(no subject)

[alan_aka_flash]

Hey every one. Ok so update on today. woke up today went to school the usual. But after school i went home for a little and the went to the float burning party. This was what i was looking forward to all day. I was going to hang out with sydney. So when i got there me a lauran collected money and went and got pizza. Then when we got back i call Sydney. she told me to come get her. so i made lauran go. Well turns out when we got there she was high. Apperently she Stole weed from her dad and smoked in the 15 minutes it took us to come get her. THAT PISSED ME OFF. ok when your doing it with friends thats one thing. but when your steelingit from your parents and smoking up by yourself just to feel good about your day you have an issue. So when we got to kaites. i bitched her out. Twice. i was pissed. My girlfriend went from causal smoker to having an addiction problem. At that time i wanted nothing more than to never see her agian. But i started thinking. I cant do that. Do you know why. For my reasons. I can't stand being alone. And right now sydney is the only one that will hug me and tell me they love me. Sounds sappy, I know. My biggest fear in life is being alone. Sydney is the only thing proventing that. But it changes daily. I hate her so much at times. but i love her so much that i can't tell her that. I just don't think she knows how much i love her. I gave up every thing for her. My best friends. My band. That was my life. That's all i new. I just new that had changed and i wanted to be with her and suppoet her in every way possible. And at the time i thought i could. Now i realise i can't. I cried over this when i got home. I haven't really cired in ten years. Well since my brother moved to wisconsin. I just want her to have every thing and the help she needs to get better. So in the mean time i'm going to try and find something to give her for sweetist day. I don't have any money so i'll probley make something. I just hope she likes it and it spreads a little happiness in her life for a little bit. I would give her the world if i could, If it came down to it i would take my life for her.

I just want you to know this. I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANY ONE WILL EVER. MORE THAN YOUR PARENTS, FAMILY, FRIENDS, DOG, TEACHERS, YOUR MEAN MANAGERS, OR ANY ONE ELSE. I JUST WANT US HAPPY WITH EACH OTHER AGIAN. THE WAY IT WAS IN THE BEGINING. IM GOING TO TRY AND MAKE IT THE WAY IT WAS.

I love you
Alan William Mercier