Disappointed with myself
Probably I should not be, because I am actually making a good effort to be on a routine, productive, motivated, and what have you. I am so frustrated when it does not happen though. To be fair I have accomplished a fair bit lately, but only portions of each thing, and never on time. I keep needing to take breaks.
Every so often I wonder if I have a head problem rather than, or more than, an otherwise physical issue. I asked my doctor about it, but she was not going for it, so maybe not? I even asked to try Cymbalta(sp?) since it can be effective with the dysautonomia stuff (although I always *wondered* why exactly!) It is a no go, but for me to even ask was telling, because I am very, Very nervous about such meds. It always seems that medications affects me a lot, and I have tried Lyrica and some others for example with terrible results quickly. Anyway, I just want to do a normal life and thought it an idea.
So, Yesterday and today I did some things, but I had to rest very often. Funny how little it can be fought... though as soon as I get back to things I berate myself for taking that time.
Maybe one day I will "accept" this? Until then I am hating life.
Sorry for the negativity. Surely you do not want to read this. I do tend to read other people's similar posts though, at least if I am around.
Dima has the car to drive to work these days, and so I am never doing groceries or any other errands. I'd love to use my bike, but I cannot since I think it means that I'll be even less useful then. I don't know what to do for supper tomorrow if I do not go, however. Also I need to go in the other direction to the PO, but the hills :( If I walk there what will we eat? (The groceries are in another direction entirely.) I really don't mean to complain.
Tonight Dima was very nasty because I asked him not to place a few dirty glasses into the sink unless he would wash them. It is because he has hoarded them at his desk, and I did not want the additional task of washing in the morning if he put them there. I was very nice about the request, but it triggered his stress, and woah! *whimpers*
I am so sick of spending a good part of any useful, energised moments to clean. Little things go such a long way. I don't say much, but he rarely puts away his shoes (a few pair,) wipes the toilet or sink, rinses the shower, wipes anything, takes a week or more to put away his clean laundry... Those and other various things add up so much, but since I don't work I should deal with it. Still, when I have to really scrub the bathroom thanks to buildup, or do a deep clean for a day or two after I return from Upstate, well that is annoying since I prefer to prevent and spend less time.
I am venting, eh?
I just did not like how nasty he was about it. I was nice and all, and in the middle of sewing rather than sitting about.
He works so much and enjoys so little if any free time. I know it. I just feel so overwhelmed trying to keep up as it is... I think I am almost depressed, and I cannot handle much more than I do now. I just want to do it all!
Every so often I wonder if I have a head problem rather than, or more than, an otherwise physical issue. I asked my doctor about it, but she was not going for it, so maybe not? I even asked to try Cymbalta(sp?) since it can be effective with the dysautonomia stuff (although I always *wondered* why exactly!) It is a no go, but for me to even ask was telling, because I am very, Very nervous about such meds. It always seems that medications affects me a lot, and I have tried Lyrica and some others for example with terrible results quickly. Anyway, I just want to do a normal life and thought it an idea.
So, Yesterday and today I did some things, but I had to rest very often. Funny how little it can be fought... though as soon as I get back to things I berate myself for taking that time.
Maybe one day I will "accept" this? Until then I am hating life.
Sorry for the negativity. Surely you do not want to read this. I do tend to read other people's similar posts though, at least if I am around.
Dima has the car to drive to work these days, and so I am never doing groceries or any other errands. I'd love to use my bike, but I cannot since I think it means that I'll be even less useful then. I don't know what to do for supper tomorrow if I do not go, however. Also I need to go in the other direction to the PO, but the hills :( If I walk there what will we eat? (The groceries are in another direction entirely.) I really don't mean to complain.
Tonight Dima was very nasty because I asked him not to place a few dirty glasses into the sink unless he would wash them. It is because he has hoarded them at his desk, and I did not want the additional task of washing in the morning if he put them there. I was very nice about the request, but it triggered his stress, and woah! *whimpers*
I am so sick of spending a good part of any useful, energised moments to clean. Little things go such a long way. I don't say much, but he rarely puts away his shoes (a few pair,) wipes the toilet or sink, rinses the shower, wipes anything, takes a week or more to put away his clean laundry... Those and other various things add up so much, but since I don't work I should deal with it. Still, when I have to really scrub the bathroom thanks to buildup, or do a deep clean for a day or two after I return from Upstate, well that is annoying since I prefer to prevent and spend less time.
I am venting, eh?
I just did not like how nasty he was about it. I was nice and all, and in the middle of sewing rather than sitting about.
He works so much and enjoys so little if any free time. I know it. I just feel so overwhelmed trying to keep up as it is... I think I am almost depressed, and I cannot handle much more than I do now. I just want to do it all!