Catharsis
Things I would love to say but can't. These are addressed to 7 people in my life, I saw someone else did this so I thought I would too. This is really just for catharsis, not so anyone can find themselves because um you probably won't be there.
1.I'm totally intimidated by you and I never know how to feel around you. It's strange because everyone says how alike we are, I secretly hope they are right because in most ways I think you are an amazing person. I hope that I can grow to be as courageous as you are but I also hope I don't develop your anger at the world. For someone I have spent so much of my life around it makes me sad that I don't feel I really know you but then I don't think anyone knows you that well because like me your biggest flaw is your fear of yourself.
2. I can't stop thinking about you. I try and try, sometimes I go almost a whole day but then as my head hits the pillow you appear above me. I feel totally stupid and useless because I KNOW that you probably never think of me and then I convice myself that I'm okay with it but it only takes one minor acknowledgement from you and my stomach flips and I feel like a total fool.
3.I love you very much and in most ways you are very good to me but I always feel like nothing I ever do is ever good enough for you. I feel like my life's work is to stop you being ashamed of me because of what I did. I feel like I will always be a dissapointment to you. I still remember you telling me I was fat when I was 3 and you were drying me after my bath. I know about your bazaar eating behaviour and about the pills and I don't say anything because in some weird fucked up way I am jealous because you are so beautiful and I am so not.
4.I don't like you, not even a little bit. You are so rude to me all the time and all you ever do is bitch. I am actually only hanging out with you because I feel sorry for you but I'll never say anything because then I will feel like I am bullying you.
5.You are the singular best person in my life, my best friend, you are the only person who has ever made me feel safe and free. I feel terrible because I know I hurt you because despite how liberated your love makes me feel I could never quite let go. I hate that I could never quite let go of the small things, I hate that I was always frustrated with you when really you are the greatest person in my life.
6.I love you so much, how could I not, I don't understand you, not one little bit. Your priorities and life are so different from my own but despite all this you are the one person I would drop everything for and if push came to shove I think I would probably die for you. I get jealous of you a lot because you are just so much more able to get what you want out of life than me but mainly I just care about you, incredibly deeply.
7.I still don't understand our friendship, do we have one? I kinda feel like you don't like me at all and that you are just hanging out with me to please others. I don't feel like I really know you in many of the ways that are important to me but I still really like you, sometimes you just make me laugh out loud with your little asides, which is especially funny when noone else responds. In some ways I am jealous of you because you have so much front and because you were terrible to people I care about and yet people still like you more than me. The irony being I am preety sure that you feel the exact same way about me, maybe we are too similar.
Okay so some are sublime some are rediculous and most are not read but I feel better, woo hoo.
1.I'm totally intimidated by you and I never know how to feel around you. It's strange because everyone says how alike we are, I secretly hope they are right because in most ways I think you are an amazing person. I hope that I can grow to be as courageous as you are but I also hope I don't develop your anger at the world. For someone I have spent so much of my life around it makes me sad that I don't feel I really know you but then I don't think anyone knows you that well because like me your biggest flaw is your fear of yourself.
2. I can't stop thinking about you. I try and try, sometimes I go almost a whole day but then as my head hits the pillow you appear above me. I feel totally stupid and useless because I KNOW that you probably never think of me and then I convice myself that I'm okay with it but it only takes one minor acknowledgement from you and my stomach flips and I feel like a total fool.
3.I love you very much and in most ways you are very good to me but I always feel like nothing I ever do is ever good enough for you. I feel like my life's work is to stop you being ashamed of me because of what I did. I feel like I will always be a dissapointment to you. I still remember you telling me I was fat when I was 3 and you were drying me after my bath. I know about your bazaar eating behaviour and about the pills and I don't say anything because in some weird fucked up way I am jealous because you are so beautiful and I am so not.
4.I don't like you, not even a little bit. You are so rude to me all the time and all you ever do is bitch. I am actually only hanging out with you because I feel sorry for you but I'll never say anything because then I will feel like I am bullying you.
5.You are the singular best person in my life, my best friend, you are the only person who has ever made me feel safe and free. I feel terrible because I know I hurt you because despite how liberated your love makes me feel I could never quite let go. I hate that I could never quite let go of the small things, I hate that I was always frustrated with you when really you are the greatest person in my life.
6.I love you so much, how could I not, I don't understand you, not one little bit. Your priorities and life are so different from my own but despite all this you are the one person I would drop everything for and if push came to shove I think I would probably die for you. I get jealous of you a lot because you are just so much more able to get what you want out of life than me but mainly I just care about you, incredibly deeply.
7.I still don't understand our friendship, do we have one? I kinda feel like you don't like me at all and that you are just hanging out with me to please others. I don't feel like I really know you in many of the ways that are important to me but I still really like you, sometimes you just make me laugh out loud with your little asides, which is especially funny when noone else responds. In some ways I am jealous of you because you have so much front and because you were terrible to people I care about and yet people still like you more than me. The irony being I am preety sure that you feel the exact same way about me, maybe we are too similar.
Okay so some are sublime some are rediculous and most are not read but I feel better, woo hoo.