Teardrops that burn holes in my heart...

[alannah]

So much shit...so little time. I dunno, my dog had puppies...they are so cute. School is over...summer has begun. Today I did a lot of thinking. I need to find new people and i need to learn my lessons. I decided I don't want to date anymore...at all. I don't want to get married, I don't want to have kids. I just don't feel like I am that type of person...I am destined to end up alone...which is good and bad. For the longest time I thought that I would confess my feelings but I have been there done that and after doing that so many times...I got worn out and you can try so hard but if its not meant to be its not meant to be. I just hate thinking lately because all I think about is how shitty I am sometimes...all the time. I feel so wrapped up in shit i haven't dealt with that I can't even set shit straight. I can see what I want but I don't think I should have it or can handle it. I love hanging out with my friends and all that but then I get to be by myself and its shocks me how much has changed. I guess its now that I realize that things aren't always other peoples faults. I sometimes get that feeling of lonliness and I remember how great it was having a boyfriend but then the pain creeps up and I'm greatful I don't have to go through it a third time and I finally understand that I am not meant to be like that. I had always thought that one day everything would come together but i just don't think that anymore. I dunno I guess this is all nonsense!! wll whatever thought I would update... Love you All!!

Love alwyas,
Alana Leah