(no subject)
Title: Diary. Part 3.
Characters: Gabriel/Eden.
Rating: R-ish.
Word count: 1,258.
Disclaimer: Do not own.
Summery: Gabriel writes down his day to day life.
Note: WIP. He loves her smiles :s
Parts: 1, 2, 3, 4
Saturday July 22nd
Haven’t slept, feeling a bit down. I put her book on the bookshelf with all the others because it was making me feel odd touching it.
I’m going to count and catalogue the books.
Sunday July 23rd
I started day dreaming in church, thinking about her. I’m really nervous about seeing her tomorrow and I started thinking what would happen. Like I get on the train and she knows I followed her. She slaps me, calls the police and other bad things.
I know I’m being ridiculous, I’m sure she didn’t know, but I could be wrong. Maybe I shouldn’t get the train anymore, just to be on the safe side. I’ve got a bike.
Monday July 24th
She didn’t slap me, she smiled at me! I got on and she was in my seat (her seat now) and she smiled, really friendly. I feel so relieved but also puzzled. Why would she smile at me? Maybe she’s confused me with someone else? I’m not that memorable after all.
Anyway I’m glad I didn’t take the bike to work.
Just got back from the shop and had my dinner. Ok I think she definitely recognises me now, she smiled again (I really like that). Don’t know why she does it, no one smiles at strangers, even if they’re familiar. Certainly not at me. Before today I didn’t really acknowledge her looks but I did today, it would be rude if I ignored her. She got on, saw me and headed towards where I was standing. She turned around so that her back was facing my chest (she’s soo small, I’m like a foot taller then she is). There wasn’t many people there, not enough so that she had to move back but she did. She leaned into me. I could feel her back rising and falling against my chest, she could probably feel mine.
I totally forgot about the book. She was all I thought about.
But I got off at my stop. Never doing that again.
Tuesday July 25th
Morning: I’m dreaming about her. I don’t know how long I slept but I woke up with a very vivid sense that I had just - I can’t even write it down, not when it’s still over me. She is even.
Smiled again. I know it’s just a small thing and probably doesn’t mean anything to her but to me…to me it’s like the 4th of July. Fireworks and heat and color. All that commotion and excitement compressed into a smile.
I hope I sleep tonight, I hope I dream.
Wednesday July 26th
I just woke up from a dream. I don’t usually write down my dreams, I should get a diary for that really.
That was…intense. I can’t remember the last time I had a sexual type dream, certainly nothing as vivid as that. I usually dream about watches.
Ok so I was in the train and it was empty. The light was different, everything was bathed in this low green light, emerald, and it pulsed. I was sitting in my seat and she was on her knees in front of me. She ran her hands over my knees, up my thighs and spread them apart. She was wearing that dress, it was hanging off her shoulder, ready to fall off. It looked sheer.
And then she wasn’t wearing anything at all and neither was I. I was aroused, really really aroused. She kept on licking her lips, pink tongue all wet. And then she did it, took all of me in. It was a dream, none of it was real but gosh it felt like it. I don’t even know what that act would feel like but the sensations…I was surprised for a moment that she wasn’t straddling me when I awoke, my hand grasping air. Feel disappointed.
I need to shower now.
Just got in the door, haven’t eaten but I wanted to get this down (I should bring this to work with me all the time). She sat next to me on the way to work, she got up to give her seat to someone and she sat with me. She didn’t even look around she just sat next to me, seemingly totally fine with this. She didn’t speak to me (thank god, I don’t know what I would have said) but she smiled widely before taking a book out of her bag. (I’ve still got hers, I take it with me everyday.)
She turned her body towards me and the side of her leg brushed against mine, touching arms. I didn’t want to get off, I felt really relaxed, sleepy. I wanted to hold her, slip my hand behind her back and turn her more towards me, wanted her to rest against my chest. Gently and soft.
Thursday July 27th
Dreams again but they’re turning into daydreams. Or maybe they were always those because I don’t feel like I’ve had a good rest.
She sits next to me now and I smiled at her before she did (rude if she kept doing it and I never did first.) But she was wearing that dress and I couldn’t help thinking of her like that. All pale pink skin and tongue. I was really uncomfortable but I didn’t get an erection, thank god. I thought I might because she touched my knee when the train jerked. I went red, I know I did, when she smiled at me again.
But the way back was worse (or good?) I was sitting down and when the doors opened a surge of people got on. It was packed within seconds and she was right in front of me. I made to get up so she could sit down but she shook her head, pressed her hand to my shoulder. So I remained in my seat.
I didn’t know where to look, her chest was right in my face. So I just looked at my lap. I had to spread my legs apart to she could make more room for people. She had nothing to hold on to but me, both hand on my shoulders, one knee bracing against the seat between my crotch. I wanted to touch her so much, she was leaning into me, her body so close, but I couldn’t do it. I looked up and I could see that she was breathing heavily, like me. I could see that her skin where she was bending her knee was starting to get red. I took everything I could, everything about her was around me and I absorbed it all.
Her thumb stroked the back of my neck, up and down and I shivered the whole way. I glimpsed her face as I got up, pressed together. She was flushed, she like me.
I don’t observe people, I observe cogs and gears. You know where you are with them because you control them. You can’t with people. Springs and wheels can’t hurt you, they just do what they were made to do. People are confusing and mercurial, saying one thing but meaning another. Years I’ve been closing myself off, I step back from them. Everything about me is a step back. Clothes, apartment, work, even my attitude. I know I look strange to some and that’s ok with me, that’s what I tell myself because then they leave me alone.
But I don’t think I want to be alone anymore. I want to step forward and be present.
I want to be in her present.
*************************************************
RIP Heath Ledger :(
Characters: Gabriel/Eden.
Rating: R-ish.
Word count: 1,258.
Disclaimer: Do not own.
Summery: Gabriel writes down his day to day life.
Note: WIP. He loves her smiles :s
Parts: 1, 2, 3, 4
Saturday July 22nd
Haven’t slept, feeling a bit down. I put her book on the bookshelf with all the others because it was making me feel odd touching it.
I’m going to count and catalogue the books.
Sunday July 23rd
I started day dreaming in church, thinking about her. I’m really nervous about seeing her tomorrow and I started thinking what would happen. Like I get on the train and she knows I followed her. She slaps me, calls the police and other bad things.
I know I’m being ridiculous, I’m sure she didn’t know, but I could be wrong. Maybe I shouldn’t get the train anymore, just to be on the safe side. I’ve got a bike.
Monday July 24th
She didn’t slap me, she smiled at me! I got on and she was in my seat (her seat now) and she smiled, really friendly. I feel so relieved but also puzzled. Why would she smile at me? Maybe she’s confused me with someone else? I’m not that memorable after all.
Anyway I’m glad I didn’t take the bike to work.
Just got back from the shop and had my dinner. Ok I think she definitely recognises me now, she smiled again (I really like that). Don’t know why she does it, no one smiles at strangers, even if they’re familiar. Certainly not at me. Before today I didn’t really acknowledge her looks but I did today, it would be rude if I ignored her. She got on, saw me and headed towards where I was standing. She turned around so that her back was facing my chest (she’s soo small, I’m like a foot taller then she is). There wasn’t many people there, not enough so that she had to move back but she did. She leaned into me. I could feel her back rising and falling against my chest, she could probably feel mine.
I totally forgot about the book. She was all I thought about.
But I got off at my stop. Never doing that again.
Tuesday July 25th
Morning: I’m dreaming about her. I don’t know how long I slept but I woke up with a very vivid sense that I had just - I can’t even write it down, not when it’s still over me. She is even.
Smiled again. I know it’s just a small thing and probably doesn’t mean anything to her but to me…to me it’s like the 4th of July. Fireworks and heat and color. All that commotion and excitement compressed into a smile.
I hope I sleep tonight, I hope I dream.
Wednesday July 26th
I just woke up from a dream. I don’t usually write down my dreams, I should get a diary for that really.
That was…intense. I can’t remember the last time I had a sexual type dream, certainly nothing as vivid as that. I usually dream about watches.
Ok so I was in the train and it was empty. The light was different, everything was bathed in this low green light, emerald, and it pulsed. I was sitting in my seat and she was on her knees in front of me. She ran her hands over my knees, up my thighs and spread them apart. She was wearing that dress, it was hanging off her shoulder, ready to fall off. It looked sheer.
And then she wasn’t wearing anything at all and neither was I. I was aroused, really really aroused. She kept on licking her lips, pink tongue all wet. And then she did it, took all of me in. It was a dream, none of it was real but gosh it felt like it. I don’t even know what that act would feel like but the sensations…I was surprised for a moment that she wasn’t straddling me when I awoke, my hand grasping air. Feel disappointed.
I need to shower now.
Just got in the door, haven’t eaten but I wanted to get this down (I should bring this to work with me all the time). She sat next to me on the way to work, she got up to give her seat to someone and she sat with me. She didn’t even look around she just sat next to me, seemingly totally fine with this. She didn’t speak to me (thank god, I don’t know what I would have said) but she smiled widely before taking a book out of her bag. (I’ve still got hers, I take it with me everyday.)
She turned her body towards me and the side of her leg brushed against mine, touching arms. I didn’t want to get off, I felt really relaxed, sleepy. I wanted to hold her, slip my hand behind her back and turn her more towards me, wanted her to rest against my chest. Gently and soft.
Thursday July 27th
Dreams again but they’re turning into daydreams. Or maybe they were always those because I don’t feel like I’ve had a good rest.
She sits next to me now and I smiled at her before she did (rude if she kept doing it and I never did first.) But she was wearing that dress and I couldn’t help thinking of her like that. All pale pink skin and tongue. I was really uncomfortable but I didn’t get an erection, thank god. I thought I might because she touched my knee when the train jerked. I went red, I know I did, when she smiled at me again.
But the way back was worse (or good?) I was sitting down and when the doors opened a surge of people got on. It was packed within seconds and she was right in front of me. I made to get up so she could sit down but she shook her head, pressed her hand to my shoulder. So I remained in my seat.
I didn’t know where to look, her chest was right in my face. So I just looked at my lap. I had to spread my legs apart to she could make more room for people. She had nothing to hold on to but me, both hand on my shoulders, one knee bracing against the seat between my crotch. I wanted to touch her so much, she was leaning into me, her body so close, but I couldn’t do it. I looked up and I could see that she was breathing heavily, like me. I could see that her skin where she was bending her knee was starting to get red. I took everything I could, everything about her was around me and I absorbed it all.
Her thumb stroked the back of my neck, up and down and I shivered the whole way. I glimpsed her face as I got up, pressed together. She was flushed, she like me.
I don’t observe people, I observe cogs and gears. You know where you are with them because you control them. You can’t with people. Springs and wheels can’t hurt you, they just do what they were made to do. People are confusing and mercurial, saying one thing but meaning another. Years I’ve been closing myself off, I step back from them. Everything about me is a step back. Clothes, apartment, work, even my attitude. I know I look strange to some and that’s ok with me, that’s what I tell myself because then they leave me alone.
But I don’t think I want to be alone anymore. I want to step forward and be present.
I want to be in her present.
*************************************************
RIP Heath Ledger :(