To The Ends of the World
To the most bitter person that I have ever met. I was always worried about becoming like him. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that I'd become more and more like you. Bitter. Unable to enjoy a thing. Your very presence saps the life out of me. You make it so hard to enjoy life. The sins of the mother. I hope that every fist you threw at me, every bloody nose that you gave to me, and every insult that you tossed in my direction will continuously beat you back down into the hole you've dug for yourself. You will be left alone, to die alone. Do you think anyone will care? Look back at how you've lived your life. Look back at how you've treated others. If you want love, you treat others with love. If you want respect, you treat others with respect. It's a shame you do things that are so detrimental to your own being. This is not to say that I do not feel bad for you, quite the opposite, but logic has no time for emotions. You did this to yourself, in more ways then one. To assume that I will take care of you for the rest of your life, is absurd. You are not my father. You were never a father figure to me. Even when I was three and a half, I hated you. I knew what you were and what you had to offer. Which is to say, you were just a man who was fucking my mother and had nothing to offer. You were a jerkoff then. Nothing has changed.
To the man who fathered me. It's hard to believe that a man who lacked a heart was able to die due to complications of the heart. By complications of the heart, I mean a drug induced death. I hope it was painful. I'm not kidding anyone when I say that I hope it was painful. You and I both know how painful it was. It was painful growing up knowing that I was what you could not live with. Why not try coming to me when you have love to share instead of the pain. I don't want to bear your physical pain when I had to bear the emotional pain that you left me to grow up with. So you were never ready to be a father. So you could never come to grips with it. It's a shame that a man who was twenty-seven was more immature than a fifteen year old. I don't fault you for any of this. Quite the opposite. I thank you. Thank you for showing me what I would never want to be. Because of you, I know what I want out of my life. Because of you, I will cherish my children so much more. Because of you, I don't enjoy random sex, drinking, or drugs. You were a great man. How you could let your life rot you inside out and become what killed you, I do not know. My whole life, all I wanted was to hear from you. It's a shame that I have to hear from you this way. In the end, I just want to say, I forgive you. You were the best-worst part of my life that never was.
To my friends, I love you all. I doubt I need to say that. You guys know that I would do anything for you. I would do anything for the world. I'd hate to leave you guys, but you and I both know that this is for the best. I'll miss the times that we shared together. I might not remember every random conversation that we had. But rest assured, I'll remember the most important parts. In some way, shape, or form, you have inspired me.
To the people that I thought were my friends and to the people who were cruel to me, I thank you. For allowing me to take a chance to be the best person I could be. It's a shame you guys were either self-absorbed, self-centered, or just completely useless. To actually think that I used to be intimidated by people like you. To actually think that I thought that your opinions meant something. I wish you all the best. Even if you do end up getting hit by a dumptruck.
To the random people that I've met throughout my life but never saw again, I will remember all of you. Somehow, you've all changed my life or helped me in some aspect of my life. I still remember you guys. The people I've met at Doctor's offices, the random people I've gone on walks with, the random people that I've ate with... Somehow, you've made an impact on my life. Whether or not I've made one on yours it doesn't matter. I wish you all the best as well.
To the people that I will never meet, it makes me sad. Although, if I could, I would meet you. I wish nothing more than the best for you all. May life offer you nothing less than the best.
I know, that one day I may disappear, and never return. I would like you all to know what is wrote here.
Rest assured. I will be back. You will hear from me again. It may not be soon. But you will.
To the man who fathered me. It's hard to believe that a man who lacked a heart was able to die due to complications of the heart. By complications of the heart, I mean a drug induced death. I hope it was painful. I'm not kidding anyone when I say that I hope it was painful. You and I both know how painful it was. It was painful growing up knowing that I was what you could not live with. Why not try coming to me when you have love to share instead of the pain. I don't want to bear your physical pain when I had to bear the emotional pain that you left me to grow up with. So you were never ready to be a father. So you could never come to grips with it. It's a shame that a man who was twenty-seven was more immature than a fifteen year old. I don't fault you for any of this. Quite the opposite. I thank you. Thank you for showing me what I would never want to be. Because of you, I know what I want out of my life. Because of you, I will cherish my children so much more. Because of you, I don't enjoy random sex, drinking, or drugs. You were a great man. How you could let your life rot you inside out and become what killed you, I do not know. My whole life, all I wanted was to hear from you. It's a shame that I have to hear from you this way. In the end, I just want to say, I forgive you. You were the best-worst part of my life that never was.
To my friends, I love you all. I doubt I need to say that. You guys know that I would do anything for you. I would do anything for the world. I'd hate to leave you guys, but you and I both know that this is for the best. I'll miss the times that we shared together. I might not remember every random conversation that we had. But rest assured, I'll remember the most important parts. In some way, shape, or form, you have inspired me.
To the people that I thought were my friends and to the people who were cruel to me, I thank you. For allowing me to take a chance to be the best person I could be. It's a shame you guys were either self-absorbed, self-centered, or just completely useless. To actually think that I used to be intimidated by people like you. To actually think that I thought that your opinions meant something. I wish you all the best. Even if you do end up getting hit by a dumptruck.
To the random people that I've met throughout my life but never saw again, I will remember all of you. Somehow, you've all changed my life or helped me in some aspect of my life. I still remember you guys. The people I've met at Doctor's offices, the random people I've gone on walks with, the random people that I've ate with... Somehow, you've made an impact on my life. Whether or not I've made one on yours it doesn't matter. I wish you all the best as well.
To the people that I will never meet, it makes me sad. Although, if I could, I would meet you. I wish nothing more than the best for you all. May life offer you nothing less than the best.
I know, that one day I may disappear, and never return. I would like you all to know what is wrote here.
Rest assured. I will be back. You will hear from me again. It may not be soon. But you will.