(no subject)
Recently i have been doing a lot of thinking and have tried to work it into words, but am not sure if i will be totally successful. Currently the church that i have been attending this past year is going through transition beginning the search for a new minister. It is a process that interests me because it is something i have never been a part of before. The interim minister was describing what the process would entail both personally and as a congregation. So he has made me think.
When i moved out to Seattle, i looked to find the local Unitarian Church because i needed some place where i could be myself, be accepted, and belong. The SCA group was lousy and not overly friendly, i didn't really belong with any of my classmates that first semester (Mickey joined later) and i was lonely and depressed. From the first time i went to that church, i loved it. Jon's voice was amazing and he was from New England so understood how different Seattle was from home. Anything he said i loved listening to. The content of what he said was usually good too, but often i would find myself just listening to his voice. Alicia, the other minister, was equally wonderful. She also was a New Englander, and had such a soothing voice. Her services were usually much more emotional and she was such a caring sweet lady who was interested in everyone. The choir was phenomenal. Because there were well over 400 members, they had a large base from which to draw 30 or so really talented voices for the choir. It was just a really wonderful experience. I loved the hour a week of sitting in church, surrounded by friendly people who expected nothing of me while i listed to all these wonderful sounds and words. When Ron moved out he had said that he didn't expect that he would go regularly, but would take me while my knee was still healing, and he too got drawn into it. It was a really nice place.
In Providence, i haven't found that. Ron and i had done some looking and found the church that is a few blocks from here. It's not bad, but it isn't very good either. The former minister was a bit of a wimp and didn't have the same draw as Jon or Alicia. The number of people in attendance varies between 15 and 50 which means that the choir ranges between 4 and 8 people. They are good, but it lacks the same richness. The other thing that i don't like about it being so small is that they want you to be on a committee because there are so few people everyone has to be on a committee and i don't want to commit to that because i feel that this church is a temporary thing until Ron and i can find real permanent happy jobs and feel like making it more of a home. Besides, i don't fit in this congregation. In Seattle, there were so many people, i could comfortably remain more or less anonymous but have a connection with anyone sitting next to me. Here, there is never anyone sitting next to me and i just don't feel like i fit in. It is also a bit odd because, since Ron doesn't come with me, there is the assumption made that i am gay. It is far from the first time that people have thought that about me, it isn't the assumption that bothers me, but more the fact that they make it. Granted, in that particular group, being heterosexual puts me in the minority, but i would think that should make people more apt to ask than assume one way or the other.
Once i find a job that i want to keep, i will try again for a new and hopefully better church. I know i got spoiled in Seattle, but i do like the routine, quiet thinking spot, and weekly music that church provides, so i want to find a comfortable one rather than give up.
When i moved out to Seattle, i looked to find the local Unitarian Church because i needed some place where i could be myself, be accepted, and belong. The SCA group was lousy and not overly friendly, i didn't really belong with any of my classmates that first semester (Mickey joined later) and i was lonely and depressed. From the first time i went to that church, i loved it. Jon's voice was amazing and he was from New England so understood how different Seattle was from home. Anything he said i loved listening to. The content of what he said was usually good too, but often i would find myself just listening to his voice. Alicia, the other minister, was equally wonderful. She also was a New Englander, and had such a soothing voice. Her services were usually much more emotional and she was such a caring sweet lady who was interested in everyone. The choir was phenomenal. Because there were well over 400 members, they had a large base from which to draw 30 or so really talented voices for the choir. It was just a really wonderful experience. I loved the hour a week of sitting in church, surrounded by friendly people who expected nothing of me while i listed to all these wonderful sounds and words. When Ron moved out he had said that he didn't expect that he would go regularly, but would take me while my knee was still healing, and he too got drawn into it. It was a really nice place.
In Providence, i haven't found that. Ron and i had done some looking and found the church that is a few blocks from here. It's not bad, but it isn't very good either. The former minister was a bit of a wimp and didn't have the same draw as Jon or Alicia. The number of people in attendance varies between 15 and 50 which means that the choir ranges between 4 and 8 people. They are good, but it lacks the same richness. The other thing that i don't like about it being so small is that they want you to be on a committee because there are so few people everyone has to be on a committee and i don't want to commit to that because i feel that this church is a temporary thing until Ron and i can find real permanent happy jobs and feel like making it more of a home. Besides, i don't fit in this congregation. In Seattle, there were so many people, i could comfortably remain more or less anonymous but have a connection with anyone sitting next to me. Here, there is never anyone sitting next to me and i just don't feel like i fit in. It is also a bit odd because, since Ron doesn't come with me, there is the assumption made that i am gay. It is far from the first time that people have thought that about me, it isn't the assumption that bothers me, but more the fact that they make it. Granted, in that particular group, being heterosexual puts me in the minority, but i would think that should make people more apt to ask than assume one way or the other.
Once i find a job that i want to keep, i will try again for a new and hopefully better church. I know i got spoiled in Seattle, but i do like the routine, quiet thinking spot, and weekly music that church provides, so i want to find a comfortable one rather than give up.