[fic] Step by Step; Light and Shade - (16.1/?)
TITLE: Step by Step; Light and Shade
PAIRINGS: Sakuraiba, Matsumiya, Aimiya, Ohmiya, ShoxMaki, and JunxMao
LENGTH: Multi-chaptered
BANDS Arashi (with Horikita Maki and Inoue Mao)
GENRE: Romance, drama... etc.
RATING (by chapter): G-13/14
WARNINGS: AU, language and potentially sexual situations in later chapters.
SUMMARY: "To watch us dance is to hear our hearts speak" - Indian Proverb
Sakurai Sho is the Chief Financial Officer for a large corporation, he has a loving girlfriend, a strange (but friendly) co-worker, and a best friend who teaches a ballroom dance class (which Sho has been guilted into attending). At the class, Sho's encounter with another unorthodox dancer -and his partner- will be the spark needed to kindle new relationships and end others.
PREVIOUS: Step01 Step02 Step03 Step04 Step05 Step06 Step07 Step08 Step09 Step10 Step11 Step12 Step13 Step14 Step15
WARNING NOTE: There is a medical condition mentioned in this chapter. If you decide to google it, be warned that some of the images you might find (including the one on the wikipedia article) are pretty nasty looking. So keep that in mind if you've got a weak stomach.
Step 16.
The transformation was a shock, now that Ohno knew the truth. Ninomiya made an attractive woman, but Ohno found himself straining his eyes to find signs of the man hidden under the wig and makeup. There were lots of tells, Ohno realized. His voice was the most obvious: not at all abnormally high-pitched for a man, but certainly on the deep side for a woman. He also had a tendency to forget and refer to himself with male pronouns, but Ohno had just assumed she was one of those modern women who didn’t bother with the female ones.
Ninomiya cleared her-his throat, standing to one side of the doorframe and shifting uncomfortably under Ohno’s prolonged scrutiny.
“Oh.” He shook his head. “Sorry, did you say something?”
Ninomiya smirked, letting out a quiet huff of laughter. “I said, are you going to let me in?”
Ohno felt himself flush. “Right.” He stepped aside, gesturing for Ninomiya to slip past him. There: another tell. Beneath the fragrant notes of some girly floral perfume, the lingering scent of shampoo and bodywash was of a decidedly masculine variety.
“Let’s stay inside tonight, if you don’t mind.” Nino was saying, shedding his coat and heels. Ohno went through the motions of taking the other man’s jacket and hanging it for him. “I nearly froze to death walking from the station to your apartment.”
“That’s fine with me.” Ohno mumbled, leading the way to the kitchen. “Do you want a drink to warm up? I’ve got tea… or some whiskey if you’d prefer something stronger.”
“Whiskey would be lovely.” Ninomiya smiled devilishly. “Thank you.”
“Good choice.” Ohno smiled back as he set about fetching the liquor and two tumblers. “You purse is on the coffee table in the living room, by the way.”
“Thanks!”
Ohno watched Nino cross over to his things on the table. There was no ease in the way he walked, obviously making an effort to move with a bit of a feminine sway to his hips. So, he probably hadn’t been a cross-dresser for very long. Ohno chewed his lip and turned his concentration back to pouring before he could be caught staring again. He had a thousand questions he wanted to ask, and half a mind just to admit to Ninomiya that he knew.
On the other hand, Ninomiya was a nice person, and Ohno didn’t want to scare him off. Besides, if Ninomiya wanted to pretend to be a woman for whatever reasons, it wasn’t anyone’s place to call him out on it.
So, “Cheers!” he said instead.
Ninomiya took the proffered glass and echoed the sentiment. It was a moment while they both savored the whiskey and let the warmth of alcohol seep into their blood, before either of them next spoke. Ninomiya sat at the island counter and swiveled on the stool to survey the apartment. “Have you spoken to your family since Saturday?”
Ohno was so busy eyeing the shape of Ninomiya’s back (particularly the spread of his shoulders, which were of course wider than the average woman’s) that he didn’t realize he’d been spoken to until Ninomiya swiveled around to raise an eyebrow at him and repeat the question. “Oh.” He answered, still a little distracted. “No. My sister left me a voicemail but I haven’t called her back yet.”
“Your father hasn’t said anything to you?”
“Not a thing. Didn’t even cross paths with him at work today.” He caught the flicker of emotion in Ninomiya’s expression before he could hide it. “No need to feel guilty.” He said, coming around the island to perch on the stool beside him. “My relationship with my father has always been difficult. If I’m lucky, this fiasco might give him an excuse to fire me.” He chuckled.
Ninomiya frowned back at him. “Do you not like your job? I thought since you were an artist, being head of a marketing department would be like a dream come true.”
Ohno sighed. “There’s surprisingly little art involved in being the Chief. I don’t hate working in business,” he hastened to clarify, “but I wish I was selling something I cared about. If there hadn’t been pressure to take over the family corporation, I would never have applied to work at ShunTaro.”
“Where, then?”
Ohno shrugged. It had been a long time since he’d bothered considering any other avenues. “Something smaller… probably related to the arts, somehow. Might even have tried to start something up on my own.”
Ninomiya looked surprisingly interested in what he was saying. His lips were curled in a slightly crooked smile as he listened. “Well.” He said matter-of-factly once Ohno had trailed off. “Maybe you should do it.”
Ohno’s head whipped up to look at him in surprise. Despite the smirk, Ninomiya did look sincere. “What, quit the company?”
“Why not?” Ninomiya finished his drink and set the glass down on the counter. “Unless you need to stay for the paycheck.”
Ohno blinked around at his penthouse apartment. “No… I’ve actually got more income than I know what to do with, at the moment.”
Ninomiya laughed loudly, standing and stretching his arms above his head. “Lucky bastard.” He groaned.
Ohno grinned; standing too and watching the muscles shift beneath the back of Ninomiya’s silk blouse. Ninomiya turned back to face him then, and his eyebrows raised a small fraction upon catching Ohno’s stare. Ohno chuckled, ignoring the question in his eyes and holding out his hand palm-up. “Ready to start?”
+++
“So…”
They stood opposite each other in the darkening studio, locked in a stand off as Jun floundered for something more to say.
“So.” Mao sighed, giving up on waiting for him to speak first. “What’s the plan for this week?”
Jun blinked. “Do you mean… in class?”
Mao shed her jacket, turning her back on his confusion while she hung it on one of the many pegs by the door. “Yes. That’s why we’re here, isn’t it?” The bitterness in her voice crept in unintentionally, but if he didn’t want to bring up what happened (or almost happened) Saturday night, then she certainly wasn’t going to.
“Okay then.” Jun was frowning when she turned back around, but she refused to feel guilty. “Well, I thought instead of a particular lesson, we could focus on helping the couples tidy up their routines for the competition.”
“Good. There’s only- what, two weeks left? We need to practice too.”
“That’s why we’re here.” He mumbled, echoing her earlier quip.
She grimaced. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to start with something more energetic than Moon River tonight.” She fussed with the stereo and the fiery rhythm of a tango burst to life. “I could use a little stress release.”
Jun rolled his shoulders, as they prowled to meet each other in the center of the room. “Works for me.”
They came together like a sudden collision, immediately locking together and sinking down as though time hand slowed to a creep. Jun’s hand was firm on her hip; gliding down her thigh and pressing them together at almost every point along their bodies. On the next beat she whirled away, only to be tugged sharply back into his embrace. Her right leg came up automatically to hook around his waist, and he turned, taking her with him and bending her back at the waist as far as she could go. They held the position for a beat before, again, he was moving; pulling her back up and swinging her into another sharp turn about the floor. When they came together next, she had her back to his chest he held her close, almost vibrating with tension. With one leg out at an angle, she reached her arms above her head. Her hands caressed the sides of his face and neck, trailing down his chest as she sunk to the floor in one fluid, sensual, movement. She felt his breath hitch, but had no time to appreciate his reaction before she was scooped back into his arms.
They danced furiously, every movement charged with volatile electricity as they separated and were drawn back together again and again. When the song ended the silence was deafening, broken only by their own ragged breathing. They faced each other in the center of the room, frozen almost nose-to-nose. Jun’s eyes were dark, pupils swallowing up the brown of his irises. Mao watched his throat bob as he swallowed, and tracked the progress of a bead of sweat from his temple to his jawline. His eyes dropped to her lips, and his hand flexed minutely on her waist. “Mao.” His voice was barely more than a whisper, but she startled at the sound nonetheless. A beat of silence passed, but when he said nothing more, she pulled away.
“Maybe we should call it a night.”
He sighed, shoulders drooping. “No, Mao-chan. I’m sorry.” He followed her over to the stereo. “I just… I don’t know what to say.”
“It’s fine. You don’t have to say anything.”
“No, I do. It’s just that we were drinking, and-“
“I get it, Jun.” Her hands clenched, and she refused to meet his eyes. “It was a mistake. We’ll just pretend it never happened.”
He took her by the shoulders, gently turning her to face him. “That’s not what I’m saying.” He said firmly, ducking his head a little to make eye contact. “”I… I like you.” He shifted nervously under her surprised gaze. “I do. You’re smart and beautiful and funny and I don’t want to hurt you. We were both drinking that night, and I was feeling a little lonely after seeing Ninomiya again. I know it’s totally over with her,” He hastened to add, seeing her grimace, “I just don’t want to accidentally use you as a rebound by rushing into this.” He took a deep breath. “Does that make sense? I want… to take our time, and see where this goes with you.”
“It… makes sense.” Mao felt a weight lifting from her chest, the icy clamp around her lungs and heart finally loosening. “Thank you.” She could hardly believe what she was hearing.
Jun smiled, breathless and still a little unsure. “We can go slow. I know we nearly jumped into bed with each other Saturday night, but let’s start back at the beginning and work our way up to something more.” His hands slid down her arms, tentatively catching her hands in his own. “If we take this slow, then I can make absolutely sure the past is behind me for good.”
She nodded slowly, teeth pressing into her lip as another troubling thought crept to the surface. “About Ninomiya…” She started. “There’s something I think you should know…”
+++
Ninomiya was obviously uncomfortable, though Ohno couldn't blame him. With each turn about the room Ninomiya's cheeks grew redder, fueled in no small part by Ohno's scrutiny.
"Straighter. It's slipping." Ohno called out.
Ninomiya grumbled something that might have been a curse but corrected his posture nonetheless, straightening his back and lifting his arms fractionally. The broom balanced across his raised arms wobbled back into the correct position.
"I have the same problem sometimes, and Sho-kun's so bad I think his shoulders might just be naturally sloped. But you've quite a tendency to hunch for someone who doesn't sit at a desk all day." Ohno commented mildly. "Did you work in an office in the past?"
Ninomiya laughed quietly, looking a little embarrassed. "Um, no. It's probably because I spend so much time slouched playing video games."
"Oh really?” He sat up straighter. “What kind of games?"
"Lots." He shrugged just slightly enough not to dislodge the broom. "I'll play just about any genre, and I've got a bunch of different consoles." Ohno smiled as Ninomiya talked, observing how much more fluid Ninomiya's footwork was when he wasn't concentrating so hard on what his feet were doing. “Good ol' Mario is my favorite though. I always come back to it."
"You didn't strike me as the sort of girl who'd be an enthusiastic gamer. I'm a little surprised." Ohno pointed out.
Ninomiya's footwork immediately faltered. "I, uh, yeah, I guess I don't look it..." Ninomiya trailed off, unsure.
Ohno just smiled, stepping in to take the broom. "I think it's cool," he assured. "I'm not much of a gamer myself, though I have played a little Wii Party at my sister's house."
Ninomiya laughed outright at that. "You should let me introduce you to some real gaming sometime. You have to at least try Super Mario."
"Yeah, I'd like that. It's a date."
If he'd been red cheeked before, it was nothing compared to the flush of Ninomiya's cheeks at that remark. Ohno grinned.
"Still not trying to hit on me, Ohno-san?" He sounded unsure, usual confidence wavering in Ohno's close proximity.
Ohno shrugged. "Can't help myself. You're pretty cute when you're nervous."
Ninomiya spluttered some gibberish, looked mortified, and turned away to fidget with his cell phone. "I--err, I should probably get going." He said, almost visibly smoothing his ruffled feathers. "Thanks for the instruction, I'll keep working on my posture."
"Mm, good." Ohno nodded. "You're getting much better. Will you go to class on Thursday? I'd like to observe you dancing with Aiba-kun."
"He ran off to Chiba this morning to avoid seeing Sakurai-san," Ninomiya spoke a little wryly, "but I'll check with him and see when he's coming back." He hesitated a little when Ohno held up his coat for him to slip into. If he was unnerved by Ohno's hands lingering on his shoulders, he managed to hide it.
"Text me when you know." Ohno said, holding the door open as Ninomiya hurried to escape. "Good night!"
+++
“How are you feeling?” She asked.
Jun turned his head to face her, but she was still staring straight up at the ceiling. Her bottom lip was noticeably red from being chewed on while she waited for his reaction. Jun had been waiting for his reaction too, but none had really come -at least, nothing dramatic like he’d been expecting.
He shifted himself closer to her until they were lying shoulder to shoulder on the studio floor. “Comfortable.” He answered with a pleased hum. His hand found hers and tangled their fingers together between them.
She looked at him with a frown. “Are you in shock?”
“No.” He answered with a laugh. “Though I am surprised, of course. Weren’t you?”
“Well, yes… but I didn’t have any interest in Ninomiya.”
“Fair enough.” Jun looked back up while he considered. The headlights of passing cars on the street below left bands of light and shadow shifting on the ceiling. “I guess I’m also a little glad.”
“Glad?”
“That he rejected me, rather than letting me continue to chase after him without knowing what I was really getting into.” He chuckled wryly. “Would have been doubly shocking to find out the truth if I was still following Ninomiya around like a lovesick fool.”
She squeezed his hand a little. “Is it okay that I told you?”
Jun raised his eyebrows. “Of course. In fact, I owe you.” He raised himself up on his elbow and shifted a fraction closer. In this position it wasn’t difficult for him to lower his face to meet hers. Her eyes widened as she realized this, and he smiled before pressing a lingering kiss on her cheek. “Thank you, Mao-chan.” He murmured, pulling away to sit up fully.
To his surprise, she followed him up after no more than a second’s hesitation. Her arms wrapped around his neck and pulled him to her in a tight embrace. He didn’t have to think before returning the hug. He pulled her even closer and she sighed into his neck. They sat there for a long minute, wrapped together on the floor as close to each other as they could possibly be. Mao was warm; her body was lithe and muscular, but soft and pliant all at the same time. Her fingers played with the hair at his nape, each feather-light scratch of her nails on his skin made him shiver and tighten his hold around her.
“You’re welcome, Jun.” She breathed, sounding sleepy and utterly content.
He couldn’t stand the proximity any longer, so he got to his feet and pulled her with him. Her eyes were heavy-lidded but bright. The headlights of a passing car lit her in a white, otherworldly glow, in stark contrast to the dark hair falling in silky waves past her face. Jun’s hand gravitated to her hair, brushing it back behind her ear, and his own words about taking it slow were momentarily forgotten. There was no way he could convey in words how achingly beautiful she was, or how lucky he felt just to be there with her, so he kissed her instead.
It was short, and delicate. Mao made a soft, surprised noise and her hands hovered above his shoulders as though she wasn’t sure what to do with them. This uncertain girl was such a departure from the one who had so recklessly pursued him before that Jun’s heart throbbed at the contrast. In that moment, he could have kicked himself for not falling madly in love with her at first sight.
+++
“You’d better make it back here for class on Thursday. We’re running out of time to rehearse together before the competition- and need I remind you who’s idea it was to enter the competition in the first place?”
“Yes, yes. I’ll be there. To be honest I’m not really needed at home right now anyway. I just needed to get away for a little while.” Aiba sighed. “Chubby is so much better behaved now, Sakurai-kun won’t miss me.”
“I disagree. If he likes you he’ll probably be missing you a lot.”
“I mean he doesn’t need me there to mind Chubby anymore.” Aiba grumbled. “And he never said he liked me. I’m starting to think I misunderstood everything… He hasn’t said anything at all.”
“You should talk to him, Masaki. You won’t know unless you do.”
Aiba didn’t appear to be listening. “Chubby hasn’t actually needed a dog-sitter for a while now. He never causes any trouble when I’m away… God, I shouldn’t even be working for him anymore.” The pout was audible in his voice. “I should probably find a new job.”
“Talk. To. Him.” Nino repeated forcefully. “If you want things to work out you need to stop avoiding him.”
“I know…” Aiba sighed, but didn’t say whether he would or not. “What time should I be back on Thursday?”
Nino raised an eyebrow, though obviously Aiba wouldn’t see it through the phone. “Class starts at seven-thirty. Has it really been so long that you’ve forgotten?”
“No, I meant do you want me to come early so I can help get you all prettied up?”
“Oh.” Nino hesitated. “No… I don’t think I’m going to put much effort in from now on. It’s not really worth it.”
“What do you mean? You look great!”
“But what’s the point?” He griped. “It’s not like I’m trying to seduce anyone. It’s better if nobody pays any attention to how I look.”
There was a short pause before Aiba spoke, and Nino cursed Aiba’s perceptive abilities. “Did something happen with Ohno-san?”
“No.” Nino sighed. “It might all be in my head, but… it feels like something’s changed about the way he looks at me. And he called me cute.”
“Well, that doesn’t necessarily mean anything. You are cute, after all. It’s only the truth.” He chuckled. “I have to go, but try not to worry too much, okay? I’ll see you Thursday!”
Nino spent a very long time laying on his back and staring at the ceiling, trying to heed Aiba’s advice and failing. The memory of Ohno’s eyes raking over him from across the room kept him on edge and unable to sleep. He was struck with conflicting emotions. On the one hand his heart raced and skin tingled as if he’d actually been touched everywhere Ohno’s eyes had lingered. There was no denying that Ohno was attractive, and not just in his appearance. He had an easy-going way about him, not to mention a number of surprising talents.
On the other hand, Ohno only knew him as a woman. The fallout with Matsumoto Jun had been bad enough, but Nino was actually starting to consider Ohno a friend, and it left him in a cold sweat with guilt just thinking about how hurt Ohno would be when he realized the truth. It was bad enough to deceive him when they were just friends, but if Ohno developed feelings for Kazuko? Nino couldn’t bear the thought.
+++
“He’s got to be avoiding me.” Sho mused, lying facedown on Ohno’s couch.
“Mm, yes.” Ohno murmured, distracted. He was sat on one of the stools at the kitchen island, focus almost entirely fixed on his laptop.
Sho looked up at him, and then struggled to a seated position. “You think so too?”
“What?” Ohno blinked at him through his reading glasses. “Oh, yeah. Ninomiya actually told me.”
Sho groaned and ran a hand over his face. “I blame you for awakening me to all these darn feelings.” He grumbled.
“Honored.” Ohno mumbled, lost again in whatever website he was browsing.
Sho sighed and got to his feet, coming around to slouch on the stool next to him. “What are you working on?”
“Looking at job listings.”
Sho straightened immediately, eyebrows shooting up. “You’re leaving ShunTaro?”
Ohno shrugged. “It’s just a thought.” He minimized the screen and took off his glasses. “I’m considering my options.”
Sho nodded, watching curiously as Ohno stood and stretched. “What prompted this?”
Ohno shrugged. “I’m tired of just existing day to day. I want to do something I care about… So maybe it’s time to be brave and make a change.” They were both silent for a long moment, lost in thought, before Ohno suddenly changed the subject. “Hey, why don’t you come watch the class tomorrow? Aiba will be there.”
“…Maybe.” Sho murmured. Ohno’s words about being brave were still stuck in his mind. “I might have something else I need to do...”
+++
It had been a very long day. He’d had nothing to eat but a protein bar from a vending machine back around noon, but he found he didn’t have any appetite even after spending the last hour helping in the kitchen. As they closed up for the night he’d served himself some leftovers anyway, but the buzzing of an incoming call distracted him from actually eating any of it.
Aiba balanced the bowl of mabo tofu between his knees in order to wrestle his phone out of his pocket. Steam rose from the bowl into the cool December air, though at least crouched in the alley behind his house he was sheltered from the wind. The cold was a welcome change from the sweltering heat of the restaurant kitchen, or the sterile hospital air he’d been breathing all afternoon.
His phone was still vibrating despite how long it had taken him to get it out. Aiba turned it over in his palm, considering. This was the first time Sakurai had tried calling since the weekend. Perhaps he’d gotten tired of his texts going unanswered.
Truly, Aiba still wasn’t sure what he wanted to say to Sakurai, but the urge to talk to somebody made him hit the talk button before he could change his mind.
“Hello.”
“Ah! You answered!” Sakurai sounded equal parts pleased and flustered. “I was about to give up.”
“Sorry… My hands were full.”
“Right. Sorry, you must be busy…” Sakurai hesitated. “Do you know when you’ll be back?”
“I’ll be in Tokyo tomorrow night, for class, but…” He trailed off, poking his food around the bowl aimlessly. It was growing cold fast. “Listen, Sakurai-san, I’m really grateful for all you’ve done for me, but I think I need to quit.”
“You really don’t…” His voice was faint, and Aiba couldn’t help grimacing.
“You’ll be fine. Chubby’s been doing great! You really don’t need me to keep an eye on him anymore. I’d feel guilty for accepting payment from you when I’m not even needed.”
“Is this because of- of me? I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable-“
“Chemotherapy.” Aiba interrupted. “My mother’s been admitted to hospital for chemotherapy treatment for the next few weeks.”
“I-Oh…” Sakurai sounded like he’d had the wind knocked out of him.
Aiba nodded, though of course Sakurai wouldn’t see. “I want to be here for her, and the rest of my family, as much as possible.”
Sakurai was quiet for a moment. “Is it cancer?”
“At this point they don’t think so. The doctor called it ‘Zollinger-Ellison Syndrome’.” The words still felt strange in his mouth. “They think that’s what it is, but they said it’s a difficult thing to diagnose for sure. The symptoms look a lot like a bunch of other things, apparently.” He set the cold bowl of mabo tofu aside and pulled his knees closer to his chest. There was the distinct sound of keys clicking from Sakurai’s end of the line. “Are you looking it up online?”
“Ah,” Sakurai sounded slightly embarrassed. Aiba couldn’t help smiling. “Yes… 'peptic ulcers caused by a gastrin-secreting tumor'.” He mumbled, reading aloud. “But it says it’s curable. That’s good news.”
“Yeah. The tumor is on her gall bladder, which is apparently quite unusual. They said that’s another reason it took a while to diagnose properly.” He sighed a little, ruffling his hair with his free hand. “The chemotherapy’s going to be really unpleasant for her, but it’ll keep the growth manageable until she can have it surgically removed. They can’t fit her in for surgery ‘til mid January though.”
“You must be able to breath a little easier now though, knowing she’ll be alright. She’s not even my mom but I’m super relieved.” Sho laughed quietly.
Aiba smiled. “Yeah, there’s an end in sight now. I can’t wait until this is all in the past.”
“Aiba-kun,” Sakurai hesitated. Just the use of the more familiar suffix was enough to make Aiba’s heart leap. “I really care about you, and you’ve become a really important friend to me…” He trailed off a little, but when he continued his voice was stronger. “I just need you to know that if you need anything at all, you can come to me, okay? Let me know if there’s anything I can do, or if you just need someone to talk to.”
“Thank you.” Aiba was surprised to feel a lump suddenly in his throat. “You’ve already been such a good friend to me, Sho-kun.”
“It would make me really happy to support you, Aiba-kun. However I can.”
“Sho-chan.” He sniffed a little, hoping the sound wouldn’t carry through the phone. “I’d hug you right now if I could.”
Sho responded without missing a beat. “If I leave right now I can be there in under two hours.”
Aiba laughed outright. “It’s okay.” He had to hide his grin in his knees. “Just talking to you again is nice.”
“Yeah.” Sho’s voice was soft, but his smile was audible. “It is.”
>>Continued in part 16.2<<