this is about someone who means the world to me.
He's always been a part of me.. I care about him a lot.. I have dreams about him every so often. I guess I didn't really realize how important he is to me, untill just now. If I lost him.. I wouldn't want to live.. Because he has made me feel real..he makes me feel like someone worth being around. Sometimes I don't know why or how he could have feelings for me.. I never felt worthy of being loved.. Because I've done some crappy things. I've done some really bad things. and I didn't think anyone cared about me in that way. I don't know what he would think of me if he knew.. He's always showed me respect, and been a perfect gentlemen.. But I never let my guard down.. I never let him into my life, because I was afraid of showing my emotions, and I never wanted to break the friendship. I figured if I pushed the feelings away, he would forget about me. But apperently he still thinks of me.. It's always been in the back of my mind, that this would be the perfect guy for me.. he's an amazing guy, and he's so kind to me.. I don't know if he thinks of things like that.. But I've honestly gotten upset, because I wish I could go back, and change things. I'd probably be a happier person, because he makes he smile. Underneath these past 3 years, and all the shit i've been through.. He has my heart. He's had it for a long time.I just hadn't realized it yet. and I feel like shit for only hanging out with him one. I feel like I let him down.. Because I told him that I would try to see him as much I could.. because I do care about him. I guess I didn't take into thought, that I wouldn't see him for a long time. The time that I did spend with him.. he made me happy. Just being around him makes me smile.. Because he's such a interesting person, and an amazing personality. I'm pretty sure we'd never run out of things to say. I wish that I was a better person, so I could make him happy. I don't know how I make him feel. I don't even know if he's mad at me right now.. for not spending enough time with him. I feel like shit. all over again. I'm going to try to get some sleep.. because I have school in the morning. but I wish he could see that he means the world to me. we'll find eachother together someday. even if he is 4 thousand miles away. I love him. and I hope he feels the same way. =(