it's been a shitty couple of days

[alanis_aero15]

i feel like complete shit. it's been like that for 3 days. it's really sad that in 3 days only 2 people have noticed how i feel. i don't think austin would have known except i kinda blew up at him & rick in gym. i shouldnt take it out on them but they happended to be standing there. it was an accident. then i sorta talked to rick while we were doing this stupid work out video & he tried to make me laugh but i really didnt feel like laughing. i dont think he really cared but austin kinda pushed him into caring thinking it would help. i appriciate the thought. austin is really sweet but i'm honestly surprised he even cares. i haven't really talked to him a lot in the past 2 years. i just know stuff that went on between him & kati that really is none of my business. brian is the only other person that even noticed me. he always notices though. he always knows just how i feel even when i try to hide it. i guess that's how best friends work. i dont know really but i like to think he really does care & one day he will try to do something about it. for now at least i know he cares enough to notice right away when i'm upset. the whole thing started with something nick said the other day at school. i like nick as a friend & everything but he can be complete jerk sometimes. like this week. also vinnie & marcus are 'friendly' & it scares me cuz i set them up not expecting them to hit it off like this. at least not this quick. megan is now dating zack, who is so oversexed it scares me. if he hurts her so help me god he will know the true meaning of pain. i've had to watch kylee all this week so i have had minimal sleep. jason went to court. it turned out good but i still really nervous that barb will run with the kids. jamie & chris split up just when i found out my grandma is the one tutoring him. kati & mannix are driving me crazy. mostly kati. dylan & kyle are my teddy bears. i can hug them & pretend the rest of the world isn't real. brian is my rock. he is the only thing that has kept me from having new self-caused injuries to show all the kiddies. i got a call from danny that he's throwing andrew a surprise b-day party & would like me to attend. i'll probably go & get so plastered i can't see straight. yea what fun...............i promised austin i'd stay away from anything sharp, matches, lighters, ropes, & guns or anything else that goes boom. not to mention i'm on a diet & have only been eating maybe 1 meal a day. i feel so sick right now.

so have a shit filled weekend kids.