Writer's Block: Funniest Thing Ever.
Probably the time when I was pregnant with Adriyan and he and Wes basically teamed up and made me pee myself.
It was August 22, 2004, I was 6 months pregnant and I was working overnight at the gate house at the front of the apartment property where we were living at the time. That was a Sunday, one of the 2 days I didn't work overnight. August 22 is my grandmother's birthday, so after I got back from my lunch break, I thought I'd give her a call to wish her happy birthday.
Well, as it goes with pregnant women, I suddenly realized that I needed to pee. Now the smart thing to have done would have been to take a quick run to the 7-11 just down the way about a hundred yards or so and do my business before calling, but I figured it'd be a quick "Happy Birthday" conversation and that'd be it.
It wasn't so.
I called her shortly before 7:00. I was supposed to get off at 9:30. Wes, my fiancee at the time, came to pick me up to walk me home as usual when I got off. I was still on the phone with my grandmother, having been unable to manage to end the conversation. And I was doing the potty dance like a ridiculous fool by that time.
We get to walking and I feel like I'm going to burst. It was about a quarter-mile walk from the front of the property to our apartment and it was the LONGEST quarter mile I'd ever walked. We finally are almost there. We're in our row and within view of our porch. It's maybe 50 feet away. That's when Wes decides that he's going to get snarky.
"I call dibs on the bathroom!" he sang cheerfully.
Apparently my bladder understood English because it immediately seized and started to lose it. And that just seemed to get Adriyan's attention because at that moment I felt him thump my bladder and I just completely lost it and I gushed.
I stood there and was making sounds that were a mixture of wails of horror and uncontrollable laughter. Yeah, I went slightly hysterical.
The worst part about it (yes, even worse than pissing my overalls), was that it was right in front one of our neighbor's door. And I guess that the gods thought it would be hilarious to have him walk out just a few seconds after it'd happened when I was still dripping.
He had a look that was a mixture of surprise and what I can only call "WTF?!"
We babbled something at him and then Wes hurried home, still, by the way, trying to control his uncontrollable laughter. He'd been, of course, busting a gut since I bust my bladder.
We hoped that the neighbor thought that maybe my water had broken, but not likely, as we saw him on Halloween trying to see if any kids were going to come looking for candy and I was quite obviously still pregnant, as I wasn't due until November 6.
Hoo boy.
And Wes still claims complete innocence as to his part in that fiasco. I keep telling him that he started it and Adriyan finished it.
It was August 22, 2004, I was 6 months pregnant and I was working overnight at the gate house at the front of the apartment property where we were living at the time. That was a Sunday, one of the 2 days I didn't work overnight. August 22 is my grandmother's birthday, so after I got back from my lunch break, I thought I'd give her a call to wish her happy birthday.
Well, as it goes with pregnant women, I suddenly realized that I needed to pee. Now the smart thing to have done would have been to take a quick run to the 7-11 just down the way about a hundred yards or so and do my business before calling, but I figured it'd be a quick "Happy Birthday" conversation and that'd be it.
It wasn't so.
I called her shortly before 7:00. I was supposed to get off at 9:30. Wes, my fiancee at the time, came to pick me up to walk me home as usual when I got off. I was still on the phone with my grandmother, having been unable to manage to end the conversation. And I was doing the potty dance like a ridiculous fool by that time.
We get to walking and I feel like I'm going to burst. It was about a quarter-mile walk from the front of the property to our apartment and it was the LONGEST quarter mile I'd ever walked. We finally are almost there. We're in our row and within view of our porch. It's maybe 50 feet away. That's when Wes decides that he's going to get snarky.
"I call dibs on the bathroom!" he sang cheerfully.
Apparently my bladder understood English because it immediately seized and started to lose it. And that just seemed to get Adriyan's attention because at that moment I felt him thump my bladder and I just completely lost it and I gushed.
I stood there and was making sounds that were a mixture of wails of horror and uncontrollable laughter. Yeah, I went slightly hysterical.
The worst part about it (yes, even worse than pissing my overalls), was that it was right in front one of our neighbor's door. And I guess that the gods thought it would be hilarious to have him walk out just a few seconds after it'd happened when I was still dripping.
He had a look that was a mixture of surprise and what I can only call "WTF?!"
We babbled something at him and then Wes hurried home, still, by the way, trying to control his uncontrollable laughter. He'd been, of course, busting a gut since I bust my bladder.
We hoped that the neighbor thought that maybe my water had broken, but not likely, as we saw him on Halloween trying to see if any kids were going to come looking for candy and I was quite obviously still pregnant, as I wasn't due until November 6.
Hoo boy.
And Wes still claims complete innocence as to his part in that fiasco. I keep telling him that he started it and Adriyan finished it.