(no subject)
Because I like to keep my insanity well documented, I present:
The Return of the Beast!
aka China in Brief, now modified for Higher Level!
History in Brief: China 1800s - 1900s
China: I’m the best and biggest country in the world! I’m the greatest! Go me, I rule! I have no need of anything anyone else has to offer, but I’ll share if you kowtow to me. Cause I’m generous like that. Obey all my rules and we’ll get along just fine.
The West: What’re they talking about? Come and trade with us! See, we give you presents. You know you want more of our advanced technologies!
China: We have no need of anything you have to offer. But you may trade if you reeeeeaaally want to, you can trade at Canton, just like everyone else.
The West: We resent the implication that we are not more special than everybody else! That includes you, China! Are you sure you won’t play nice?
China: What are all these big-nosed people talking about? They have the chance to deal with the centre of the world? What’s to gripe about?
The West: Fine, I warned you. Here, peasants, have some opium!
Chinese peasants: Oooooooooooooohhhhhh, the precious! *become addicted*
China: Hey! Bad peasants! Stop making my peasants into junkies! No more opium allowed!
Merchants: *crywhingegrumpgripcomplain*
China: Here, fishies, have drugs!
Britain: Oi! No fair! War!
China: Say what? Hey! How did a bunch of stupid foreigners beat us up so bad?
Britain: Sign the Treaty of Nanjing to say you’ll be good, or else!
China: *signs* But what about …
Britain: More bad behaviour! *destroys the emperor’s Summer Palace* Now sign another treaty. Its for your own good, you know. You really have to learn to be more polite.
China: *looks down gun-barrel* *signs*
Qing Dynasty: *grump grump we’re the emperors grump* Welcome big nose friends! Bring money and culture to poor China! We reform and modernise and become more like you.
Qing Officials: Now, if we go forwards in technology, we’ll be just like the West! And if we go backwards in the government, we can be just as strong as we were before! Genius! Modernise and recede all in one!
China: *facepalm* It doesn’t work like that, guys.
Chinese peasants: It really doesn’t! *many rebellions*
The West: Great, wonderful, well done King!
Qings: Its “Qing”. You say it “ching”.
The West: Of course King, what ever you say.
Quings: *sigh* Just call us Manchus, then
Emperor Guangxu: How about some reforms! In fact, lets have 100 days of reform! Cause we’re totally in control of everything.
Empress Cixi: Bad husband! We are not reforming and becoming like them! I mean, look at those terrible things like -education, and military power! Stop right now!
Emperor Guangxu: Yes, dear.
Boxers: *grumble stupid westerners we hates them my precious we hates them!*
Empress Cixi: You and me both. Take some money and rebel, but don’t tell anyone I funded you!
Boxers: Yay!! REBEL! KEEL THEM ALL!!
The West: Oi! Jolly unsporting, what! Now we kill you. China, we demand compensation!
Cixi: Oh, of course! Bad Boxers! Such naughty boys. Please, accept more deals and benefits from poor China. And reforms! Many reforms!
The West: Well, if you insist. A little more, more, keep going, ok that’ll do.
China: *poor* But we get reforms! We become more like the West, maybe then they’ll leave us alone, the bullies.
Sun Yatsen: *grump grump revolution grumble three principals grump* *forms revolutionary group that later becomes the Kuomintang, or Guomindang, or Nationalists*
IB history students: Why must all these names be so complicated? Why??
China: *smirk* Just so you know, Sun Yatsen is also Sun Yixian. And Chiang Kai-Shek is Jiang Jeishi
Cixi: *dies* Pu Yi, you can be emperor now.
Pu Yi: What’s a nempwer?
China: *facepalm* Way to put a three-year-old on the throne, guys. Well done.
Yuan Shikai: *is dismissed from a high office* Stupid Manchus aren’t even really Chinese. You haven’t seen the last of Yuanny! One day I’ll have my revenge!
People of China: We don’t like the Qings/Manchus, or the West, or being ruled by a kid who still sucks his thumb! HE HAS LOST THE MANDATE OF HEAVEN! We REBEL!
Wuhan Uprising: Hey, where did I come from? I wasn’t meant to happen! Oh well, I spread and knock out the government!
Sun Yatsen: And that’s my cue. I’ve been in America guys, what’ve I missed?
People of China: REBEL!!!
Sun Yatsen: Ok, I’ll be President of the Chinese Republic then! The THREE PRINCIPALS RULE!!! Nationalism, Democracy, People’s Livelihood!
People of China: Yay!!!!
Manchus: Um, Yuan Shikai? Help!!
Yuan Shikai: Help you, after you kicked me out? Neva, bitches! Hey, new republic, I’ll help you if I get to be President.
Sun Yatsen: *grumble grumble flee*
Pu Yi: I adibate. Um, adbitate? Addilate?
China: Psst - its “abdicate.”
Pu Yi: Oh yeah! I adbicate!
China: *facepalm* Yes, your ex-majesty. Good boy. Have a lolly.
Yuan Shikai: Hey, I’m in power now! Cool! No photos, please, and no opposing parties. Oh, and no parliament until I’ve got more power. Cause I’m special, so I can do special things like that.
Japan: Yes, you are special. Very special. And because you’re that special, we’re going to give you a one-time deal on demands! You get 21 for the price of 20! Just give us your autograph here…
Yuan Shikai: Awesome! I’m too good.
Japan: Yes, yes you are. Thanks for the special rights, and large portion of land.
Yuan Shikai: Anytime, gorgeous!
People of China: WTF?!
Yuan Shikai: And cause I’m that special, I’ll be emperor of China too!
People of China: WTF??!! NO! We don’t want you!!!
Yuan Shikai: *whimper* *sniff* Really?
People of China: Really.
Yuan Shikai: But I’m special!
People of China: No, you’re really not.
Yuan Shikai: *dies of a broken heart*
Warlords: We take over! Muhahahahaha! Murder and mayhem, chaos and anarchy!
Weird Warlord: And baptising people with fire-hoses!
Other Warlords: *edge away slowly*
Weird Warlord: What? At least I’ve got morals!
The West: True, true. *goes back to bickering with Germany* Oh, by the way, we wrote the Treaty of Versailles. Japan, you get the chunk of China that Germany owned. China, you get … nothing
China: WTF!!!! But I was on your side! The whole time! I wanted my land back! And what about lifting those stupid old treaty rules from ages ago?
The West: Sorry, bad luck. Try again next war.
People of China: It’s not fair! We protest! *May Fourth Movement*
Russia: Hey, neighbour. Just so you know, I’m now Communist! Farewell, Comrade!
Mao: Hmmmm… *joins Marxist study group*
Nothing: *happens*
Chinese Communist Party: *forms*
Mao: Eeexcellent.
Nothing: *continues to happen*
Sun Yatsen: Its time something happened again! I dust off refine my Three Principles, and revive the GMD!
China: GMD?
Sun Yatsen: Guomindang/Kuomintang/Nationalists, because all the authors are too lazy to write out the whole thing every time.
Authors and Historians: Damn straight! And the Chinese Communist Party is the CCP from now on too.
Sun Yatsen: Hey West, want to help me defeat the warlords and unify China?
The West: *ignores Sun Yatsen*
Sun Yatsen: Guys? Um, guys? Maybe some help?
USSR: Hey China, I’ll help you!
Sun Yatsen: Well, some help is better than none at all. Right?
Chiang Kai-shek: WRONG!
USSR: Hush, silly child. Now, cause we’re communist we’ll only help if you’re really nice to the CCP.
Sun Yatsen: Yeah, why not. After all, we’re much bigger than they are!
Chiang Kai-shek: *grump grump study in Russia grump*
Sun Yatsen: Now, play nicely with the Communists, my boy. They’re our allies against the warlords and foreigners!
Chiang Kai-Shek: Of course I will, sir. *shifty eyes* *founds a Military Academy*
Communists: Yes, we’re all friends. One big happy United Front!
Mao: This is baaaad! It won’t work! They’ll betray us!
Communists: Pish, don’t be silly! Didn’t you hear what our lovely friend Sun said? Everything is roses.
Historians: By the way, Sun Yatsen, are you a Communist?
Sun Yatsen: Me? Good heavens, what a question! I’m *dies*
Mao: Uh-oh.
Chiang Kai-Shek: What are you worried about? Lets go defeat the warlords together. We can go on a Northern Expedition together to show how united we are!
Communists: Silly suspicious Mao. Of course we’d love to go!
GMD and CCP: *destroy the warlords*
Chiang Kai-Shek: Thanks, guys! Now, let me see - KILL ALL COMMUNISTS!!!
Communists: Uh-oh.
Mao: Told you so. But would you listen to me? Noooooooooooooo.
GMD: *Shanghai Massacre/White Terror/many communists die*
CCP: *flee*
Mao: We must fight back! But in the countryside, cause the peasants are the key.
CCP: WFT?
Mao: The peasants are the sea; we are the fish. The sea is our habitat!
CCP: If you say so. You were right about that other thing. *sets up Jiangxi Soviet*
GMD: AARRHHH KEEEL THEM AAALLLLLL!!!!!11!1!! Also, Chiang Kai-Shek is now Chairman of the Nationalist Government.
Chiang Kai-Shek: Thanks, guys. Now, CRUSH THEM!
Japan: *invades*
CCP: *fights back!* ps, Mao, we don’t really need you any more. You have odd ideas. You’re demoted.
Chiang Kai-Shek: Go away Japan, we’re busy killing Communists!
GMD: Um, how do we do that?
Chiang Kai-Shek: You know, I’m not sure. America, help!
American Military Person: Encircle them!
GMD: Okay! *does so*
CCP: Eeeep.
Mao: We must flee! Flee for our lives, to The Base Far Far Away Yanan!
CCP: But … we don’t want to run away!
Mao: Do it!
CCP: Yessir.
Long March: *takes a really, really long time*
Communists: Are we there yet?
Mao: No!
Communists: …how bout now?
Mao: No!
Communists: Now?
Mao: No!
Communists: …*die*
Mao: No! Okay, now we’re there.
CCP: Mao, you’re cool. You can be our leader!
Mao: Eeeexcellent. Anyone who doesn’t like me must be re-educated, cause there’s clearly something wrong with them! Oh, and be nice to the peasants cause they’re our meal-ticket to power! And use my special guerrilla tactics! Cause even after I’m dead, people will say what a good tactician I was.
CCP: Yes, sir!
Edgar Snow: I’m an American Communist Reporter! The CCP is wonderful!
America: He’s ours, he must be right! The CCP is cool! But we must back the GMD, cause they’re not communists. Here, guys, have weapons and money and advice!
Chiang Kai-Shek: *is captured by the Communists*
America: *facepalm* Dude, that’s not good.
China: Also, why were you hiding behind a rock in your pyjamas?
Chiang: Ummmmm…
Rest of the world: *facepalm*
Zhou Enlai: I’m Mao’s second-in-command! Chiang, be good and ally with us against the Japanese, and we won’t kill you. Also, if you do, we’ll be good after this and not rebel against you. We’ll be democratic and give you our army too!
Chiang Kai-Shek: Anything you say, just don’t kill me!
CCP and GMD: We are now the Second United Front
China: How original. Now go kill those invading Nips!
CCP: Chaaaaaaaaaaaaaarge!!!!!
Battle: *ensues*
CCP: Hey, GMD! Help!
GMD: Pardon? We didn’t hear you!
CCP Fourth Army: *dies*
CCP: Hey, meanies! We quit this United business!
GMD: It was your idea in the first place, ‘comrades’. Don’t blame us!
Mao: *grumps*
Japan: I’m cool and strong! *attacks Pearl Harbour*
America: Oi! That’s not on, buddy! *drops atomic bombs on Japan*
Japan: *surrenders*
China: Yay
GMD: *really, really sucks politically, economically and socially* Now we’re free to kill all the communists!
Peasants of China: Actually, we like them better than we like you. They’re nice and kind and generous and give us land and food. You’re stupid and corrupt and full of warring factions, you have no idea what you’re doing and you rely on America too much. And you don’t listen to anything we say. Go CCP!!
China: *is in civil war*
GMD: *has larger, better equipped army with no food and poor morale*
CCP: *has smaller, not very well equipped army with peasant support, better tactics and very high morale*
Mao: Let me hear it! When the enemy advances?
Red Army: We retreat!
Mao: When the enemy escapes?
Red Army: We harass!
Mao: When they retreat?
Red Army: We pursue.
Mao: When they tire
Red Army: We attack!
Many soldiers: *desert the GMD*
GMD: Hey! *is defeated*
Chiang Kai-Shek: *retires*
Mao: *is elected Chairman of the People’s Republic of China and of the Communist Party*
Chiang Kai-Shek: *moves to Taiwan*
Taiwan: We’re the true Republic of China! We love democracy and Chiang Kai-Shek!
CCP: We crush you!
America: No, I don’t think so.
Taiwan: Ha ha!
America: *glares*
Taiwan: Sorry.
The Return of the Beast!
aka China in Brief, now modified for Higher Level!
History in Brief: China 1800s - 1900s
China: I’m the best and biggest country in the world! I’m the greatest! Go me, I rule! I have no need of anything anyone else has to offer, but I’ll share if you kowtow to me. Cause I’m generous like that. Obey all my rules and we’ll get along just fine.
The West: What’re they talking about? Come and trade with us! See, we give you presents. You know you want more of our advanced technologies!
China: We have no need of anything you have to offer. But you may trade if you reeeeeaaally want to, you can trade at Canton, just like everyone else.
The West: We resent the implication that we are not more special than everybody else! That includes you, China! Are you sure you won’t play nice?
China: What are all these big-nosed people talking about? They have the chance to deal with the centre of the world? What’s to gripe about?
The West: Fine, I warned you. Here, peasants, have some opium!
Chinese peasants: Oooooooooooooohhhhhh, the precious! *become addicted*
China: Hey! Bad peasants! Stop making my peasants into junkies! No more opium allowed!
Merchants: *crywhingegrumpgripcomplain*
China: Here, fishies, have drugs!
Britain: Oi! No fair! War!
China: Say what? Hey! How did a bunch of stupid foreigners beat us up so bad?
Britain: Sign the Treaty of Nanjing to say you’ll be good, or else!
China: *signs* But what about …
Britain: More bad behaviour! *destroys the emperor’s Summer Palace* Now sign another treaty. Its for your own good, you know. You really have to learn to be more polite.
China: *looks down gun-barrel* *signs*
Qing Dynasty: *grump grump we’re the emperors grump* Welcome big nose friends! Bring money and culture to poor China! We reform and modernise and become more like you.
Qing Officials: Now, if we go forwards in technology, we’ll be just like the West! And if we go backwards in the government, we can be just as strong as we were before! Genius! Modernise and recede all in one!
China: *facepalm* It doesn’t work like that, guys.
Chinese peasants: It really doesn’t! *many rebellions*
The West: Great, wonderful, well done King!
Qings: Its “Qing”. You say it “ching”.
The West: Of course King, what ever you say.
Quings: *sigh* Just call us Manchus, then
Emperor Guangxu: How about some reforms! In fact, lets have 100 days of reform! Cause we’re totally in control of everything.
Empress Cixi: Bad husband! We are not reforming and becoming like them! I mean, look at those terrible things like -education, and military power! Stop right now!
Emperor Guangxu: Yes, dear.
Boxers: *grumble stupid westerners we hates them my precious we hates them!*
Empress Cixi: You and me both. Take some money and rebel, but don’t tell anyone I funded you!
Boxers: Yay!! REBEL! KEEL THEM ALL!!
The West: Oi! Jolly unsporting, what! Now we kill you. China, we demand compensation!
Cixi: Oh, of course! Bad Boxers! Such naughty boys. Please, accept more deals and benefits from poor China. And reforms! Many reforms!
The West: Well, if you insist. A little more, more, keep going, ok that’ll do.
China: *poor* But we get reforms! We become more like the West, maybe then they’ll leave us alone, the bullies.
Sun Yatsen: *grump grump revolution grumble three principals grump* *forms revolutionary group that later becomes the Kuomintang, or Guomindang, or Nationalists*
IB history students: Why must all these names be so complicated? Why??
China: *smirk* Just so you know, Sun Yatsen is also Sun Yixian. And Chiang Kai-Shek is Jiang Jeishi
Cixi: *dies* Pu Yi, you can be emperor now.
Pu Yi: What’s a nempwer?
China: *facepalm* Way to put a three-year-old on the throne, guys. Well done.
Yuan Shikai: *is dismissed from a high office* Stupid Manchus aren’t even really Chinese. You haven’t seen the last of Yuanny! One day I’ll have my revenge!
People of China: We don’t like the Qings/Manchus, or the West, or being ruled by a kid who still sucks his thumb! HE HAS LOST THE MANDATE OF HEAVEN! We REBEL!
Wuhan Uprising: Hey, where did I come from? I wasn’t meant to happen! Oh well, I spread and knock out the government!
Sun Yatsen: And that’s my cue. I’ve been in America guys, what’ve I missed?
People of China: REBEL!!!
Sun Yatsen: Ok, I’ll be President of the Chinese Republic then! The THREE PRINCIPALS RULE!!! Nationalism, Democracy, People’s Livelihood!
People of China: Yay!!!!
Manchus: Um, Yuan Shikai? Help!!
Yuan Shikai: Help you, after you kicked me out? Neva, bitches! Hey, new republic, I’ll help you if I get to be President.
Sun Yatsen: *grumble grumble flee*
Pu Yi: I adibate. Um, adbitate? Addilate?
China: Psst - its “abdicate.”
Pu Yi: Oh yeah! I adbicate!
China: *facepalm* Yes, your ex-majesty. Good boy. Have a lolly.
Yuan Shikai: Hey, I’m in power now! Cool! No photos, please, and no opposing parties. Oh, and no parliament until I’ve got more power. Cause I’m special, so I can do special things like that.
Japan: Yes, you are special. Very special. And because you’re that special, we’re going to give you a one-time deal on demands! You get 21 for the price of 20! Just give us your autograph here…
Yuan Shikai: Awesome! I’m too good.
Japan: Yes, yes you are. Thanks for the special rights, and large portion of land.
Yuan Shikai: Anytime, gorgeous!
People of China: WTF?!
Yuan Shikai: And cause I’m that special, I’ll be emperor of China too!
People of China: WTF??!! NO! We don’t want you!!!
Yuan Shikai: *whimper* *sniff* Really?
People of China: Really.
Yuan Shikai: But I’m special!
People of China: No, you’re really not.
Yuan Shikai: *dies of a broken heart*
Warlords: We take over! Muhahahahaha! Murder and mayhem, chaos and anarchy!
Weird Warlord: And baptising people with fire-hoses!
Other Warlords: *edge away slowly*
Weird Warlord: What? At least I’ve got morals!
The West: True, true. *goes back to bickering with Germany* Oh, by the way, we wrote the Treaty of Versailles. Japan, you get the chunk of China that Germany owned. China, you get … nothing
China: WTF!!!! But I was on your side! The whole time! I wanted my land back! And what about lifting those stupid old treaty rules from ages ago?
The West: Sorry, bad luck. Try again next war.
People of China: It’s not fair! We protest! *May Fourth Movement*
Russia: Hey, neighbour. Just so you know, I’m now Communist! Farewell, Comrade!
Mao: Hmmmm… *joins Marxist study group*
Nothing: *happens*
Chinese Communist Party: *forms*
Mao: Eeexcellent.
Nothing: *continues to happen*
Sun Yatsen: Its time something happened again! I dust off refine my Three Principles, and revive the GMD!
China: GMD?
Sun Yatsen: Guomindang/Kuomintang/Nationalists, because all the authors are too lazy to write out the whole thing every time.
Authors and Historians: Damn straight! And the Chinese Communist Party is the CCP from now on too.
Sun Yatsen: Hey West, want to help me defeat the warlords and unify China?
The West: *ignores Sun Yatsen*
Sun Yatsen: Guys? Um, guys? Maybe some help?
USSR: Hey China, I’ll help you!
Sun Yatsen: Well, some help is better than none at all. Right?
Chiang Kai-shek: WRONG!
USSR: Hush, silly child. Now, cause we’re communist we’ll only help if you’re really nice to the CCP.
Sun Yatsen: Yeah, why not. After all, we’re much bigger than they are!
Chiang Kai-shek: *grump grump study in Russia grump*
Sun Yatsen: Now, play nicely with the Communists, my boy. They’re our allies against the warlords and foreigners!
Chiang Kai-Shek: Of course I will, sir. *shifty eyes* *founds a Military Academy*
Communists: Yes, we’re all friends. One big happy United Front!
Mao: This is baaaad! It won’t work! They’ll betray us!
Communists: Pish, don’t be silly! Didn’t you hear what our lovely friend Sun said? Everything is roses.
Historians: By the way, Sun Yatsen, are you a Communist?
Sun Yatsen: Me? Good heavens, what a question! I’m *dies*
Mao: Uh-oh.
Chiang Kai-Shek: What are you worried about? Lets go defeat the warlords together. We can go on a Northern Expedition together to show how united we are!
Communists: Silly suspicious Mao. Of course we’d love to go!
GMD and CCP: *destroy the warlords*
Chiang Kai-Shek: Thanks, guys! Now, let me see - KILL ALL COMMUNISTS!!!
Communists: Uh-oh.
Mao: Told you so. But would you listen to me? Noooooooooooooo.
GMD: *Shanghai Massacre/White Terror/many communists die*
CCP: *flee*
Mao: We must fight back! But in the countryside, cause the peasants are the key.
CCP: WFT?
Mao: The peasants are the sea; we are the fish. The sea is our habitat!
CCP: If you say so. You were right about that other thing. *sets up Jiangxi Soviet*
GMD: AARRHHH KEEEL THEM AAALLLLLL!!!!!11!1!! Also, Chiang Kai-Shek is now Chairman of the Nationalist Government.
Chiang Kai-Shek: Thanks, guys. Now, CRUSH THEM!
Japan: *invades*
CCP: *fights back!* ps, Mao, we don’t really need you any more. You have odd ideas. You’re demoted.
Chiang Kai-Shek: Go away Japan, we’re busy killing Communists!
GMD: Um, how do we do that?
Chiang Kai-Shek: You know, I’m not sure. America, help!
American Military Person: Encircle them!
GMD: Okay! *does so*
CCP: Eeeep.
Mao: We must flee! Flee for our lives, to The Base Far Far Away Yanan!
CCP: But … we don’t want to run away!
Mao: Do it!
CCP: Yessir.
Long March: *takes a really, really long time*
Communists: Are we there yet?
Mao: No!
Communists: …how bout now?
Mao: No!
Communists: Now?
Mao: No!
Communists: …*die*
Mao: No! Okay, now we’re there.
CCP: Mao, you’re cool. You can be our leader!
Mao: Eeeexcellent. Anyone who doesn’t like me must be re-educated, cause there’s clearly something wrong with them! Oh, and be nice to the peasants cause they’re our meal-ticket to power! And use my special guerrilla tactics! Cause even after I’m dead, people will say what a good tactician I was.
CCP: Yes, sir!
Edgar Snow: I’m an American Communist Reporter! The CCP is wonderful!
America: He’s ours, he must be right! The CCP is cool! But we must back the GMD, cause they’re not communists. Here, guys, have weapons and money and advice!
Chiang Kai-Shek: *is captured by the Communists*
America: *facepalm* Dude, that’s not good.
China: Also, why were you hiding behind a rock in your pyjamas?
Chiang: Ummmmm…
Rest of the world: *facepalm*
Zhou Enlai: I’m Mao’s second-in-command! Chiang, be good and ally with us against the Japanese, and we won’t kill you. Also, if you do, we’ll be good after this and not rebel against you. We’ll be democratic and give you our army too!
Chiang Kai-Shek: Anything you say, just don’t kill me!
CCP and GMD: We are now the Second United Front
China: How original. Now go kill those invading Nips!
CCP: Chaaaaaaaaaaaaaarge!!!!!
Battle: *ensues*
CCP: Hey, GMD! Help!
GMD: Pardon? We didn’t hear you!
CCP Fourth Army: *dies*
CCP: Hey, meanies! We quit this United business!
GMD: It was your idea in the first place, ‘comrades’. Don’t blame us!
Mao: *grumps*
Japan: I’m cool and strong! *attacks Pearl Harbour*
America: Oi! That’s not on, buddy! *drops atomic bombs on Japan*
Japan: *surrenders*
China: Yay
GMD: *really, really sucks politically, economically and socially* Now we’re free to kill all the communists!
Peasants of China: Actually, we like them better than we like you. They’re nice and kind and generous and give us land and food. You’re stupid and corrupt and full of warring factions, you have no idea what you’re doing and you rely on America too much. And you don’t listen to anything we say. Go CCP!!
China: *is in civil war*
GMD: *has larger, better equipped army with no food and poor morale*
CCP: *has smaller, not very well equipped army with peasant support, better tactics and very high morale*
Mao: Let me hear it! When the enemy advances?
Red Army: We retreat!
Mao: When the enemy escapes?
Red Army: We harass!
Mao: When they retreat?
Red Army: We pursue.
Mao: When they tire
Red Army: We attack!
Many soldiers: *desert the GMD*
GMD: Hey! *is defeated*
Chiang Kai-Shek: *retires*
Mao: *is elected Chairman of the People’s Republic of China and of the Communist Party*
Chiang Kai-Shek: *moves to Taiwan*
Taiwan: We’re the true Republic of China! We love democracy and Chiang Kai-Shek!
CCP: We crush you!
America: No, I don’t think so.
Taiwan: Ha ha!
America: *glares*
Taiwan: Sorry.