Update? Update
1. Cat is improving/has improved. He recently went in to have his nails trimmed and they asked if I wanted to treat his hyper thyroidism which was what was found in his last labs. I am firmly saying no because of his age. Treating him for it will just stress him out and I want his last time with me to be as calm as possible. Once he starts declining, then I will discuss putting him down. For now, we're just taking it day by day. Vet did say that he's going to keep eating without gaining weight -- which I have been cautious about feeding him as often as he wants to, but hey this is apparently his normal. He now gets three feedings of wet food, so many treats, and about half a cup of dry food. He's behaving normally aside from wanting all the food though being more cuddly though that might be just down to the fact that the temps dropped drastically. We're just doing day by day, playing it by ear. His food bill is ridiculous right now, but then so is my food so eh.
2. Speaking of food! I managed to finally pick up my testosterone prescription so puberty 2.0 is moving ahead. And like my cat I want all the food. Which is getting ridiculous in these inflation days. Ugh. Overall I don't think outwardly I can see any differences yet, but I can feel my muscles and fat shifting. I've got my follow up scheduled for January and I am going to discuss a higher dose. I'm only at a small amount right now so it should get cleared for a higher dose. Luckily the provider I see for my HRT is very much in the camp of trusting the patient knowing what they want so yay.
3. Walk through with my therapist in discussing how my parents influenced my gender and even how I viewed my own body and weight has led to a greater comfort with myself and how I would like to present to the world. Having already walked through so much about how badly my parents fucked me over, this wasn't anything that threw me or anything which is good. I was able to hold the pieces and just add it to the flaming pile of the wtaf this is not what you do to kids or treat them and another reason why I don't talk to them anymore. Last weekend I took Monday and Tuesday off (Tuesday being a vet appointment and I knew I could use the break so yeah let's take the time!) and I was able to do more sitting with my identity. My journey now is me having an appointment with a plastic surgeon for a consult on top surgery. I haven't changed what my gender is, but rather become more accepting of how I feel happiest day to day. My default presentation actually falls more to the masc end of things. I was kind of freaking out about even getting the consult because as I work in a doctor's office I knew the kind of BS one had to go through to get to the plastic surgeon that would be cheapest and easiest to get to (ie needing a letter from a pscyh with a phd who had been treating the patient for a year for gender dysphoria!) When I brought this up to my pcp she said uh no that guy is not actually not affirming I'm going to send you to this place which is an hour's drive (other place was about 40 minutes) and is still within network. I looked at my options with insurance during open enrollment this month and added on a few that would likely help me best even during the recovery if I'm right about coverage for that kind of surgery. I don't know that my insurance would even cover even a fraction of the cost, but we shall find out. The other part of course was wtf do I do about therapy if I need a letter because I really really like my therapist, but she doesn't have a phd and she isn't treating me for gender dysphoria and also I don't want to have to start over with a new therapist, running the risk of course of having some fuck head that would said no actually I'm female, I just have gotten it all mixed up because of the trauma. And of course the fact that finding any therapist not just one with a phd is hard as fuck right now. We have so many of our patients who are going without mental health care because of the increased need and shortage of professionals. I am hoping that the place I am referred to doesn't require the letter. I am surprised though as they had an opening for me in the second week of December (which is really good all things considered since their surgeons are there only three days a week). My appointment is actually 12/20. I tried to work it so it happened on a day when I had another appointment but no luck. Oh well. That means I can focus entirely on just this. Plus the hour long drive ugh. (It's also! In another state. Madness.)
4. Car is on it's last breath. The engine works great! But now in addition to the power steering pump and the compression hoses, there's an oil leak, I think one of the belts is going, and something in the rear end likes to go clunk-clunk once in a while. I am giving up. It'll keep running as long as I put oil in it or something serious breaks which I mean it's a 2000 Toyota so eh. I'm just gonna look at used car options in the next 6 months or so.
5. Work is good, but I am in the midst of pay/position negotiations. My job position did get a "market increase" on top of the company's annual 2% inflation increase, but it's just -- the work I do in my day to day has me straddling the line between regular admin and management which in my old job is called a shift lead without management responsibilities like keys or scheduling or pay roll. In this company that means you end up assistant manager which includes helping with scheduling and pay roll. I apparently sit solidly in the mid range for my position and they are not willing to make any concession to pay me any more, but they are willing to find the money to make me the practice lead. *eye roll* All I want is the high end of my job which should be about $1.50 more an hour which they won't shell out for, but they are willing to shell out for at least $5 if I aim higher. (I hate corporate ladders.) I've got a meeting with a union rep to see what advice they can offer me and then have to talk with my managers again and see how we can solve this to everyone's satisfaction. My manager's manager big thing is that she wants to invest the money in me only if I am willing to grow with the company. ARGH. Headache headache headache. I might just have to lay out all of my concerns and how I feel I can meet them halfway especially since my direct manager says that for her part she wouldn't want me to do anything other than what I am doing so it looks like we're all gonna have to figure this out with me leading the way. I'm going to have to look at more figures to find out what the bare minimum I would accept for pay including salary vs hourly and reasons why. I am tired. (The one good thing that did come out of my meeting with my manager was when she told me that the person who had the position before me -- it wasn't clear what all she did all day which to be honest was way obvious to me from the get go so that's some ice vindication.) I am also going to think hard on what I would need for accommodations so I am clear on those if this is how we move forward -- I have some vague idea as those are the ones I have been putting to the side so I was actually doing both jobs. It's just very ARGH
6. Bills remain on track yay. Bit tight what with the fucking inflation and life generally, but still making it work. Have got nearly all of the presents sorted out with a few exceptions. Figured out my own, too :D