Lament to the end of college.
21:23 26/05/2006
youre over.
we left college today, you cant grasp it yet but youve been on the verge of tears and sleep all day. the only tiime you cried was in the toilets at prezzo, but that was only perpetuated by leaving your life, not because of it. you were upset at the fact youve never fitted in or belonged to any group of people your whole life, and its been youre personal fault every time. you segrigate yourself, and you know why? its because youre too hopeful and eager to expand away from peoples genericism, you want to do so many thnigs you dont have time to just be nice. you also dont know or trust yourself and youre losing many experiences and people because of it.
goodbye my year of happiness and expensive friends, ill miss you very very much, i owe you alot, youre very lovely and comfortable, i am you people.
cowell you tought me so, i changed through understanding you and your ways. you tought me coke, and how to be humble. i realised a great many thins in russia, and you answered my unanswerable worries. the answer is to shutup. the answer is most definitly to shut up. thank you cowell.
pete, my love, god only knows your the purest and most clean person ive had the pleasure of being friends with. i know youll get what you want. we expanded our political ideologies together, your humble marxist ways and billy brag/ bob dylan/ patty smith politics make you so loveable. your anger reflect myself, i feel ive contributed to you, and that makes me happy, thank you for being influenced by me, i want to protect you. much much love and thought.
fern, it took so long, your so closed off, but i want to carry on, i never spent enough time on my own with you. im sorry. sexy weasel, pub thursdays and liberalism and feminism. youre my red wine oddity, ill miss you so much, keep in contact, and strive.
rosie, im so sorry for treating you badly, the car journeys and first year when we only had each other, im so glad we found the people we found, although i doubt we would be the people we are today if we didnt endure it. the first day and katrinas leech, oh god the first summer, it was such an empty year, the world has most definitly turned, i am changed over a million within a year. destruction breed creation. i left the old people, not just ashcombe, but kappo and steve and banks and the college people, and i found no one, i found a part of myself which i coloured in throughout the second year. im sorry, im happy.
mrs m, youre and insane teacher, but you inspired me for a short while, when i thought i knew things. second year was a shambles, but fuck it, you are one woman who is clear to me, and youre pretty funny sometimes, thank you for adding to my wonderful experiences within the institution.
dan you cunt, why did you leave, you left at the worst time, you left when you should have stayed, and when you were there, we didnt fuck about enough, i need to see you more. youre most likely going to be one of the few people i will see. maybe thats what people should do with the ones they need, see them little, because then its not a shock when theyre not there. god. i dont know what im doing.
ailie you know i think youre the person i would be life time friends with had i known you since we were small. i think you know me a little. youre so good nice but they dont do you justice. your mother is wonderful, your angry abuse is refreshingly safe to me, and i dont fear for your future like pete, i want you ton remember me. stick around. scotland scotland. and CATS! oh russia oh russia, churches with four sides needs no better purpose than to be the catalyst for something i wont ever forget. ill sell you my wife for twelve cats, i promise.
joe. joe, you... i dont remember you being such a good person, we never had any time for each other all throughout ashcombe,i want to forget that school, it did little for my memories. why has it taken us until now to know each other? i dont think there could be a better time for this, and i think if we knew each other at any other time it wooldnt be as appreciated, look after yourself mate. look out for me, keep well.
thomas. im glad in met you, youre an original soul, sometimes i see you like pete, innocent, but youre clever, not that he isnt. your another clear strand of person, i always appreciated your words time and respect, kill the prodigy, i wish i could have said all these things in peoples yearbooks, man, ill miss so much.
scott, i dont want to override it, first year was a lonely place, and we made it safe for each other, i grew out of it and i see you as left behind. your a good soul though, please dont make silly mistakes, its my duty as not-you to say so, i know im likely to fall into the pit myself but you know you cant advise yourself. im sorry for arguing all the time. goodbye, good luck.
my words. all of you, jenny, tom seer, the concieved people, initial impressions and how drastically theyve all changed. canteen pasta, jon and keith. fuck, all those people who couldnt or wouldnt ride it out: ryan and ali, ruth, dan. dan. what happened to your first year english class, maynard the dope addict.
trown, benjamin. oh promiscuous lovely, ironically your overtly sexual nature makes me feel comfortable being around you, you have the sense which controls your penis, you have been a very true friend, i think possibly i will miss you like ailie, thank you for having me, i appreciate your time and knowledge muchly. good luck, prosper oh wizard of all things abnormal. thank you for the cat merch from the british museum too, the pencil case, for some reason, makes me very sad as the prospect of having to use it is only available in university. much byes and cares.
my dearest darling beautiful man. you, you were, and i adore, and i am happy, and i cant think of anything better to say. x
i just remembered, the work, the physical creativity you were forced into creating.
you wrote a desctiption of a girl in red wellies on a beautiful rainy sunny day taking empty glass bottles through medows to her secret haven in the forest to create wonderful environments for faeries.
you made a film expressing the emotional ride of college and youthdom. god, that piece holds so many more meanings now than you thought it did when you made it.
you found your typewriter and produced the amount of letters you should be producing for a while.you descovered your political orientation, and concreted many many morals, you sort of know who you are not, now its not so far to work out partially what you are.
youre over.
we left college today, you cant grasp it yet but youve been on the verge of tears and sleep all day. the only tiime you cried was in the toilets at prezzo, but that was only perpetuated by leaving your life, not because of it. you were upset at the fact youve never fitted in or belonged to any group of people your whole life, and its been youre personal fault every time. you segrigate yourself, and you know why? its because youre too hopeful and eager to expand away from peoples genericism, you want to do so many thnigs you dont have time to just be nice. you also dont know or trust yourself and youre losing many experiences and people because of it.
goodbye my year of happiness and expensive friends, ill miss you very very much, i owe you alot, youre very lovely and comfortable, i am you people.
cowell you tought me so, i changed through understanding you and your ways. you tought me coke, and how to be humble. i realised a great many thins in russia, and you answered my unanswerable worries. the answer is to shutup. the answer is most definitly to shut up. thank you cowell.
pete, my love, god only knows your the purest and most clean person ive had the pleasure of being friends with. i know youll get what you want. we expanded our political ideologies together, your humble marxist ways and billy brag/ bob dylan/ patty smith politics make you so loveable. your anger reflect myself, i feel ive contributed to you, and that makes me happy, thank you for being influenced by me, i want to protect you. much much love and thought.
fern, it took so long, your so closed off, but i want to carry on, i never spent enough time on my own with you. im sorry. sexy weasel, pub thursdays and liberalism and feminism. youre my red wine oddity, ill miss you so much, keep in contact, and strive.
rosie, im so sorry for treating you badly, the car journeys and first year when we only had each other, im so glad we found the people we found, although i doubt we would be the people we are today if we didnt endure it. the first day and katrinas leech, oh god the first summer, it was such an empty year, the world has most definitly turned, i am changed over a million within a year. destruction breed creation. i left the old people, not just ashcombe, but kappo and steve and banks and the college people, and i found no one, i found a part of myself which i coloured in throughout the second year. im sorry, im happy.
mrs m, youre and insane teacher, but you inspired me for a short while, when i thought i knew things. second year was a shambles, but fuck it, you are one woman who is clear to me, and youre pretty funny sometimes, thank you for adding to my wonderful experiences within the institution.
dan you cunt, why did you leave, you left at the worst time, you left when you should have stayed, and when you were there, we didnt fuck about enough, i need to see you more. youre most likely going to be one of the few people i will see. maybe thats what people should do with the ones they need, see them little, because then its not a shock when theyre not there. god. i dont know what im doing.
ailie you know i think youre the person i would be life time friends with had i known you since we were small. i think you know me a little. youre so good nice but they dont do you justice. your mother is wonderful, your angry abuse is refreshingly safe to me, and i dont fear for your future like pete, i want you ton remember me. stick around. scotland scotland. and CATS! oh russia oh russia, churches with four sides needs no better purpose than to be the catalyst for something i wont ever forget. ill sell you my wife for twelve cats, i promise.
joe. joe, you... i dont remember you being such a good person, we never had any time for each other all throughout ashcombe,i want to forget that school, it did little for my memories. why has it taken us until now to know each other? i dont think there could be a better time for this, and i think if we knew each other at any other time it wooldnt be as appreciated, look after yourself mate. look out for me, keep well.
thomas. im glad in met you, youre an original soul, sometimes i see you like pete, innocent, but youre clever, not that he isnt. your another clear strand of person, i always appreciated your words time and respect, kill the prodigy, i wish i could have said all these things in peoples yearbooks, man, ill miss so much.
scott, i dont want to override it, first year was a lonely place, and we made it safe for each other, i grew out of it and i see you as left behind. your a good soul though, please dont make silly mistakes, its my duty as not-you to say so, i know im likely to fall into the pit myself but you know you cant advise yourself. im sorry for arguing all the time. goodbye, good luck.
my words. all of you, jenny, tom seer, the concieved people, initial impressions and how drastically theyve all changed. canteen pasta, jon and keith. fuck, all those people who couldnt or wouldnt ride it out: ryan and ali, ruth, dan. dan. what happened to your first year english class, maynard the dope addict.
trown, benjamin. oh promiscuous lovely, ironically your overtly sexual nature makes me feel comfortable being around you, you have the sense which controls your penis, you have been a very true friend, i think possibly i will miss you like ailie, thank you for having me, i appreciate your time and knowledge muchly. good luck, prosper oh wizard of all things abnormal. thank you for the cat merch from the british museum too, the pencil case, for some reason, makes me very sad as the prospect of having to use it is only available in university. much byes and cares.
my dearest darling beautiful man. you, you were, and i adore, and i am happy, and i cant think of anything better to say. x
i just remembered, the work, the physical creativity you were forced into creating.
you wrote a desctiption of a girl in red wellies on a beautiful rainy sunny day taking empty glass bottles through medows to her secret haven in the forest to create wonderful environments for faeries.
you made a film expressing the emotional ride of college and youthdom. god, that piece holds so many more meanings now than you thought it did when you made it.
you found your typewriter and produced the amount of letters you should be producing for a while.you descovered your political orientation, and concreted many many morals, you sort of know who you are not, now its not so far to work out partially what you are.