a season of death.....
First of all I've been awake for the better part of 24 hours... so take this all for what you will.
Death is every where I look as of late.
I know we are all of mortal stuff and must soon move on to whatever comes next, but as of late I see the shadow of death touching so many.
I recently got an e-mail telling me that a woman I had known had passed away from an infection, her name was Kay. I knew her daughters in highschool and once when my parents kicked me out she let me stay at her house for a year. I tried to pay her rent and she wouldn't let me. I did what odd jobs I could around the house, she had MS and there was lots to do but she had so many people helping her and looking after her there was never much to do. I always felt that I owed her, at least if nothing else than to be the "good kid" that she thought I was. In the end I couldn't make it to the funeral because it was at ten in the morning and I was working that day, no real way to get off at 730 and run to the far burbs in any resonable amount of time. I feel pretty shitty about not going, I told that to her daughters on the phone. They said she would have understood, I don't know.
Today I went to my old job to get a refrence from old boss. I found out that one of my coworkers, some one who was a friend at work that I wanted as a friend outside of work, had died of AIDS. No one knew he was sick, he never told anyone. He just quit work at the last moment and then people found out about six months ago that he was dead. I've been trying to call his old number for months, till it got disconnected. He and I used to sit in my office and talk about history and things around work, lots of diffrent things. I knew he was gay but he never talked about it and never told anyone, he wasn't very out so I left it alone. He was smart, funny, and had the sort of laugh that was honest laughter. I had great fun with him and had wanted to know him outside work, but he had kept a sort of distance. I have missed him and now miss him all that much more.
Then as I type my father still slips away. I'm going out to see him again this weekend. Last time hedidn't know who I was. My mother tells me that he can't even get into a wheelchair now, he now needs full assistance.
I want to call Sara, but she is at school. I feel like I should do something, not to fight off death... but to say something to these people who slipped away. should I shout something from a roof top or is posting this enough? To say that I was touched by them and inspired by them?
I don't know. I need some sleep.
Death is every where I look as of late.
I know we are all of mortal stuff and must soon move on to whatever comes next, but as of late I see the shadow of death touching so many.
I recently got an e-mail telling me that a woman I had known had passed away from an infection, her name was Kay. I knew her daughters in highschool and once when my parents kicked me out she let me stay at her house for a year. I tried to pay her rent and she wouldn't let me. I did what odd jobs I could around the house, she had MS and there was lots to do but she had so many people helping her and looking after her there was never much to do. I always felt that I owed her, at least if nothing else than to be the "good kid" that she thought I was. In the end I couldn't make it to the funeral because it was at ten in the morning and I was working that day, no real way to get off at 730 and run to the far burbs in any resonable amount of time. I feel pretty shitty about not going, I told that to her daughters on the phone. They said she would have understood, I don't know.
Today I went to my old job to get a refrence from old boss. I found out that one of my coworkers, some one who was a friend at work that I wanted as a friend outside of work, had died of AIDS. No one knew he was sick, he never told anyone. He just quit work at the last moment and then people found out about six months ago that he was dead. I've been trying to call his old number for months, till it got disconnected. He and I used to sit in my office and talk about history and things around work, lots of diffrent things. I knew he was gay but he never talked about it and never told anyone, he wasn't very out so I left it alone. He was smart, funny, and had the sort of laugh that was honest laughter. I had great fun with him and had wanted to know him outside work, but he had kept a sort of distance. I have missed him and now miss him all that much more.
Then as I type my father still slips away. I'm going out to see him again this weekend. Last time hedidn't know who I was. My mother tells me that he can't even get into a wheelchair now, he now needs full assistance.
I want to call Sara, but she is at school. I feel like I should do something, not to fight off death... but to say something to these people who slipped away. should I shout something from a roof top or is posting this enough? To say that I was touched by them and inspired by them?
I don't know. I need some sleep.