Everything changes yet stays the same
I remember when I first started writing on here. It was when I started dating Terry and just needed to vent about men in general. And now, a few years later, my name is still here but they deleted my entries. It's sort of fitting that it should be that way. Terry never really meant something to me. Really Benjamin was the only one that ever touched my heart-allowed me to fall in love with him. And now that's over too.
I guess it was when iI found out that Rachel was going to be moving to kC with me that i really realized that I didn't need or want him in my life anymore. I think I really thought I needed him-this person that was a liar. Someone so unlike me. He would cheat, steal, and lie to achieve whatever goal he wanted. Benjamin always told me what a nice person I was-he just recognized someone with integrity. And I can be brave with my words here because they are buried away in the far recesses of some database where he will NEVER stumble across them. I miss him. But I had to do it-I had to tell him I couldn't be his friend anymore. For anyone out there that is reading this and just broke up with your ex (or your first love in my case) YOU CAN NOT BE FRIENDS. A thosand people told me that and I really just thought I could handle it-I couldn't. I think for guys it's so much easier to move on and just forget. Women have to process and over-analyze it to death. Dunno why.
So here I am-a 23 year old girl-I guess young woman now-graduated, on my way to grad school. I know my passions (music and spanish) and I know God has me headed in the right direction. I guess the difference is this time I am excited and not so scared. I guess because Rachel will be there with me-my sister-my best friend. Maybe that's why I could finally say goodbye to Benjamin-because Rachel WOULD NOW be there for the hard stuff.
I just am so amazed with God's plans for me-for everyone. It wasn't until I took that first step and decided that I didn't want Ben in my life that God changed Rachel's mind about the peace corps. I literally got down on my knees and started thanking him when I found out she was moving to KC. I was tooo excited.
I don't want this entry to be all about Benjamin-for the past 2 years, he has been it for me. But I am ready now-to be single in a new city. Find a new catholic church like Holy Family and make new connections all over again. Gosh I truly hope I do find that. Ahh-well I guess I am off to tutor my kids in german-why couldn't this program have been trying to teach them Spanish-sooo much easier for me.
Anyway-Ya me voy. estoy tann triste que no puedo ir a costa rica pero lo se que necesito pasar tiempo con mi valeria en nashville-eso es lo mas importante. Y todos que pueden enteder mis palabras-ciao-buena suerte en todo
I guess it was when iI found out that Rachel was going to be moving to kC with me that i really realized that I didn't need or want him in my life anymore. I think I really thought I needed him-this person that was a liar. Someone so unlike me. He would cheat, steal, and lie to achieve whatever goal he wanted. Benjamin always told me what a nice person I was-he just recognized someone with integrity. And I can be brave with my words here because they are buried away in the far recesses of some database where he will NEVER stumble across them. I miss him. But I had to do it-I had to tell him I couldn't be his friend anymore. For anyone out there that is reading this and just broke up with your ex (or your first love in my case) YOU CAN NOT BE FRIENDS. A thosand people told me that and I really just thought I could handle it-I couldn't. I think for guys it's so much easier to move on and just forget. Women have to process and over-analyze it to death. Dunno why.
So here I am-a 23 year old girl-I guess young woman now-graduated, on my way to grad school. I know my passions (music and spanish) and I know God has me headed in the right direction. I guess the difference is this time I am excited and not so scared. I guess because Rachel will be there with me-my sister-my best friend. Maybe that's why I could finally say goodbye to Benjamin-because Rachel WOULD NOW be there for the hard stuff.
I just am so amazed with God's plans for me-for everyone. It wasn't until I took that first step and decided that I didn't want Ben in my life that God changed Rachel's mind about the peace corps. I literally got down on my knees and started thanking him when I found out she was moving to KC. I was tooo excited.
I don't want this entry to be all about Benjamin-for the past 2 years, he has been it for me. But I am ready now-to be single in a new city. Find a new catholic church like Holy Family and make new connections all over again. Gosh I truly hope I do find that. Ahh-well I guess I am off to tutor my kids in german-why couldn't this program have been trying to teach them Spanish-sooo much easier for me.
Anyway-Ya me voy. estoy tann triste que no puedo ir a costa rica pero lo se que necesito pasar tiempo con mi valeria en nashville-eso es lo mas importante. Y todos que pueden enteder mis palabras-ciao-buena suerte en todo