When he is in pain, I am in pain.

[akuen_sama]

So this entire weekend has been quite eventful. Cameron had surgery on his chest on Thursday and I went with him. The surgery went pretty well and he was feeling ok a few hours later. Friday his left breast was so swollen because it hadn't been draining that the stitches were oozing blood. I went with him to the doctor and he cut open the stitches and removed the blood clot while Cameron was awake. I know it must have hurt him physically, but it hurt me emotionally. I was so close to crying out for the doctor to stop it. I wanted to grab Cameron and hold him to me. I hated to see that happen to him. He was much better over the weekend and I stayed with him for most of the time. He had surgery again today to make sure the blood clot was removed completely and I wasn't able to go with him. I was quite distraught all day. I was so worried that there would be complications or he'd die. I just wanted to go with him. The anethestic made him really sick this time. The symptoms were much worse. He's been half unconscious all day and I haven't been able to see him. His mother said she wasn't going to pick me up because "he wouldn't know you were there anyway." I know he wouldn't, but I don't care. He's much more than just my "boyfriend". He is my lover and soul mate. When he is sad, I am sad. When he is in pain, I am in pain. When he is away, I feel empty and incomplete. I can't stand not seeing him. I'm so fucking worried, even though I know he's ok and that he's just a bit out of it. I wish I had a fucking car. Then I could go see him without having to get a ride from someone.

He's awake now and texting me that he wants to see me and that his mother is stupid, but I still don't think I will be able to see him. I feel so shitty without knowing if he's truly ok.