Guilty Pleasures... Plus Damage Done In Middle School
Television shows:
Kathy Griffin "My Life on the D-List"
Best Week Ever
Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
America's Next Top Model
Spongebob Squarepants
Cartoon Network... all of it.
ALL of the Law and Order-s
reruns of Friends
Comedy Central Presents...
Adult Swim - except for the reeeeally crazy anime
Websites:
gerardbutler.net
homestarrunner.com
livejournal.com
nordstroms.com
thesims2.ea.com
ebay.com
amazon.com
borders.com
neopets.com
accuradio.com
starbucks.com
jigzone.com
jibjab.com
Magazines:
glamour
vogue
lucky
classical singer
Movies:
Dracula 2000
all of the Mel Brooks movies
Ever After
10 Things I Hate About You
Sleeping Beauty
Moulin Rouge
Guys and Dolls
Showboat
The Importance of Being Ernest
A.I.
My Big Fat Greek Wedding
Pride and Prejudice
Phantom of the Opera
Love Letter
The Bandwagon
Labyrinth
----
Have you ever looked in the mirror and realized that who you thought you were is completely wrong and that in fact you are your own antithesis??? It's frightening... Yeah, everyone around me is thinner, prettier, smarter, and has better fashion sense than I do. what does this mean to me? It means that, even though I like to think of myself as not that large, semi-pretty, above-average intellectually, and rather smartly dressed, I am in fact none of these. I fit better into the 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee with all the crazy kids who have screwed up lives but can spell damn well.
Let's start with the weight:
I weigh over 200 pounds!! That's not healthy at all, and I know it. I don't eat full meals, and I barely eat 3 times a day. Yet, here I am having just finished a pint of Ben and Jerry's with my friend (while watching Phantom), and I feel like a beached whale...side note: someone once called me that, and it sure did stick... I can't go shopping with my sister anymore, I'm that fat. I'm a size 16-18 on my bum/thighs, so I can't go to Old Navy/Gap/American Eagle.....nope I'm stuck going to the Plus area in Fred Meyer (which does have L.E.I. stuff) and Lane Bryant... do you have any idea how furiating it is to go to the mall, wearing my new shoes from Brass Plum, walk through the mall, and then cross into Lane Bryant?!?!?! GAH! and all of the smaller, skinnier people just watch me go, thinking, I'm sure, "God, she is a fat pig!! what does she do, sit AT the buffets, stuffing her face????" I don't go to buffets but no matter... God, I'm fat! The other kids were right to ignore me during middle-school - I am a no-hope, completely overweight BEACHED WHALE!!!
Looks:
Well, this all hinges on the fact that I am fat. I even have a double chin for goodness sakes! All of my friends have one chin - ONE! nope...I've got two, and they look even worse when I start singing...ugly.......... oo and makeup definetly (misspelled! HA) doesn't help me...it only brings out my pimples which won't go away no matter what I doooooooo! and then I hear my gorgeous, skinny, amazingly talented friends complain about themselves, during which I don't really pay attention to them, but end up comparing myself to them...if they are ugly, than what am I??? uber-fugly?! seriously... damn.
Mind:
I was damn proud of my SAT score of 1280. It's higher than my sister's, and that matters to me since she got into her first-choice school (Gonzaga). At the time I wanted to go to Whitman, which is an incredibly hard academic school with a semi-nice music program. Yeah, they rejected me sooooooo fast. Why??? Because I flunked out of CBC, that's why! I couldn't even maintain a 2.0 average at a community college my Junior year!! WTF?!?! yeah, my friend who just showed up and didn't do ANYTHING in class passed all of his....while I was busting my bum to try to keep up with homework, notes, and my competitions that year...you know, nationals was kind of important to me...just slightly though. Then senior year, I barely graduated!! God, I'm pathetic....and I used to do so well at school.....I mean I got straight A's second semester....except for College Composition (with Crass) but I practically killed myself to get the A's in War and Peace and Government (both with Mr. Wall!!!). Then everyone else in the class would complain about how EASY the classes were....and how they only had 3 classes that semester.... I had a full day (6 hours, only 2 of which were music-related). Lunch was sometimes down in the mixing area, but a lot of it (especially 4th quarter) was in the library, typing/researching...so not eating. and i would skip breakfast to sleep in a little more since I was often up late the night before, doing homework/practice.
Fashion Sense:
Yeah, I'm fat. Enough said there....why? There is no really good/GREAT not-too-expensive store for plus sizes...Catherine's is for old people and I'm too small for the clothing at Lane Bryant.... I even had huuuuuge feet (11-12). Pretty, feminine, high-heels don't come in 12s. They barely come in 11s......meh, I'm 5'something, average height, and I have these crazy clown feet to support my FAT!!!
*ahem* How I'm going to have a successful career in this world of physical beauty over vocal beauty is a complete mystery... I just hated the fact that, in Portland, I had to seem 100% confident, otherwise some of the more-catty girls would have picked up on that....and I had crushes then, so being self-despising while around a guy, trying to make him REALLY like you is kind of hard...
Final thought: DAMN!!
Kathy Griffin "My Life on the D-List"
Best Week Ever
Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
America's Next Top Model
Spongebob Squarepants
Cartoon Network... all of it.
ALL of the Law and Order-s
reruns of Friends
Comedy Central Presents...
Adult Swim - except for the reeeeally crazy anime
Websites:
gerardbutler.net
homestarrunner.com
livejournal.com
nordstroms.com
thesims2.ea.com
ebay.com
amazon.com
borders.com
neopets.com
accuradio.com
starbucks.com
jigzone.com
jibjab.com
Magazines:
glamour
vogue
lucky
classical singer
Movies:
Dracula 2000
all of the Mel Brooks movies
Ever After
10 Things I Hate About You
Sleeping Beauty
Moulin Rouge
Guys and Dolls
Showboat
The Importance of Being Ernest
A.I.
My Big Fat Greek Wedding
Pride and Prejudice
Phantom of the Opera
Love Letter
The Bandwagon
Labyrinth
----
Have you ever looked in the mirror and realized that who you thought you were is completely wrong and that in fact you are your own antithesis??? It's frightening... Yeah, everyone around me is thinner, prettier, smarter, and has better fashion sense than I do. what does this mean to me? It means that, even though I like to think of myself as not that large, semi-pretty, above-average intellectually, and rather smartly dressed, I am in fact none of these. I fit better into the 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee with all the crazy kids who have screwed up lives but can spell damn well.
Let's start with the weight:
I weigh over 200 pounds!! That's not healthy at all, and I know it. I don't eat full meals, and I barely eat 3 times a day. Yet, here I am having just finished a pint of Ben and Jerry's with my friend (while watching Phantom), and I feel like a beached whale...side note: someone once called me that, and it sure did stick... I can't go shopping with my sister anymore, I'm that fat. I'm a size 16-18 on my bum/thighs, so I can't go to Old Navy/Gap/American Eagle.....nope I'm stuck going to the Plus area in Fred Meyer (which does have L.E.I. stuff) and Lane Bryant... do you have any idea how furiating it is to go to the mall, wearing my new shoes from Brass Plum, walk through the mall, and then cross into Lane Bryant?!?!?! GAH! and all of the smaller, skinnier people just watch me go, thinking, I'm sure, "God, she is a fat pig!! what does she do, sit AT the buffets, stuffing her face????" I don't go to buffets but no matter... God, I'm fat! The other kids were right to ignore me during middle-school - I am a no-hope, completely overweight BEACHED WHALE!!!
Looks:
Well, this all hinges on the fact that I am fat. I even have a double chin for goodness sakes! All of my friends have one chin - ONE! nope...I've got two, and they look even worse when I start singing...ugly.......... oo and makeup definetly (misspelled! HA) doesn't help me...it only brings out my pimples which won't go away no matter what I doooooooo! and then I hear my gorgeous, skinny, amazingly talented friends complain about themselves, during which I don't really pay attention to them, but end up comparing myself to them...if they are ugly, than what am I??? uber-fugly?! seriously... damn.
Mind:
I was damn proud of my SAT score of 1280. It's higher than my sister's, and that matters to me since she got into her first-choice school (Gonzaga). At the time I wanted to go to Whitman, which is an incredibly hard academic school with a semi-nice music program. Yeah, they rejected me sooooooo fast. Why??? Because I flunked out of CBC, that's why! I couldn't even maintain a 2.0 average at a community college my Junior year!! WTF?!?! yeah, my friend who just showed up and didn't do ANYTHING in class passed all of his....while I was busting my bum to try to keep up with homework, notes, and my competitions that year...you know, nationals was kind of important to me...just slightly though. Then senior year, I barely graduated!! God, I'm pathetic....and I used to do so well at school.....I mean I got straight A's second semester....except for College Composition (with Crass) but I practically killed myself to get the A's in War and Peace and Government (both with Mr. Wall!!!). Then everyone else in the class would complain about how EASY the classes were....and how they only had 3 classes that semester.... I had a full day (6 hours, only 2 of which were music-related). Lunch was sometimes down in the mixing area, but a lot of it (especially 4th quarter) was in the library, typing/researching...so not eating. and i would skip breakfast to sleep in a little more since I was often up late the night before, doing homework/practice.
Fashion Sense:
Yeah, I'm fat. Enough said there....why? There is no really good/GREAT not-too-expensive store for plus sizes...Catherine's is for old people and I'm too small for the clothing at Lane Bryant.... I even had huuuuuge feet (11-12). Pretty, feminine, high-heels don't come in 12s. They barely come in 11s......meh, I'm 5'something, average height, and I have these crazy clown feet to support my FAT!!!
*ahem* How I'm going to have a successful career in this world of physical beauty over vocal beauty is a complete mystery... I just hated the fact that, in Portland, I had to seem 100% confident, otherwise some of the more-catty girls would have picked up on that....and I had crushes then, so being self-despising while around a guy, trying to make him REALLY like you is kind of hard...
Final thought: DAMN!!