My brain melted
OMG!! I'm still hyperventilating. My brain went into meltdown and it'll be days before I can revive the circuits. I'm surprised you didn't hear the squee in London.
I went to see Peter Jackson at the State theatre in Sydney last night. It was fantastic - a two hour interview with David Stratton (who hosts a movie review programme on TV). David only asked about 6 questions because Peter's "answers" turned into twenty-minute stories. All fascinating stuff, but that’s not why my brain is reeling.
HE SHOWED THE BLOOPER REEL... the legendary, almost mythical, LOTR blooper reel. It's never been shown in public before. It may not ever be again. But I saw it, or at least, some of it (it was cut into several blocks of about five to ten minutes each and we saw three of them).
I don't remember everything there was, of course, nor can I hope to write down all the dialogue - for most of the scenes the sound was pretty poor, and I missed lots because I was switching back and forth between maniacal laughter and shocked cataplexy, hands covering face. I'm sure I got half the words wrong.
What I do remember (not in any particular order):
Scene: Rohan, the room where the Fellowship are sleeping. Pippin gets up and tiptoes past Merry's bed, intent on the palantir. Suddenly he does a double-take and looks back at Merry, whose blankets are pushed up by an enormous erection at least two feet high. Pippin runs over to the bed, Merry lifts the covers and Pippin scrambles in. Much laughter and movement under the covers. Sound of balloon popping; erection subsides. Merry flings an arm over Pippin and says "Nighty-night."
Scene: Rohan, the Golden Hall. Aragorn is breaking the news to Theoden.
Theoden: "Orcs, you say?"
Aragorn: "Ten thousand strong. Plastic toys, from when they took you into a dark room and scanned you. Thousands of them, action toys, for children to play with..."
Scene: Helm's Deep, the door to the keep.
Theoden: "Barricade the door! They're Jehovah's Witnesses!"
Scene: Hobbiton, four hobbits on horses, about to re-enter the shire. Frodo's horse keeps going backwards.
Scene: Frodo looks soulfully into the camera... then puts on a pair of sunglasses and grins.
Scene: Bluescreen, four hobbits have just been told "You bow to no one." They look at each other, then pull out bottles of champagne and pop them, showering area and each other.
Scene: Bilbo's Party. Frodo watches the dancing with a gentle, wistful smile, then looks at camera, crosses eyes and makes a horrible face.
Scene: behind the scenes documentary. Camera approaches a trailer, climbs steps, opens door, goes in. Dom and Billy, in costume, are in one corner, breeches around their ankles (bums unfortunately covered by long shirts), comparing things.
Dom: "Yours seems to be slightly thinner, but longer."
Billy: "Yeah, but yours is... yeah, it is longer, isn't it?"
They notice camera and hurriedly start to pull up breeches and tuck shirts in.
Billy "We were just working on a... on a..."
Dom: "A thing with the hobbits, where...
Dom notices the blow-up doll on the bed and fumbles with it, then tries to hide it under the blankets. Much nonsense about what they were doing - practising scenes for "Dukes of Hazzard" "No, the Knights of Rohan."
Dom: "Pippin gets an infection"
Billy: "Aye, and there are no doctors, so it's all down to Merry."
Dom: "I'll look after him."
Pause.
Dom: "Can we start again from here?"
Scene: Arwen in front of green screen. Flubs elvish dialogue. Repeatedly.
Scene: Cirith Ungol.
Frodo: Go home, Sam, Go home"
Sam, crying, turns to go, trips over and falls against rock, taking with him large chunk of polystyrene.
Scene: Rohan, golden Hall. Merry and Pippin up on table, singing
M+P : You can keep your fancy ales
You can drink them by the flagon
but the only brew for the brave and true..."
Pippin: Comes, comes, comes comes....
M+P: Comes from the Green Dragon!
Pippin: I came a lot!
Scene: Minas Tirith,
Gandalf (to Pippin). "Guard of the citadel, indeed. Now, back up the hill, and quickly!"
Pippin runs up the stairs and off to the right.
Gandalf: "And don't come back to the set!".
Pippin reappears, looks comically scared, then runs off to the left.
Scene: Minas Tirith, Hall of the King:
Pippin walks slowly through the hall, directly towards the camera... and into the camera.
Scene: Minas Tirith, Coronation scene.
Gandalf holds crown above Aragorn's head, saying "Now are the days of the Queen."
Camera pans up to show Gandalf in blonde wig with pink roses.
Scene: Helms's Deep. Four uruk-hai sing "You make me feel like a natural woman"
Scene: Helm's Deep armoury.
Gimli: "These are no ordinary orcs. These are uruk-why. Oh fuck." (repeatedly)
Scene: Aragorn and Legolas hear the elf-horn and run out of the armoury. Gimli follows but trips over the mail shirt. He gets up, only to fall over again. (Poor Brett!)
Scene: Outside Fangorn forest. Merry and Pippin, hurriedly trying to crawl away though still tied up, see an orc head in front of them. They look at each other. Merry then tries to do CPR on the severed head. Pippin tries to help with some external compression (not that compressing the skull would do much good, but it's the thought that counts). They are distraught when their efforts do not succeed.
Scene: Aragorn traces the tracks of Merry and Pippin outside fangorn.
Aragorn: "The tracks lead here... into Fangorn Forest. Why the fuck did they go in there? (or, possibly, "Now they're really fucked")
Scene: in front of the Black Gate, Aragorn is fighting Sauron (this was later changed to the Mouth of Sauron). Sauron strikes Anduril and Aragorn is spun around by the force of the blow. As he slowly rights himself, in the classical "Hero about to do the 'Now I'm really mad' bit before killing enemy" pose, he pulls out an Uzi and proceeds to shoot Sauron, while laughing maniacally.
Scene: Helm's Deep. Legolas reaches for an arrow and nocks it to his bow. It falls. He reaches for another arrow, but can't get it aligned on the bow. Reaches for another arrow and tries to fire it, feathers first. Reaches for another arrow, nocks it, releases... arrow falls limply to ground. Reaches for another arrow...
Scene: Ride of the Rohirrim. Merry and Eowyn, in front of green screen, jiggling up and down. Looks obscene.
Scene: Somewhere on location. PJ showing cast how to ride an artificial horse.
Scene: Pelennor. Stage hands carrying dead horses and arranging them carefully on battleground.
Scene: Peter Jackson and Kiran, dancing around each other.
Scene: Hobbiton, Sam returns home after the Grey Havens. He is holding Elanor (Ali), Rosie is holding Frodo (Maisie). Both children are fretful.
Sean. Now, I'm going to kiss you and you'll smile. OK?
Ali: No.
PJ: Action!
Both children scream in unison.
Scene: Lothlorien. Camera shows Merry asleep. He opens his eyes and gives evil smirk to camera.
Scene: in front of the Black Gate. Aragorn is on horse, speaking into mobile phone. "Gondor's on hold".
Scene: Queenstown location shoot. Sky is grey, snow is falling gently all around.
PJ: "Today is the first anniversary of principal shooting. We have a wonderful new snow machine. It's capable of producing enough snow to cover the entire valley... " (burbles on about the snow machine, then tries to get one of the crew to see if he can turn the machine off).
Scene: ?Rivendell. Merry is bumping his belly against Frodo's and Pippin's.
Scene: Minas Tirith, Coronation scene. Faramir and Eowyin are smiling and applauding. Faramir looks directly to camera and mouths "This is all bullshit." He smiles again, sweetly, and looks fondly at Eowyn, who smiles back, completely unaware of what has just happened.
Scene: Isengard. Saruman is lying impaled on the waterwheel. "27 years ago I was lying like this, with Peter Cushing looking down at me. Now I'm lying here and Peter Jackson is looking down at me."
Scene: Christopher Lee reciting the Australian Lord's Prayer "Our 'arbour, which art an 'aven, Sydney be thy name..."
I went to see Peter Jackson at the State theatre in Sydney last night. It was fantastic - a two hour interview with David Stratton (who hosts a movie review programme on TV). David only asked about 6 questions because Peter's "answers" turned into twenty-minute stories. All fascinating stuff, but that’s not why my brain is reeling.
HE SHOWED THE BLOOPER REEL... the legendary, almost mythical, LOTR blooper reel. It's never been shown in public before. It may not ever be again. But I saw it, or at least, some of it (it was cut into several blocks of about five to ten minutes each and we saw three of them).
I don't remember everything there was, of course, nor can I hope to write down all the dialogue - for most of the scenes the sound was pretty poor, and I missed lots because I was switching back and forth between maniacal laughter and shocked cataplexy, hands covering face. I'm sure I got half the words wrong.
What I do remember (not in any particular order):
Scene: Rohan, the room where the Fellowship are sleeping. Pippin gets up and tiptoes past Merry's bed, intent on the palantir. Suddenly he does a double-take and looks back at Merry, whose blankets are pushed up by an enormous erection at least two feet high. Pippin runs over to the bed, Merry lifts the covers and Pippin scrambles in. Much laughter and movement under the covers. Sound of balloon popping; erection subsides. Merry flings an arm over Pippin and says "Nighty-night."
Scene: Rohan, the Golden Hall. Aragorn is breaking the news to Theoden.
Theoden: "Orcs, you say?"
Aragorn: "Ten thousand strong. Plastic toys, from when they took you into a dark room and scanned you. Thousands of them, action toys, for children to play with..."
Scene: Helm's Deep, the door to the keep.
Theoden: "Barricade the door! They're Jehovah's Witnesses!"
Scene: Hobbiton, four hobbits on horses, about to re-enter the shire. Frodo's horse keeps going backwards.
Scene: Frodo looks soulfully into the camera... then puts on a pair of sunglasses and grins.
Scene: Bluescreen, four hobbits have just been told "You bow to no one." They look at each other, then pull out bottles of champagne and pop them, showering area and each other.
Scene: Bilbo's Party. Frodo watches the dancing with a gentle, wistful smile, then looks at camera, crosses eyes and makes a horrible face.
Scene: behind the scenes documentary. Camera approaches a trailer, climbs steps, opens door, goes in. Dom and Billy, in costume, are in one corner, breeches around their ankles (bums unfortunately covered by long shirts), comparing things.
Dom: "Yours seems to be slightly thinner, but longer."
Billy: "Yeah, but yours is... yeah, it is longer, isn't it?"
They notice camera and hurriedly start to pull up breeches and tuck shirts in.
Billy "We were just working on a... on a..."
Dom: "A thing with the hobbits, where...
Dom notices the blow-up doll on the bed and fumbles with it, then tries to hide it under the blankets. Much nonsense about what they were doing - practising scenes for "Dukes of Hazzard" "No, the Knights of Rohan."
Dom: "Pippin gets an infection"
Billy: "Aye, and there are no doctors, so it's all down to Merry."
Dom: "I'll look after him."
Pause.
Dom: "Can we start again from here?"
Scene: Arwen in front of green screen. Flubs elvish dialogue. Repeatedly.
Scene: Cirith Ungol.
Frodo: Go home, Sam, Go home"
Sam, crying, turns to go, trips over and falls against rock, taking with him large chunk of polystyrene.
Scene: Rohan, golden Hall. Merry and Pippin up on table, singing
M+P : You can keep your fancy ales
You can drink them by the flagon
but the only brew for the brave and true..."
Pippin: Comes, comes, comes comes....
M+P: Comes from the Green Dragon!
Pippin: I came a lot!
Scene: Minas Tirith,
Gandalf (to Pippin). "Guard of the citadel, indeed. Now, back up the hill, and quickly!"
Pippin runs up the stairs and off to the right.
Gandalf: "And don't come back to the set!".
Pippin reappears, looks comically scared, then runs off to the left.
Scene: Minas Tirith, Hall of the King:
Pippin walks slowly through the hall, directly towards the camera... and into the camera.
Scene: Minas Tirith, Coronation scene.
Gandalf holds crown above Aragorn's head, saying "Now are the days of the Queen."
Camera pans up to show Gandalf in blonde wig with pink roses.
Scene: Helms's Deep. Four uruk-hai sing "You make me feel like a natural woman"
Scene: Helm's Deep armoury.
Gimli: "These are no ordinary orcs. These are uruk-why. Oh fuck." (repeatedly)
Scene: Aragorn and Legolas hear the elf-horn and run out of the armoury. Gimli follows but trips over the mail shirt. He gets up, only to fall over again. (Poor Brett!)
Scene: Outside Fangorn forest. Merry and Pippin, hurriedly trying to crawl away though still tied up, see an orc head in front of them. They look at each other. Merry then tries to do CPR on the severed head. Pippin tries to help with some external compression (not that compressing the skull would do much good, but it's the thought that counts). They are distraught when their efforts do not succeed.
Scene: Aragorn traces the tracks of Merry and Pippin outside fangorn.
Aragorn: "The tracks lead here... into Fangorn Forest. Why the fuck did they go in there? (or, possibly, "Now they're really fucked")
Scene: in front of the Black Gate, Aragorn is fighting Sauron (this was later changed to the Mouth of Sauron). Sauron strikes Anduril and Aragorn is spun around by the force of the blow. As he slowly rights himself, in the classical "Hero about to do the 'Now I'm really mad' bit before killing enemy" pose, he pulls out an Uzi and proceeds to shoot Sauron, while laughing maniacally.
Scene: Helm's Deep. Legolas reaches for an arrow and nocks it to his bow. It falls. He reaches for another arrow, but can't get it aligned on the bow. Reaches for another arrow and tries to fire it, feathers first. Reaches for another arrow, nocks it, releases... arrow falls limply to ground. Reaches for another arrow...
Scene: Ride of the Rohirrim. Merry and Eowyn, in front of green screen, jiggling up and down. Looks obscene.
Scene: Somewhere on location. PJ showing cast how to ride an artificial horse.
Scene: Pelennor. Stage hands carrying dead horses and arranging them carefully on battleground.
Scene: Peter Jackson and Kiran, dancing around each other.
Scene: Hobbiton, Sam returns home after the Grey Havens. He is holding Elanor (Ali), Rosie is holding Frodo (Maisie). Both children are fretful.
Sean. Now, I'm going to kiss you and you'll smile. OK?
Ali: No.
PJ: Action!
Both children scream in unison.
Scene: Lothlorien. Camera shows Merry asleep. He opens his eyes and gives evil smirk to camera.
Scene: in front of the Black Gate. Aragorn is on horse, speaking into mobile phone. "Gondor's on hold".
Scene: Queenstown location shoot. Sky is grey, snow is falling gently all around.
PJ: "Today is the first anniversary of principal shooting. We have a wonderful new snow machine. It's capable of producing enough snow to cover the entire valley... " (burbles on about the snow machine, then tries to get one of the crew to see if he can turn the machine off).
Scene: ?Rivendell. Merry is bumping his belly against Frodo's and Pippin's.
Scene: Minas Tirith, Coronation scene. Faramir and Eowyin are smiling and applauding. Faramir looks directly to camera and mouths "This is all bullshit." He smiles again, sweetly, and looks fondly at Eowyn, who smiles back, completely unaware of what has just happened.
Scene: Isengard. Saruman is lying impaled on the waterwheel. "27 years ago I was lying like this, with Peter Cushing looking down at me. Now I'm lying here and Peter Jackson is looking down at me."
Scene: Christopher Lee reciting the Australian Lord's Prayer "Our 'arbour, which art an 'aven, Sydney be thy name..."