roller coaster of love
last night Ian and I went to Cafe Deluxe for half price bottle of wine night. Dinner was excellent, but once we got to my house to pick up a few things to take to his house, we both feel asleep. This was something I did not want to do. I woke up and got into my bed where the covers are because I was really cold. Ian woke up 30 seconds after me doing so, and was ready to go. I, in the process of warming myself up, was not. He waited for less than a min and then impatiently said he was going to the car and stomped off. Stunned and still cold, I quickly became angry because at that moment it hit me that he really needs to become accustomed to not having every moment revolve around him. Maybe I feel this way because I am always at his house, or maybe it is because I am torn over the fact that I want to spend time being near the person I moved up here for, but yet want to spend some quality time at the place I pay rent. Last time I checked a storage unit should not cost $750/month. After contemplating internally too much, I finally told him that I was angry. He said he was sorry and that he realized that he had been incredibly impatient. As we lay there on the brink of falling asleep, I realized that the weight in my chest had returned. I asked him if everything were ok, because I thought that maybe it was some sort of negative energy from him. He said of course in a reassuring tone, and it was then I realized that my 4th chakra is completely aching because I am holding back too much. But honestly, how I am supposed to allow myself to feel so deeply at such a young age?