(no subject)
dear:life
there are sometimes days when everything seems perfect. when life is just life and you live it just to feel. and the point of that is to feel great. to feel like happiness as it is said to be the greatest good , is far beyong that . happiness is merely just living. why then is it that my merely just living wass lost somewhere along the way. why is that that no matter how much i want it or how much i was to take away the nedative in my life there is allwyas that part that takes control. if its not food its something else. i kill myawl every fuckinf day. trying to contrio, the things i can control. i look at myself in the mirror and thing, how ugly am i. i sit there and contemplate how far am i willing to go. will i eventually deplete myself as a person. because im getting to that poiont of where i dont know who i am anymore. i miss it. knowing who i was. loving who i was. poeple lobving who i was,. but know when i thiink about it . who is left to know who i am anymore. who is left in my life to llook at me and see me dfor who i am. my bestfriend doesnt even know who that is. and sometimes i even question if thats what we are. and then theres days like today when she says it. "we're best friends of course i care" but how are we. the truth is. i hide. everyday and eveuything . i cry almost everynight. and i hate myself everydfay\. i never use to care if the bvbed was made. i never cared if there was fucking water ;eft in the kitchen sink. i didnt clean my house . i didnt think about how fat i9 looked. but now. all i think about is. not gowq much i have gained, but how much i have lost. and it is my downfall and i wish that i could change everything tht i am now into everything that i was a lpong time ago. but who was that. someone who would write in here everyday girlfriend.
there are sometimes days when everything seems perfect. when life is just life and you live it just to feel. and the point of that is to feel great. to feel like happiness as it is said to be the greatest good , is far beyong that . happiness is merely just living. why then is it that my merely just living wass lost somewhere along the way. why is that that no matter how much i want it or how much i was to take away the nedative in my life there is allwyas that part that takes control. if its not food its something else. i kill myawl every fuckinf day. trying to contrio, the things i can control. i look at myself in the mirror and thing, how ugly am i. i sit there and contemplate how far am i willing to go. will i eventually deplete myself as a person. because im getting to that poiont of where i dont know who i am anymore. i miss it. knowing who i was. loving who i was. poeple lobving who i was,. but know when i thiink about it . who is left to know who i am anymore. who is left in my life to llook at me and see me dfor who i am. my bestfriend doesnt even know who that is. and sometimes i even question if thats what we are. and then theres days like today when she says it. "we're best friends of course i care" but how are we. the truth is. i hide. everyday and eveuything . i cry almost everynight. and i hate myself everydfay\. i never use to care if the bvbed was made. i never cared if there was fucking water ;eft in the kitchen sink. i didnt clean my house . i didnt think about how fat i9 looked. but now. all i think about is. not gowq much i have gained, but how much i have lost. and it is my downfall and i wish that i could change everything tht i am now into everything that i was a lpong time ago. but who was that. someone who would write in here everyday girlfriend.