All at Once
All at once I finally took a moment and I’m realizing that you’re not coming back. And it’s finally hit me all at once. All at once I’ve started counting teardrops and at least a million fell. My eyes began to swell and all my dreams were shattered all at once.
Ianto was down in the archives hiding out once again. It was the one place he could go and be left alone. His shoulders began to shake and a choked sound escaped from him as he slowly slipped down to the floor wrapping his arms around his knees hugging them to his chest. “Oh God I can’t live like this.” He began sobbing which lately was a permanent state when he was alone. How was he supposed to keep going when his world was shattered?
Ever since I met you, you’re the only love I’ve known and I can’t forget you, though I must face it all alone.
He reached into his pocket and pulled out the Recon holding in his hand as the memories began to play through is mind.
All at once I’m drifting on a lonely sea wishing you’d come back to me and that’s all that matters now. All at once I’m drifting on a lonely sea holding on to memories and its hurt me more than you know so much more than it shows all at once.
He’d been holding onto the pill for a month now unsure if he could actually go through with losing all those memories no matter how much it hurt to remember. It wasn’t just those special memories of their time together, it would be everything, is whole time at Torchwood. Ianto again wishing that Jack would come back. He shook his head to clear it, wiped his face, and proceeded to pull himself together. He stood straightened his waistcoat and tie smoothed his hair and began putting the mask he had perfected while hiding Lisa on so no one would know the pain he was in. When he was sure that he wouldn’t break down again he made is way back upstairs to prepare everyone’s afternoon coffee.
I looked around and found that you were with another love. In someone else’s arms and all my dreams were shattered all at once. All at once the smile that used to greet me brightened someone else’s day, she took your smile away and left me with just memories all at once.
Ianto was in the kitchen when he heard it, the voice that still made him shiver. He looked around and found them. Down by the computers was Jack with his arms around Gwen giving her that special smile just before leaning in and kissing her and another piece of Ianto died.
Ever since I met you, you’re the only love I’ve known and I can’t forget you, though I must face it all alone.
Ianto had always known that given half a chance that Jack would leave him for Gwen. His nightmare came true a month ago when Jack had come back from being gone those 3 months to find Gwen engaged. She had told him she had accepted Rhys because no one else would have her. He told her, he had come back for her and pulled her to him kissing her. Ianto knew all this not because they had told him but because had watched the CCTV video from the holding cells. They had both come back upstairs acting strange so after everything with John had settled down Ianto took a look at the tapes and discovered the awful truth.
All at once I’m drifting on a lonely sea wishing you’d come back to me and that’s all that matters now. All at once I’m drifting on a lonely sea holding on to memories and its hurt me more than you know so much more than it shows all at once.
Jack was back in his office when Ianto gave him his coffee, he turned to leave but Jack grabbed him by his wrist. "Ianto is there something wrong you haven't been yourself lately." The one thing Ianto knew inside and out was Jack he knew this was coming. "Actually Jack there's something I want to tell you." He reached into his pocket and pulled out the Recon showing it to Jack. "Wh- What are you doing with that." Ianto put the pill in his mouth and swallowed. Jack jumped up with a shout "What the hell did you do that for?" Ianto did say anything he just stood looking at Jack making one last descion, he leaned over kissing Jack with all the love he had for him startled Jack froze for a moment and then started kissing him back. Ianto pulled away "Jack I love you and I will love you for the rest of my life but I can't stay here and watch you with her." Jack started to interrupt, Ianto put his hand to his lips. "No Jack it doesn't matter I've taken the Recon and in a little while I won't remember anything I will go back to a normal life and in a few years you will forget about me." Jack stumbled and slumped into his chair. "I put a sleeping pill in your coffee cause I knew you try to stop me." Jack just looked up at him "Don't go" Ianto leaned down and kissed him one last time Jack put his head down on the desk and fell asleep. Ianto stood stroking Jack's hair "Goodbye Jack" Ianto turned to leave as he was walking away he reached into his mouth and pulled out the pill putting it back into his pocket. He may not havehim anymore but he'd be damned if he gave up those memories he just need Jack to believe he had taken it. Ianto left out of the tourist never looking back, if there was one thing he learned from Torchwood it was how to disappear.
The next day Jack jolted awake screaming "IANTO!" Oh God what did I do.