Why?
People often ask me why I choose not to breed. I often hear things like "You'd make a great parent!" and "Kids are so much fun!"
Fuck off.
Ok, first, let me state for the record that once upon a time I wanted very badly to become a parent. My first significant other had a son when we met. Over the two years I spent with them, I became a sort of surrogate parent, and I really liked that. So after the final breakup, I wanted offspring.
When I met the Chosen Spousal Unit, there was much discussion on the matter. The Chosen Spousal Unit thought that all children were hellspawn, poorly behaved and annoying, and there was no desire to burden ourselves with that for eighteen years. I had to work hard to communicate that the behaviour of a child is not an inherent state, but is the result of the parents' techniques for nurturing that child.
Eventually, the Chosen Spousal Unit had a change of opinion. Suddenly, children were desirable. Unfortunately, my opinion changed as well. Here's why:
An organisation of people with interests similar to ours (mine and the Chosen Spousal Unit's) had, as two other members, a married couple that had a son and a daughter. These two children came with the parents to meetings. So I got to see up close how the presence of toddlers made every adult in the area turn into a complete idiot. I don't want my children exposed to this. I don't want to have to refrain from hanging out with other adults because that adult would become a moron in the presence of my child.
One of my siblings recently had a child. My parents have gone crazy. I don't want them having the sort of presence and influence with my child that they have with my sibling's child.
I, unlike most other people out there, am acutely aware that the world does not revolve around me. If I were to have a child, it would not be the child that had obligations to me, but vice versa; I would be responsible for giving that child everything he or she needs to be a happy, healthy, intelligent person at some point in the future. That would be a lot of work. And quite frankly, I'm not willing to sacrifice the time I get to spend with the Chosen Spousal Unit for a son or daughter. I didn't get married to spend time not being a spouse; why would I give up the joy that I get from being and having a spouse to transform myself into a parent? I know from experience and from observation that it is amazingly difficult to be both a really good spouse and a really good parent. I'm not willing to be less than really good in either category. So why risk it?
I've been reading a book on child development. There's a lot of fascinating information in there, and some of it I already knew, but there's a lot of extra stuff that I didn't know (I found out, for example, that there is a critical period in the development of the neural system during which a person gains the ability to see vertical lines, and if that person is not exposed to vertical lines during that period, he will NEVER be able to see vertical lines; this means that walking through doors is difficult, walking into lampposts is common, and I can't even begin to imagine what other problems this would cause). I always knew that being a really good parent is a lot of work, but it is becoming apparent to me that to be the very best parent I can be (and I refuse to aim for anything less -- this world is already full of fucking idiots, I will NOT add another one to the lot) will require nearly perpetual vigilance and work for the next eighteen years. It's too hard to try to be a really good parent, even if I'm not also trying to be a really good spouse.
People say things to me like, "You'd be a great parent. If you had a kid, he'd be smarter than the other kids that are running around. It'd be an improvement to the world." You know what? Fuck the world. I read articles like this one and I think, "This world is screwed. It cannot be saved. Why bother? And why would I want to bring a child into a world where shit like this happens?" Fuck the world. Once I'm gone, the world can launch every nuclear missile it has and kill every human being on the planet, and I'm to the point where I think the world would be better off that way.
People talk to me about the "genetic heritage" that a child provides. A friend of mine once pointed to his son and said, "Genetic immortality." You know what? I'll settle for intellectual immortality. I have created several works of which I am inordinately proud, and after I'm gone, they will remain. This is much more endearing to me than "genetic immortality."
People talk to me about how much fun it is to be a parent. Except for one thing: THEY'RE CHILDREN, FOR GOD'S SAKE! They're not fucking pets! They're not there to amuse you! They're there to grow into adults, and you, as a parent, have a responsibility to ensure they become good adults. YOUR KIDS do NOT have a responsibility to YOU to ENTERTAIN YOU.
So that's my opinion on the matter. I step back and think about this topic, and I just find myself wondering, "Why on earth would any intelligent person bring a child into this world?" Of course, I'm not at all surprised that stupid people breed like rabbits. Idiocracy is disturbingly close to the truth.
That's just my opinion, I could be wrong.
/rant
Fuck off.
Ok, first, let me state for the record that once upon a time I wanted very badly to become a parent. My first significant other had a son when we met. Over the two years I spent with them, I became a sort of surrogate parent, and I really liked that. So after the final breakup, I wanted offspring.
When I met the Chosen Spousal Unit, there was much discussion on the matter. The Chosen Spousal Unit thought that all children were hellspawn, poorly behaved and annoying, and there was no desire to burden ourselves with that for eighteen years. I had to work hard to communicate that the behaviour of a child is not an inherent state, but is the result of the parents' techniques for nurturing that child.
Eventually, the Chosen Spousal Unit had a change of opinion. Suddenly, children were desirable. Unfortunately, my opinion changed as well. Here's why:
An organisation of people with interests similar to ours (mine and the Chosen Spousal Unit's) had, as two other members, a married couple that had a son and a daughter. These two children came with the parents to meetings. So I got to see up close how the presence of toddlers made every adult in the area turn into a complete idiot. I don't want my children exposed to this. I don't want to have to refrain from hanging out with other adults because that adult would become a moron in the presence of my child.
One of my siblings recently had a child. My parents have gone crazy. I don't want them having the sort of presence and influence with my child that they have with my sibling's child.
I, unlike most other people out there, am acutely aware that the world does not revolve around me. If I were to have a child, it would not be the child that had obligations to me, but vice versa; I would be responsible for giving that child everything he or she needs to be a happy, healthy, intelligent person at some point in the future. That would be a lot of work. And quite frankly, I'm not willing to sacrifice the time I get to spend with the Chosen Spousal Unit for a son or daughter. I didn't get married to spend time not being a spouse; why would I give up the joy that I get from being and having a spouse to transform myself into a parent? I know from experience and from observation that it is amazingly difficult to be both a really good spouse and a really good parent. I'm not willing to be less than really good in either category. So why risk it?
I've been reading a book on child development. There's a lot of fascinating information in there, and some of it I already knew, but there's a lot of extra stuff that I didn't know (I found out, for example, that there is a critical period in the development of the neural system during which a person gains the ability to see vertical lines, and if that person is not exposed to vertical lines during that period, he will NEVER be able to see vertical lines; this means that walking through doors is difficult, walking into lampposts is common, and I can't even begin to imagine what other problems this would cause). I always knew that being a really good parent is a lot of work, but it is becoming apparent to me that to be the very best parent I can be (and I refuse to aim for anything less -- this world is already full of fucking idiots, I will NOT add another one to the lot) will require nearly perpetual vigilance and work for the next eighteen years. It's too hard to try to be a really good parent, even if I'm not also trying to be a really good spouse.
People say things to me like, "You'd be a great parent. If you had a kid, he'd be smarter than the other kids that are running around. It'd be an improvement to the world." You know what? Fuck the world. I read articles like this one and I think, "This world is screwed. It cannot be saved. Why bother? And why would I want to bring a child into a world where shit like this happens?" Fuck the world. Once I'm gone, the world can launch every nuclear missile it has and kill every human being on the planet, and I'm to the point where I think the world would be better off that way.
People talk to me about the "genetic heritage" that a child provides. A friend of mine once pointed to his son and said, "Genetic immortality." You know what? I'll settle for intellectual immortality. I have created several works of which I am inordinately proud, and after I'm gone, they will remain. This is much more endearing to me than "genetic immortality."
People talk to me about how much fun it is to be a parent. Except for one thing: THEY'RE CHILDREN, FOR GOD'S SAKE! They're not fucking pets! They're not there to amuse you! They're there to grow into adults, and you, as a parent, have a responsibility to ensure they become good adults. YOUR KIDS do NOT have a responsibility to YOU to ENTERTAIN YOU.
So that's my opinion on the matter. I step back and think about this topic, and I just find myself wondering, "Why on earth would any intelligent person bring a child into this world?" Of course, I'm not at all surprised that stupid people breed like rabbits. Idiocracy is disturbingly close to the truth.
That's just my opinion, I could be wrong.
/rant