Lyrics of the day...and a Rant for the day
I know the tears you're crying in your bed at night alone
I've cried those tears a thousand times
But those shallow empty songs about suicide are
patronizing
You've got to learn to face your fears
Or do you think I'll be less lonely when I'm dead
It can't silence all the voices in my head
I close my eyes but I can't make it go away
Do you think I'll be less lonely
God I pray that I'm not lonely
When I'm dead
When I'm dead
When I'm dead
When I'm dead I won't feel any pain
And when I'm dead I won't feel anything
When I'm dead
When I'm dead
When I'm dead
When I'm dead
I know the songs you're singing, saying nothing loud and
clear
I've heard that song a thousand times
But your shallow empty lies about suicide are patronizing
You can never understand what I feel
Or do you think I'll be less lonely when I'm dead
It can't silence all the voices in my head
I close my eyes but I can't make it go away
Do you think I'll be less lonely
God I pray that I'm not lonely
When I'm dead
When I'm dead
When I'm dead
When I'm dead
Well, since no one replied... Like I thought...I'm just going to assume you don't care, and move on.
-_-<^>
Now, to clarify something that's obviously bothered a reader of my journal. I will explain something to anyone who feels they need to read my posts.
I do not like people. That's all there is to it, folk. I just don't like large groups of people. Concerts piss me off, and so do most conventions. Large groups of people tend not to think rationally, which brings on loads of problems no matter how you look at it.
I'm not the happy go-lucky guy that everyone has met and loves (or hates…depending on who you are). I, unlike some people in this world, do not deny that I "wear a mask" when I'm around other people. It's for the benefit of others, as well as myself. I could care less what people think of me, but I don't want to offend anyone, as that would be rude and I am a polite person.
I use the same played out lines every time that I talk to someone. You'd be surprised at how often they work… It's a lot faster to name the times that they don't, which has been with about two people in the last five years that I've been practicing this "trade".
I'm a comfort whore. That's right, folks, Tony's a comfort whore. It's my job, the way I see it, to make sure that everyone is ok. I'm a caregiver by nature. I'm the one that you run to with your problems about a boyfriend, or girlfriend, as the case my be. I'm the shoulder to cry on, and I never bother to ask questions.
I'm affectionate. Yes, I love to "cuddle" as the case may be. Sue me for wanting to be close every now and then… I've never had a problem with it in the past, and if anyone was ever bothered by it…I quit. Simple as that, all one needs to do is mention it to me and it's done with. Doesn't take rocket science, folks.
I am a writer. More than anything I am a writer. I put all emotion I have into a pen and a write it all down on a piece of paper. Or type everything on a document screen, like I'm doing now. I do not claim to be anything else. When asked about what I do in my spare time I always reply, "I write." It's that simple.
I don't like to be open about anything. This goes back to me hating people. When someone finds out something about you that they see as a weakness, they'll exploit it. I've had too many bad experiences "opening up" to people, that I'd rather just not tell anyone anything that I don't feel they need to know. If someone doesn't like that, too damn bad! I reserve the right, as a mortal being, not to tell you anything that I don't want you to know. You're not interrogating me for a crime, so sod off!
When I say, "I feel used" in any form, shape, or fashion, I mean, "I feel hurt". It's a simple form of analogy. You can link the two together with one step. When someone uses you for something, you usually feel hurt by it. I will never directly say "I feel that (insert name here) has used me." I'm not like that, and anyone that pays any fucking attention to me knows that!
Unless I fight for it, I don't care about it. That's simple enough. With the exception of one thing, that is true for everything. If I don't' make an effort to do something about what is happening, then I don't really care. That's why most relationships I've been in, with the exception of one, I just let them fly away…like locusts…or flies…or something.
I don't need anyone! Don't flatter yourself, people, I get along fine without you. Sure, it's nice to have someone near you at times…and it's comforting to hear those three little words that rule our lives…but no one needs them! I have done fine this long, and I will continue to do fine.
My favorite band is Stabbing Westward. Thanks for trying, folks.
Deep down inside, I'm an asshole. That's right! Tony isn't a nice person. I can be a real dick when I want to be. Just piss me off, and you'll find out how unkind I can be. See, that's the thing…people think that they can make me mad…but, nothing bothers me anymore. It takes a lot to piss me off. Not much can anymore…. I guess it comes from being cold and numb to the world.
Now, that I've begun to sound like a cheesy little emo kid, I'm going to finish up.
My life is my life. The way I live my life is the way I chose to live it. If you don't like something about me, too bad! You don't have to have anything to do with me. That's why I don't keep in contact with "friends" from years past. They don't care enough to make the effort to contact me, then they don't want anything to do with me. That simple, folks, and I respect that. You don't like someone, don't force yourself to be around them. You're only doing yourself harm.
--Anthony--