(no subject)
this isn't good.
vincent was put on a continued waitlist, tho the class filled up.
of course he is devastated. pissed. bitter. sarcastic. wallowing in his feelings of hurt, anger, and "incompetence" and self-deprecation.
i don't know what to do and he won't tell me. some day he's going to say to me, "you were no help" and all i am going to say to that is "i didn't know what to do and you gave me no clues. if you had told me i would have done anything."
he feeds me some sarcasm that i obviously don't like. because of my own personality, i feel like it's a bit of a stab. but since i don't know what to say i send him back a frowny face and he goes fuck it goodnight.
WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!
WHAT DO YOU EXPECT OF ME!?
i can tell he will be like this for weeks, if not months. i have no idea how i'm going to survive it. even before this i felt slightly unappreciated and now it's going to increase to disrespected and resented/spited. he's already being a little spiteful to me and i just write it off as being upset about columbia.
the thing that bothers me is WHY it is SO important to him. His answers; it's a fantastic school and i can take more classes than i do at nyu. then he goes on to bash nyu. (no biggie, but nyu's poor rigor/atmosphere doesn't really contribute to columbia's superior quality)
i guess i can't understand because i'm not very competitive. i can see why people want to go to those schools; better rep, and in a lot of cases better job and better money. but i'm not stupid. how many can those universities serve? not enough. their quality is pretty much based on reputation. they aren't the monoliths they are cracked up to be. and their rep is self-perpetuating now.
it's not worth trying. you can get a similar education at any number of tier 2 schools. and there are a LOT of those. as for the rest, there are a lot of people out there who are happy to attend these still-good schools some students would die rather than even consider.
there are too many people in the system for ANYONE to expect ANYTHING from a top tier school. i think he did know that his chances of rejection were extremely high. But it's still like the end of his world.
things i want to say; grow up. accept it and move on. if you hate nyu so much and columbia is unattainable, the next logical conclusion would be transfer. but he won't, because all the other schools in the area aren't on the same level.
this tells me the reputation is what he REALLY cares about.
the rigor is what you make it. sure, rigor at columbia is higher. but it's easily achieved at many schools besides columbia. schools other than nyu will allow you to take more than 4 classes, and probably offer more of the challenging ones.
to me, college is what you make it.
it may seems hypocritical coming from me, the girl who turned antisocial halfway thru and is living in an apt next year to get away from all the other people. but i know it's my own actions that led to those things. i accept that i failed at getting away from my previous lifestyle and mindset. i fell back into it. sometimes i cry a lot about it because i failed at changing and my parents know it, but then i get a hold of myself and tell myself i can change. i can try harder. i have ups and downs.
i feel like we're very far apart right now. this experience is telling me more about him. i feel like we're very different people with very different values. i'm not sure how long we'll be together.
besides, honestly- i'd prefer if he didn't become a neurosurgeon. they work long hours during long residencies. they always have lots of patients because there are so few of them, so they are busy. when will i see him? when will we hang out? travel? start a family- together. if we have kids, they'll barely know him. during his residency i'll rarely see him. they say many of them quit early. say he does that. suddenly we're two strangers living together.
i feel like he fell down this pit and he'll never come out and i can't do anything to help.
vincent was put on a continued waitlist, tho the class filled up.
of course he is devastated. pissed. bitter. sarcastic. wallowing in his feelings of hurt, anger, and "incompetence" and self-deprecation.
i don't know what to do and he won't tell me. some day he's going to say to me, "you were no help" and all i am going to say to that is "i didn't know what to do and you gave me no clues. if you had told me i would have done anything."
he feeds me some sarcasm that i obviously don't like. because of my own personality, i feel like it's a bit of a stab. but since i don't know what to say i send him back a frowny face and he goes fuck it goodnight.
WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!
WHAT DO YOU EXPECT OF ME!?
i can tell he will be like this for weeks, if not months. i have no idea how i'm going to survive it. even before this i felt slightly unappreciated and now it's going to increase to disrespected and resented/spited. he's already being a little spiteful to me and i just write it off as being upset about columbia.
the thing that bothers me is WHY it is SO important to him. His answers; it's a fantastic school and i can take more classes than i do at nyu. then he goes on to bash nyu. (no biggie, but nyu's poor rigor/atmosphere doesn't really contribute to columbia's superior quality)
i guess i can't understand because i'm not very competitive. i can see why people want to go to those schools; better rep, and in a lot of cases better job and better money. but i'm not stupid. how many can those universities serve? not enough. their quality is pretty much based on reputation. they aren't the monoliths they are cracked up to be. and their rep is self-perpetuating now.
it's not worth trying. you can get a similar education at any number of tier 2 schools. and there are a LOT of those. as for the rest, there are a lot of people out there who are happy to attend these still-good schools some students would die rather than even consider.
there are too many people in the system for ANYONE to expect ANYTHING from a top tier school. i think he did know that his chances of rejection were extremely high. But it's still like the end of his world.
things i want to say; grow up. accept it and move on. if you hate nyu so much and columbia is unattainable, the next logical conclusion would be transfer. but he won't, because all the other schools in the area aren't on the same level.
this tells me the reputation is what he REALLY cares about.
the rigor is what you make it. sure, rigor at columbia is higher. but it's easily achieved at many schools besides columbia. schools other than nyu will allow you to take more than 4 classes, and probably offer more of the challenging ones.
to me, college is what you make it.
it may seems hypocritical coming from me, the girl who turned antisocial halfway thru and is living in an apt next year to get away from all the other people. but i know it's my own actions that led to those things. i accept that i failed at getting away from my previous lifestyle and mindset. i fell back into it. sometimes i cry a lot about it because i failed at changing and my parents know it, but then i get a hold of myself and tell myself i can change. i can try harder. i have ups and downs.
i feel like we're very far apart right now. this experience is telling me more about him. i feel like we're very different people with very different values. i'm not sure how long we'll be together.
besides, honestly- i'd prefer if he didn't become a neurosurgeon. they work long hours during long residencies. they always have lots of patients because there are so few of them, so they are busy. when will i see him? when will we hang out? travel? start a family- together. if we have kids, they'll barely know him. during his residency i'll rarely see him. they say many of them quit early. say he does that. suddenly we're two strangers living together.
i feel like he fell down this pit and he'll never come out and i can't do anything to help.