maybe or maybe not

[aladdwright]

so> i had a journal. The perfect one. written out and then i lose it. So now this one is going to suck. really bad. so where do i start. I feel like i am going no where. like at a stand point in my life. I feel my feet trying to move forward, but they wont. i see where i am supposed to be at, and what I am supposed to be thinking, but I am really far behind. i find that freinds talk about me behind my back. some of them blew my mind away. they say nice things to your face. they smile at you and are all nice to you and ask how you are doing but then they go and talk about you behind your back. why? why be hypocrites and talk about me behind my back. oh well. life is like that. you have those that talk about you behind your back wherever you go in life. why am i such a nice person. I love everyone and accept them for who they are and try to be nice to them. i dont judge them. i find only nice things to say about them and don't look for faults. but those that I thought i were getting close to find faults in me. i call a freind. freind never calls back. freind ignores me today. did i do something wrong? I wish freind would just tell me. I dont think I did. i feel as God is laying upon my heart someethings. should I speak on a wendsday> prolly noot people wouldn get mind at what i say. but then again it is all about God. not about me. freinds are treating me different. they seem like they don't want to be around me. did i miss the memo of if you want to stay my freind then sign up by this date? it seems like i did. they talk to me. they say hi and how are you doing but you can tell its only small talk and that they are only doing it because they don't want you to think that they don't want to be around you. its okay really. i understand. just tell me. and i will leave you alone. Ken says that maybe its just a phrase. well its a phrase i dont like. They just need to have time to get to know you. i hear. well how long is long. how much time. you see i need to know. i have to make my descion shortly. i need to know. you think you know who I am talking about but you dont. i am not writing this for people to read really. but you can if you wont. you prolly wont leave a comment but just know you are welcomed too. say what you want. people say that I care too much about what people think of you. i dont. i just like to know so that if im not wanted ill just pack my bags up and move out. i dont have to stick here. i can make it on my own. ive done it before! so. yea. this isnt the Christain attiude but its what i feel right now. i love someone but i feel as though im not supposed to be dating. why. i love this gurl. she is everything to me but yet again. im not responding. she is going to move off to college and slip out of my hands. i hope that there isnt just one person out there for you or else i will be single forever. who knows? MAYBE God doesnt want me to be married and horray. thats okay. all i want to be in Gods will. I am happy as long as I know I am in GODS WILL. he matters more then anyone or anything. i know this post is going to tick certain people off and i will prolly lose a freind. im thinking of right now. but oh well. its what i feel and a wise person once told me that i need a lending ear too. i need to talk about my problems too. (wise person you know who you are. your picture was pretty) well. guys and gals I gots to go. I do love you. i know i havent known you but only 4 months now but thats ok becuase i still love you . feel welcome to comment if you want. if not oh well. i miss camp. I find myself thinking of how things used to be. why can't they be that way any more. well i am falling asleep for my nap so i betta go. love yas. God Bless David Wright.

p.s. grammer was not used in this entry .
p.s.s. this entry is not mean to hurt anyones feelings. this post is meant to get thing off my chest so i can start moving forward. bye bye. now. i am finally moving forward. yay.