Surely all miracles aren't accidents!
Just when you think you know how you feel, everything changes. Isn't that crazy? I think that's why I'm so "emotional", because life gives me no time to stay on one feeling. Everything jambles up. Everything is so persuasive, so suggestive, to the clicks in my head. I started talking about this to Jordan today. Well sort of. I was rambling about something that was kind of upsetting, on how I was kind of upset, and he just said, Cassie there's no reason to worry! And I said, Of course! Thanks! Ah, so dependent on people! That's what it was. Anyway, point is, feelings keep changing. Days are long and days are lasting but my feelings are constant (ly changing).
How did this post start? Oh yes, everything changing. So I've gotten into this funk where whenever my parents put more restrictions on me I feel awful and rebellious. It's like I need to show them how good I am, how innocent I truly am, by doing something dreadful or against the law. Like last night. They spoke of a shorter curfew and I went to bed feeling drained. I felt like I might as well start drinking or smoking or fucking around. It's not the curfew that pisses me off though. I'm not a crazy teenage bitch, it's the thought behind it. The lack of trust.
I see so many facefucks getting away with shit. Why can't I get away from assumed guilt?
Anyway, so tonight I was feeling frisky, restless, and ready to just go. Just do whatever the hell I want. (My grandfather even suggested I do more rebellious things). So my night started with Hillary, Whitney, Drew, and John. Thank god, they gave me just what I needed, and more. Tonight I lied, sneaked around, pulled pranks, walked in dark woods, got into an accident, broke minor laws, and just didn't give a fuck about what was coming next. I really don't mean for this to sound badass, it really wasn't. I'm not pumping up my "OH MY GOLLY WHAT AN AWESOME REBEL". It wasn't really that at all. But it was a change. And it felt good. It felt that finally there was a "getting even" with all this curfew shit. I figure if they put on the restrictions, I might as well give them a reason to.
Now, now, now. There's no reason to worry about "baby" Cassie becoming a freaky delinquent. I know that I'm just in some kind of restless funk that's been teasing me all summer. I'm not saying that every night needs to be a challenge to one-up the night before. I'm just saying that there's so many things people can do to live there lives, and I'm learning to extend it. I'm getting a better grasp on what people need. I'm learning that I need to mix it up sometimes or else I'll go nuts. I love new things. I love staying satisfied. I'm learning to what extents I can extend.
I'm making too big of a deal about this. I'll tell you what's really going on right now.
Confidence. I'm gaining more confidence.
A good friend told me something the other day that I never really realized. I'm so mixed-up. They explained how I'm unsure about everything. It takes so much of me to make a solid decision about what to do or what I am. Confidence is showing a new option to me though, it's showing that I don't always need to know. It shows that I can be more free about things and then nothing can be pinned against anything else.
Ahh, confidence. What a confusing concept. Not enough and you're weak. Too much and you're a jerk.
Well I've got something bold to do that I promised to do this week. And I'm going to use that newly found confidence to get it done.
It's just a task.
Nothing risky. Just a task.
How did this post start? Oh yes, everything changing. So I've gotten into this funk where whenever my parents put more restrictions on me I feel awful and rebellious. It's like I need to show them how good I am, how innocent I truly am, by doing something dreadful or against the law. Like last night. They spoke of a shorter curfew and I went to bed feeling drained. I felt like I might as well start drinking or smoking or fucking around. It's not the curfew that pisses me off though. I'm not a crazy teenage bitch, it's the thought behind it. The lack of trust.
I see so many facefucks getting away with shit. Why can't I get away from assumed guilt?
Anyway, so tonight I was feeling frisky, restless, and ready to just go. Just do whatever the hell I want. (My grandfather even suggested I do more rebellious things). So my night started with Hillary, Whitney, Drew, and John. Thank god, they gave me just what I needed, and more. Tonight I lied, sneaked around, pulled pranks, walked in dark woods, got into an accident, broke minor laws, and just didn't give a fuck about what was coming next. I really don't mean for this to sound badass, it really wasn't. I'm not pumping up my "OH MY GOLLY WHAT AN AWESOME REBEL". It wasn't really that at all. But it was a change. And it felt good. It felt that finally there was a "getting even" with all this curfew shit. I figure if they put on the restrictions, I might as well give them a reason to.
Now, now, now. There's no reason to worry about "baby" Cassie becoming a freaky delinquent. I know that I'm just in some kind of restless funk that's been teasing me all summer. I'm not saying that every night needs to be a challenge to one-up the night before. I'm just saying that there's so many things people can do to live there lives, and I'm learning to extend it. I'm getting a better grasp on what people need. I'm learning that I need to mix it up sometimes or else I'll go nuts. I love new things. I love staying satisfied. I'm learning to what extents I can extend.
I'm making too big of a deal about this. I'll tell you what's really going on right now.
Confidence. I'm gaining more confidence.
A good friend told me something the other day that I never really realized. I'm so mixed-up. They explained how I'm unsure about everything. It takes so much of me to make a solid decision about what to do or what I am. Confidence is showing a new option to me though, it's showing that I don't always need to know. It shows that I can be more free about things and then nothing can be pinned against anything else.
Ahh, confidence. What a confusing concept. Not enough and you're weak. Too much and you're a jerk.
Well I've got something bold to do that I promised to do this week. And I'm going to use that newly found confidence to get it done.
It's just a task.
Nothing risky. Just a task.