhsfa to me because I got to ~premiere~ it to four House/Cuddy fans when I had the pleasure and privilege of meeting up with them in New York last month. That was an intensely beautiful and rewarding experience, and I won't forget the sounds they made or they way they grabbed hold of my arm and hands. I can't even. ♥. Thank you iwant_sprinkles, sunspawn, girlie_girl_23, and awesomepossum8 for that. This video just kept giving. It just kept giving me emotion and experiences I won't forget, and that might sound really stupid because this is just a fanvideo, but I learned so much about this show, my friends, relationships, myself, and what it means to feel this way. I felt so much, I felt everything.
Feel free to watch this first, and then read the notes and commentary (and watch it again with these things in mind, if you choose). I think it's really beautiful to watch it and form your own thoughts and opinions on it before I point things out to you. ♥
Commentary
0:12 - her eyes moving on those two beats. watch the timing on this whole beginning section, actually. they gave us such beautiful shots, and this whole bit was just to set up the whole House/Wilson/Amber part of it all.
0:30 - "Tough, you think you got the stuff. You're telling me and anyone you're hard enough." Amber during her 'audition' days, back when she was Cutthroat Bitch instead of Amber.
0:44 - I wanted to introduce Cuddy. ♥
1:20 - "Listen to me now - I need to let you know..." "Don't do it." was meant to go with those lyrics, him telling her to stop.
1:26 - this feels so much more complicated than commentary right now. I don't even know what to say. I love this shot of Wilson and it feels really foreshadowing of the House/Wilson fallout.
1:32 - "And it's you when I look in the mirror." Amber turns around and looks at House, the mirror of herself. House and Amber are so incredibly alike and I really feel that that is very intense for them both.
1:42 - his mouth, watch their mouths. This scene, oh my god, there is so much understanding and respect between them even though they pretend to fight most of the time.
1:50 - introduction of the OT4, the first time we see that Cuddy is going to be a focus in this video as well.
1:54 - his hands on those drums. and then Cuddy's and House's eyes.
2:01 - introduction of the House/Cuddy relationship, this section.
2:13 - While Wilson and Cuddy disagree and argue, House finds understanding and calm in Amber. I wanted that antithetical juxtaposition to show how alike they were. While Cuddy and Wilson scream, House and Amber don't say a thing... because they don't need to.
2:22 - her bottom lip.
2:36 - Amber/Cuddy parallels. Both there during House's near-death experiences, and I noticed that we got shots of the both of them checking his pulse.
2:48 - Amber/Wilson parallel with the CPR. I CANNOT EVEN EXPLAIN IN WORDS HOW THESE SCENES FROM 2:30-2:54 LINE UP AND MATCH EACH OTHER AND THERE ARE SO MANY PARALLELS BETWEEN ALL FOUR OF THESE CHARACTERS, I CAN'T EVEN.
2:51 - "mirror". House/Amber parallel, relating to the first mirror. That is a core idea of this, that they are each other's mirror. And first we saw House dying and being worked on and now it's Amber, emphasized by the fact that Wilson does not move between the two shots, he stays on the left. We also see a House/Cuddy parallel, as first it was Cuddy working on the patient's mouth and now it's House.
2:55 - the crying parallels to 3:00 :(
3:03 - the very first thing I saw in my head when I found this song, and the very first clip I put onto the timeline.
3:14 - the cane. this was meant to tie in with 1:10, Amber handing him the cane on the bus. At first I didn't have 1:10 in here, but when I got to this crash scene, I wanted the cane shot in there so I went back and added that to make it make more sense.
3:21 - "Can you hear me when I sing?" This is another one of those spots with about 500 parallels. Annnd I am trying to think of a way to verbalize this clearly. You've got both of the archetypal "House"s of these relationships extremely close to death. You've got the other parts of these relationships waiting at their bedsides. And what I found interesting and extremely beautiful was that one of them was waiting for a set of eyes to close as a sign of life, and the other was waiting for a set of eyes to open as a sign of life, and too forthcoming death. So I put the shot of House closing his eyes before the shot of Amber opening hers on the word "sing", to symbolize all of that, the passing of life and death between them.
3:31 - "You are the reason I sing. You're the reason why the opera's in me." ♥
3:52 - "Still gotta let you know..." "I love you." I'm sure he told her before but it just breaks my heart, still gotta let you know.
3:54 - "A house doesn't make a home." He opens his door to his empty bed. The bed she picked out, the bed they picked out together, and now he has to sleep in it alone. 3:59 - I was so glad to find that Amber was on the left and Wilson on the right, and how here, Wilson's on the right and her note is on the left. IDK how to explain this. It was sort of meant to be a fade between her living, breathing body and that note? She's still there, metaphorically, in the form of that note, even though she's not THERE, on his right.
4:13 - "And it's you that makes it hard to let go." As he reaches for her. Also watch for the light passing between them. I wanted to put that light in there to symbolize House's effort. I talk about it later in here, but he tried SO hard to get to her and he didn't allow himself to pass out or even take care of himself until he got to her.
4:23 - it's almost like he thinks back and remembers the times that she was there for him too, even though he wouldn't admit it or notice at the time.
4:30 - THAT. LOOK. ON HER FACE. THAT HONESTY. THAT VULNERABILITY.
4:33 - "The best you can do is to fake it." His mind subconsciously blocked out that it was Amber because it was too much, so he had to fake it.
4:56 - "I stay here with you." I overlayed that shot of House on those words to show that he was in a coma and he did legitimately have that choice.
5:00 - ♥ ♥ ♥ she's the reason.
5:06 - the shutting off of the machines is meant to coincide her blinking and her sighing, her death into new life, because she IS in a better place and she accomplished so so many things in regards to the three living characters.
I don't even know. I really hope you're able to see these things without my explaining them because I don't feel that I explained this video in proportion to how I feel about it and what choices and decisions went into it. I don't know if words can express it, her, them, I don't know.
♥ as always, I'd love your thoughts. ♥
THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME!
♥ ♥ ♥
Notes & Analysis
you do not have to read this. tbh, I worry about this entry being too long, so seriously, only read this if you WANT to. ♥
→ the House/Amber relationship. I don't mean that romantically, I mean it as what it is. I've never noticed how beautiful it was, and I wish I would have vidded this before because I was *just* getting into them and figuring them out as I was doing this. But I couldn't have vidded this before, because it focuses on the finale and it's so paradoxical and ironic and it upsets me that they're done, that she's done. Because I think they had something really good going. Obviously this video is House/Cuddy/Wilson/Amber OT4, but there is a large focus on House and Amber, the parallels between them, and the intensity they had when they spoke to one another. That's the best way I can describe it - it was so fucking intense, and there was something in their eyes. Understanding, challenge, ferocity, and a slight bit of weakness - being around someone who is so. like. you. is intimidating in the fact that they can see inside you where others can't, and you're not used to it. They had that.
→ House and Amber on the bus. I cried randomly throughout editing this, for little reasons, but what really, and I mean REALLY got me what thinking about how Wilson will never know how hard House tried to get to her. How he reached for her hand as everything was going to hell. How he crawled across the wreckage to be with her. How he looked at her. How he stayed conscious JUST long enough to tie her scarf around her leg, to try to do what he could to make sure she'd be okay. How he watched her get carried out of the bus and tried to say something and reach for her. Wilson? Won't ever get to see that. He'll go on and be angry at him but god I'm so sympathetic towards House now and I wasn't before. I was mad at him - if he didn't feel the need to get all shitfaced and self-destructive, Amber wouldn't have been on that bus and she wouldn't have been dead. I blamed it on him. And in making this and seeing how he was on that bus - processing it and coupling it with all of the other House/Amber stuff throughout the season - the blame was pulled from him. I just wish Wilson could see how hard he tried to save her, what she meant to him that night.
→ I know why he got off that bus. What does House have in his life? Drugs, his job, Cuddy, and his best friend. That's about it. On the bus, he didn't need the drugs - it didn't hurt there. Now, for someone like House, you'd think that'd trump everything. Especially since it is SO painful and since he's dealt with it for years and it quite literally is the focus of his life, the negative focus of his life. It makes it hell. So if he found a place where he didn't HAVE that anymore, he'd stay there, surely. Wouldn't you? At this point, his best friend is gone. And he knows this, he admits this. What the fuck WOULD he go back to that pain for? Answer - look to his bedside. Cuddy. Can you think of any other possible reason he'd get off that bus? What else would he have to live for? This might just be my shipper bias but I've honestly racked my brain for reasons he'd get off that bus. Wilson's mad at him, he's not on good terms with his parents, he has no official girlfriend, no pets, no days without pain, and he is a miserable individual, besides. But he does have Cuddy. And she's not going anywhere, metaphorically OR physically. She never has. This is just my personal take on it and how I'm choosing to see it - it doesn't necessarily mean it's fact. ♥ I didn't realize until now that maybe he also went back because he wanted to fight for Wilson, he felt it was a relationship worth fighting for. See, it just keeps giving.
→ Amber. She was far from pointless, she served such a purpose, purposes, actually. For one, she (hopefully) changed Wilson. She taught him how to take care of himself instead of other people. And I hope that sticks even now that she's gone. And her death is so multi-faceted - it damaged one relationship (House/Wilson) and strengthened another (House/Cuddy). Her death changed House, too - she convinced him to get off the bus. She convinced him to live. She was a brilliant character - passionate and fierce and strong and sure of herself. Always. And now she's gone. I just... I think it would have been nice for people to see that longer. I keep reminding myself that she and her death weren't in vain but it's really sad. And it only JUST hit me, two weeks later, as I was vidding this. That's another reason - I vid to understand. And it helps me make sense of so much, and I only hope that you're able to take away as much from this video as I have. ♥
Like what you see?
+JOIN alchemic_dreams
+Subscribe to my channel
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