From the office of Dr. Regonald Fonzworth Henzington Hasselhoff III
Ever had high blood pressure? Chances are you've been hanging out with a woman. Studies show that even being around a woman for prolonged periods of time can reduce your life expectancy. Why do you think women's life expectancies are longer than men's? Dieting? Ha! They fall off that wagon so many times Radio Flyer has had to recall nearly all of its models, their REAL diet consists of: Male souls, other womens' misery, and chocolate. Going as far as to fake friendship for a year and a half? If that doesn't scream women I just don't know what does. But folks it doesn't stop there, girly men are also rapers of mental stability. One in 15 men have what I like to call the "z" chromosome. This occurs when one of the x chromosomes that is meant to change to a y, making the embryo a man, doesn't fully change. This can lead to singing, dancing, hiding feelings behind poems that make no sense to anyone but themselves, and quite often enrollment into theater programs and csssa type organizations. More often than not these unfortunate souls do not realize their condition, but there is hope, some treatments have ben known to actually change that chromosome fully. The treatments are such: surgical testicle transplants, hormone therapy, sports, reading playboy, getting a job as a construction worker in the south east United States, the list grows as we speak. Some great successes include : Arnold Schwarzenegger , Steven Segal, and The Rock. The main cure for this horrible disease is prevention, unlike other diseases BNTBBDAP (Bitch Needs to be Brought Down a Peg) does not show symtoms until the victim gains what she/ "he" considers some power or attention, like telling a funny joke so the rest of the week people say oh look its that funny girl, or getting really good at one thing like basketball and mentally transfering that skill to other activities in which he has no skill in. Until these people admit their problem, there is no help for them, as sad as it seems s/he will actually go around truly believing s/he is the best and that she run the show.
Please if you know anyone who has this condition or you think might have it, contact your closest Stop Taking Yourself so Fucking Seriously, Your Shit Stinks Too clinic immediately.
To those of you who take offense to this please leave your address and you will be mailed 5 U.S. Dollars to go and buy yourself a sense of humor.
offers while supplies last, only valid in states that end with "Q" and to U.S. legal residents ages 8- 81/2 between the days of febuary 29-31 when it snows in Los Angeles and the pope plays air guitar to Stevie Nicks "white winged dove" while hopping on one foot. Offer expires as soon as you finish reading this disclaimer...........now................no wait..............now....................now..................now.