(no subject)
So its 11:30 and i'm VERY tired. I'm sooo just like not in the mood for anything anymore. I have this HUGE english thing, thats only half done. Im sorry but its soo fucked up how we have to find at lease 35 in the actul paper. I mean i freaking got half or MORE of my words from OTHER places. Thats why I had to re-do it. I am soo pissed. And then 3rd, I studied REALLY hard for a test where she said that there was going to be EVERYTHING on, and she basded the WHOLE test on ONE chapter! So screwed up. I have to literally get an A or B+++++++++++ to at least get a C in that class. And Julie, I love you so much! I'm so sorry your dealing with this situation. I agree with you, and I'm NOT going to talk to anyone else about it, because no one else seems to understand that posting an entry on your LJ, and making it so thatyou only your friends can comment, is a very cowardly way of talking shit about people. I mean, I don't even know this chick, and she pisses me off. Just the SITUATION its SELF, not the fact that she upset one of my friends. I mean come one people!!! How old are you?? 4? 5?........2???? Because thats how some people are acting. ANYWAYS, so schools just really stressful. And then there's the thing with Nikki. I mean we talked about this, so i'm ganna write about it. But i really just want things to go back to normal. Like i have no idea what happened, because I mean friends fight all the time, and they can be friends again, but with her its kinda like were always going to be separated now. Actully this whole fucking year I have felt that way. I have always felt so left out or something around her. I dono but it's just weird. And then Chase, uggggggg. He thought that I yelled at him, and ONLY him, but it was like i was yelling at the whole ground. Ok they take away the part from me, give it to Megan, the way she plays Isabella just annoys the hell out of me. NOT HER,just the way that they have turned Isabella. And it just really really really really bothers me. Well they made me stupid director. The very first day no one even asked me, they were always asking CHASE. And no one would listen to me and when I said to try this or that, they igorned me, and I got pissed and I just quit trying, well the next day Chase was like "Take direction yell if you have to" so the first time I yell to get there attention and REALLY listen to me, he gets pissed off. And what really pissed me off was, even though Jenny was like "everyone sit down to watch this" I said "NO we ARE going to get through this once!" and EVERYONE except Nikki walked away, so when I yelled "CHASE, MEGAN, KENNY, KATHRIN" Chase like freaked out and got a pissed off and he was like "Excuse me for fucking listening to Jenny and not being rude while they were trying to work" and I was like "dont fucking pull that with me chase we need to work! At least get through this once" and since then he's been pissy. Whatever. I'm not in the mood to deal with all this drama. I have my own drama. I mean my health is so screwed up right now but NO one knows about it because everyone keeps getting so fucking pissed off at me, that only Sarah, Julie, Wesley and Tess know whats REALLY going on with me. And its sooo fucking hard because Its like they aren't my friends because if they were my friends they would know what the fuck was going on in my life. But i guess i'm not a very good friend because I dont know whats going on in there's either. But how can I talk to them about it, if they're all pissed off at me? Like i seriously just give up. I"m so tired of trying to please everyone and make everyone happy all the time. Its driving me crazy because its like I have so many of my own problems, but there only getting worse because i'm so stressed, which is A HUGE part of my health issue....and so i'm making NO progress. i'm a loser, and my mom thinks i'm fat. Ask Wesley. I called him crying. Which kinda upset me more, he didn't agree with HOW she was telling me. Ok so he thinks i'm fat, but he doesn't agree with HOW she brought it to my attention. And ever since Lane and i broke up and had our whole huge situation and stuff, for a really long time I struggled with being overweight and looking chubby and blah blah blah, and then just over time, I have felt very comforable, I had NEVER felt more comfortable with my body actully during that time since Lane and I broke up, and she just brought it WAY BACK DOWN....lower then after the situation. I dono i had a really hard time adjusting to the change, and I was finally comfortable, and she did this. And it wasn't just in one night....but it took tonight to push me over the edge. Everyday she would tell me that my tummy was fat. Or that my arms were getting bigger, or that my legs were huge. And she just has drilled it into my head that now I have compleatly believed her. And even though i WAS comfortalbe....its different now. I dono. I'm done bitching. Sorry people.