(no subject)
I feel unappreciative today. As though there are more things going on for me to be thankful for than I have been being thankful for, as though I am taking for granted things I thought I was being grateful for.
I keep expecting the sky to come crashing down and kick me to the ground again, because surely this can't be me who is being so blessed. I am at poverty level. If it were not for Cree and Richard, I would be living on the streets right now, or bumming off of other friends who were not so prepared to shelter a broken person, who would soon grow tired of me. To their credit, though I have at times displayed assy behavior, they have been patient with me and understanding. I don't deserve that, I don't deserve anything other than to be hanging on to my fingernails from being homeless, lacking money to buy food, lacking money to buy gas. That's what I deserve, that's what my financial decisions bought me.
Yet here I am, typing on my computer, in my room, in the home of my two friends, not deserving any of it, and hardly being grateful enough - hardly realizing what all there is to be grateful for.
I love my new job - it's with a company I could easily see myself staying with for a number of years. Richard helped me to get the position.
"Thank you" seems so inadequate.
I keep expecting the sky to come crashing down and kick me to the ground again, because surely this can't be me who is being so blessed. I am at poverty level. If it were not for Cree and Richard, I would be living on the streets right now, or bumming off of other friends who were not so prepared to shelter a broken person, who would soon grow tired of me. To their credit, though I have at times displayed assy behavior, they have been patient with me and understanding. I don't deserve that, I don't deserve anything other than to be hanging on to my fingernails from being homeless, lacking money to buy food, lacking money to buy gas. That's what I deserve, that's what my financial decisions bought me.
Yet here I am, typing on my computer, in my room, in the home of my two friends, not deserving any of it, and hardly being grateful enough - hardly realizing what all there is to be grateful for.
I love my new job - it's with a company I could easily see myself staying with for a number of years. Richard helped me to get the position.
"Thank you" seems so inadequate.