I hurt my finger today, so this really hurts to type...
...but I really need to grouse about this and could use some advice from the 2-3 of you that still actively use this thing and know me well enough to give me a straight answer that not only might help me get a good perspective on things, but also give me some encouragement.
No, this is not about the Red Sox's most recent losing streak (which ended tonight...after being swept by the worst team in baseball...but I digress).
So I went out with this girl the other night. We met via Facebook...oh, sorry, I'll give the short version of how: I joined a network ("Lowell," since it was closer than Worcester and Boston for me) and clicked random profiles, coming across one that listed 10 Things I Hate About You in the part about favorite movies. I dropped her a message complimenting her taste (I like the movie, thought it was a riot and still do). She friend requested me and, since she also had a MySpace, I returned the favor with a message including my AIM sn if she ever wanted to chat. She IMed me and we played tag online for a couple days due to differing times being available, but finally spoke for a while Monday night. Did the whole life-story-in-brief thing, during which I mentioned that I am a fan of and frequently play poker. She said she wanted to learn how to play Texas Hold'em and I offered to show her if we ever hung out. She said she was leaving for Myrtle Beach on Friday (today...well, yesterday technically) for a week, but that she was free on Tuesday (the next night, not in a few days). Since she was from the town right next to where I work, we met up nearby and proceeded to have a great night. I taught her the basics of that type of poker and a few tips, we went and played pool, and then grabbed an ice cream at Friendly's. She told me that I reminded her of a combination of a lot of her friends and that she should introduce me to them. I asked if she'd be willing to do something again and she said she'd like to. We parted and I went home.
Upon arriving, I IMed her to thank her for the fun night out and said that if we did anything when she got back, it might be cool for her to check out my area of the Bay State. Seeing as how she had jury duty the next morning for the first time ever, I also suggested that she indicate that she didn't like certain types of people if she didn't want to get picked (bias and all that), but did so jokingly with a :) icon.
There was no response that night or the next morning. At some point later that day, I sent her a txt asking how the jury duty went or was going...and never heard back. When I got home, she was online but idle and had been so for nearly 16 hours, so I commented that she must have had a busy day (you know, a jumping off point for a conversation if she returned later that night while I was still around). Again, no response.
Guessing she'd been really busy prepping for the trip, I thought I'd try saying hi over the phone during my lunch break. I'd called her the day we went out to confirm and she recognized my number from our previous conversation and even txt'd me later to find out where I was. However, when I called I got her voicemail and I was leaving a quick message, I received a txt from her asking, "Who is this?" Confused, I responded with that information and said I was just saying hello and if she wanted to talk to give me a call in a couple hours when I went on my lunch break. I heard nothing.
When I got home, she still wasn't online and had suddenly vanished from my friends on MySpace...but was still there on Facebook. Starting to suspect that outside forces were at work, I messaged her through Facebook with an account of the strangeness from earlier and said that I'd talk to her when she got back from her trip. I went to a friend's place and, due to a nagging feeling in the back of my mind, punched-up her screenname on his buddy list...and there she was, on for 6 hours but idle. Now I was kinda ticked. I mean, if she didn't enjoy herself and didn't want to see me again, why say all that? And it's not like I was overagressive afterward. A couple relatively neutral IMs and a single txt message? Come on! After having such a fun night out together, is that really that much that fast?
While I fought the urge to do so for as long as possible, I eventually decided that I couldn't wait a week or more to figure out what the hell was going on. After all, if she wasn't interested that was time I would lose by waiting. So I txt'd her one last time, apologizing if I'd somehow been misunderstood or offended her in any way (I'll admit I was slightly not sober, so it was probably a dumb idea on my part, but still) to see if it would elicit a response.
It did.
I received a txt saying, "I don't really want to be mean, but I don't think this is going to work out." Well, it actually was typed a lot more poorly than that (which was unusual since she had been perfect in the previous couple times when we went out), but I was stunned. I mean...what the fuck? I did everything I was supposed to: thanked her for a fun time out, made a suggestion for a future plan without making it sound like I was ready to introduce her as my girlfriend to people (I wasn't, we went out once and I don't even know if it should be classified as a date), and even checked-in a couple days later.
After spending 4 hours with someone and telling them you want them to meet your friends and that you'd like to do something with them again, I don't think that's the sort of attention that would freak someone out.
Anyway, I responded by saying that that was okay if that's what she wanted, but I was curious as to why. When she didn't respond within a few minutes, I sent one more thanking her for a fun night and saying I was sorry that it sounded like it would be the only one of its kind between us and to take care.
So I'm sitting here, 72 hours after having a really fun night out with a girl that was pretty, smart, and seemed to really enjoy my company wondering what the hell went wrong. I have theories about who may have actually been behind the curtain (her best friend is a guy, so maybe he really likes her and has access to stuff and is trying to sabotage it, which might explain why she's still listed as a friend on Facebook if he doesn't have a password, or maybe her mother, whom she agreed might freak out if she learned her daughter went out with a guy she met on the Internet). But, more probably, it was her (at least in the end, if not at first) and it was probably because of something I did or said either right before she got out of the car or in the next couple days while trying to remain friendly without being overbearing.
So, to those of you out there who know better on this sort of thing, enlighten me. And answer me this question: do I just let it go or do I try her one last time after she gets back and has been back for a week or so if I haven't heard from her by then? Is it better for me to say okay and mean it or is it worth one last hurrah to see if I can somehow get ahold of her and explain my side of things?
It's not even that she's apparently not interested that bothers me so much as the sudden wall that was put up and the lack of explanation. I'm at a loss and would like to know and, seeing as how I may not get it from her, I'm hoping the members of the congregation can fill me in here.
Thanks.
GO SOX!
No, this is not about the Red Sox's most recent losing streak (which ended tonight...after being swept by the worst team in baseball...but I digress).
So I went out with this girl the other night. We met via Facebook...oh, sorry, I'll give the short version of how: I joined a network ("Lowell," since it was closer than Worcester and Boston for me) and clicked random profiles, coming across one that listed 10 Things I Hate About You in the part about favorite movies. I dropped her a message complimenting her taste (I like the movie, thought it was a riot and still do). She friend requested me and, since she also had a MySpace, I returned the favor with a message including my AIM sn if she ever wanted to chat. She IMed me and we played tag online for a couple days due to differing times being available, but finally spoke for a while Monday night. Did the whole life-story-in-brief thing, during which I mentioned that I am a fan of and frequently play poker. She said she wanted to learn how to play Texas Hold'em and I offered to show her if we ever hung out. She said she was leaving for Myrtle Beach on Friday (today...well, yesterday technically) for a week, but that she was free on Tuesday (the next night, not in a few days). Since she was from the town right next to where I work, we met up nearby and proceeded to have a great night. I taught her the basics of that type of poker and a few tips, we went and played pool, and then grabbed an ice cream at Friendly's. She told me that I reminded her of a combination of a lot of her friends and that she should introduce me to them. I asked if she'd be willing to do something again and she said she'd like to. We parted and I went home.
Upon arriving, I IMed her to thank her for the fun night out and said that if we did anything when she got back, it might be cool for her to check out my area of the Bay State. Seeing as how she had jury duty the next morning for the first time ever, I also suggested that she indicate that she didn't like certain types of people if she didn't want to get picked (bias and all that), but did so jokingly with a :) icon.
There was no response that night or the next morning. At some point later that day, I sent her a txt asking how the jury duty went or was going...and never heard back. When I got home, she was online but idle and had been so for nearly 16 hours, so I commented that she must have had a busy day (you know, a jumping off point for a conversation if she returned later that night while I was still around). Again, no response.
Guessing she'd been really busy prepping for the trip, I thought I'd try saying hi over the phone during my lunch break. I'd called her the day we went out to confirm and she recognized my number from our previous conversation and even txt'd me later to find out where I was. However, when I called I got her voicemail and I was leaving a quick message, I received a txt from her asking, "Who is this?" Confused, I responded with that information and said I was just saying hello and if she wanted to talk to give me a call in a couple hours when I went on my lunch break. I heard nothing.
When I got home, she still wasn't online and had suddenly vanished from my friends on MySpace...but was still there on Facebook. Starting to suspect that outside forces were at work, I messaged her through Facebook with an account of the strangeness from earlier and said that I'd talk to her when she got back from her trip. I went to a friend's place and, due to a nagging feeling in the back of my mind, punched-up her screenname on his buddy list...and there she was, on for 6 hours but idle. Now I was kinda ticked. I mean, if she didn't enjoy herself and didn't want to see me again, why say all that? And it's not like I was overagressive afterward. A couple relatively neutral IMs and a single txt message? Come on! After having such a fun night out together, is that really that much that fast?
While I fought the urge to do so for as long as possible, I eventually decided that I couldn't wait a week or more to figure out what the hell was going on. After all, if she wasn't interested that was time I would lose by waiting. So I txt'd her one last time, apologizing if I'd somehow been misunderstood or offended her in any way (I'll admit I was slightly not sober, so it was probably a dumb idea on my part, but still) to see if it would elicit a response.
It did.
I received a txt saying, "I don't really want to be mean, but I don't think this is going to work out." Well, it actually was typed a lot more poorly than that (which was unusual since she had been perfect in the previous couple times when we went out), but I was stunned. I mean...what the fuck? I did everything I was supposed to: thanked her for a fun time out, made a suggestion for a future plan without making it sound like I was ready to introduce her as my girlfriend to people (I wasn't, we went out once and I don't even know if it should be classified as a date), and even checked-in a couple days later.
After spending 4 hours with someone and telling them you want them to meet your friends and that you'd like to do something with them again, I don't think that's the sort of attention that would freak someone out.
Anyway, I responded by saying that that was okay if that's what she wanted, but I was curious as to why. When she didn't respond within a few minutes, I sent one more thanking her for a fun night and saying I was sorry that it sounded like it would be the only one of its kind between us and to take care.
So I'm sitting here, 72 hours after having a really fun night out with a girl that was pretty, smart, and seemed to really enjoy my company wondering what the hell went wrong. I have theories about who may have actually been behind the curtain (her best friend is a guy, so maybe he really likes her and has access to stuff and is trying to sabotage it, which might explain why she's still listed as a friend on Facebook if he doesn't have a password, or maybe her mother, whom she agreed might freak out if she learned her daughter went out with a guy she met on the Internet). But, more probably, it was her (at least in the end, if not at first) and it was probably because of something I did or said either right before she got out of the car or in the next couple days while trying to remain friendly without being overbearing.
So, to those of you out there who know better on this sort of thing, enlighten me. And answer me this question: do I just let it go or do I try her one last time after she gets back and has been back for a week or so if I haven't heard from her by then? Is it better for me to say okay and mean it or is it worth one last hurrah to see if I can somehow get ahold of her and explain my side of things?
It's not even that she's apparently not interested that bothers me so much as the sudden wall that was put up and the lack of explanation. I'm at a loss and would like to know and, seeing as how I may not get it from her, I'm hoping the members of the congregation can fill me in here.
Thanks.
GO SOX!