Torn
No, this is not about the mid-90s Natalie Imbruglia song (and kudos if you get the reference).
No, this is about a decision with regards to school, and I wouldn't mind a little bit of clarity, which I seem to be lacking lately.
So as you may be aware if you've read any of my journal, I'm in college as an education major. Since I'm still in prerequisite courses, I am still technically not declared, but I've always considered myself an elementary education major. However, I've always said that more than anything, I want to teach art, but I don't think I'd get a job teaching art these days, sadly.
So a component of these prerequisite classes is that we have some in-school observation hours, basically you sit and watch the classrooms and see what it's like, to see if it's really something that we'd want to do (but also to tie into the classes themselves, one is the Intro to Education class and the other is Teaching Diverse Populations). We don't get to choose our placements, so while I stated on my placement application that I'd like an elementary school, I got placed at a local high school.
I was bound and determined to make the most of what I got anyway, because these are just observation hours, I'm not teaching, I'm not even interacting with the students, I'm just sitting there watching and writing notes. (And this might be a good time to point out that I wrote fourteen pages of notes my first day out. Yep.)
So I met with the teacher, who was gracious enough to let me come observe his classes, I had taken the entire day off to get a good chunk of my hours started, and I started to observe. There were a lot of things I could see but one thing I didn't count on:
I found myself wanting to be in a high school environment.
Well shit, that's not what I had planned! But I kind of loved it. I could see so much with these kids. The ones who'd participate and the ones who were troublemakers and the fact that they're young adults (and the fact that I may have even reblogged one or two of them on Tumblr without even knowing it) ... I loved it.
But here lies the problem: If I stay with elementary ed, I can move into the College of Education at SPC, where I go now, right after this semester, since finishing this current semester will get me my AA (finally) and my prerequisite courses will all be done.
However, if I choose to change to a secondary education program, there are only two I could choose from in order to remain at SPC: Secondary Math or Secondary Science. And I don't hate math, but I don't really love it. And science? Um, no. And either way, I'd have to take at least one more semester of prerequisites to get into the program, which further extends my time in school before getting my degree. Unless I decide to kill myself again and take another semester of 6 classes. (Not recommended.)
And then if I choose to, I could transfer to USF, which is a damn good school and has pretty much any program I could want, but is further from my apartment by a considerable amount and much more expensive than SPC. Not only that, I would also have to take other prerequisite courses to get into a program, and then I'd also have to actually get accepted to USF. Which probably wouldn't be an issue, but it's not as easy as just walking into SPC with my $40 registration fee, sending my transcripts, and registering for classes.
Thing is, I'm just not sure that young children are where my heart is anymore. I thought I would like elementary because while I wouldn't be following my first passion - art (and dance, of course, but that falls under art) - I could use art in teaching younger children. Then again, older kids still like to do creative projects, don't they? I just can't believe how comfortable I felt in the high school environment. I just don't know. I think I would be happy teaching anywhere. But I think I just might be happiest teaching in high school.
And I just have to weigh that versus being able to finish sooner and less expensively, because I really don't want to be paying off debt posthumously. I just don't know. Logically, I should go into elementary ed because I can go right in and I can always pursue another specialization later, right? But ... but ... I just don't know if that's quite what I want to do anymore.
I ran all of this by my man candy earlier and let him know what I was thinking, and he just gave me the advice to "make the best decision I can." Which, yeah, of course, but didn't help really. Then again, it's not like he can make the decision for me. Only I can. But he asked me about my GPA and a few other things and I got the sense that he'd support me no matter what decision I make, because Mr. Working on a PhD here knows all about education and has been my biggest supporter through it - and a very good part of the reason I actually went back to school in the first place. Makes me smile - he's been good for me.
So I don't know. I just don't know what I should do. Obviously I have some decisions to make. I will probably talk to one or two of my professors and ask what they think, maybe they'll have better insight, having been in the field and possibly in the same boat. Other than that, I think I'm just going to need to take some time and soul-search a little and go through the remainder of my observation hours and see if that helps sway me either way.
Feeling better having gotten that one out ... sometimes I just need to "talk it out." Though in this case, there was no talking. You know. Whatever.
No, this is about a decision with regards to school, and I wouldn't mind a little bit of clarity, which I seem to be lacking lately.
So as you may be aware if you've read any of my journal, I'm in college as an education major. Since I'm still in prerequisite courses, I am still technically not declared, but I've always considered myself an elementary education major. However, I've always said that more than anything, I want to teach art, but I don't think I'd get a job teaching art these days, sadly.
So a component of these prerequisite classes is that we have some in-school observation hours, basically you sit and watch the classrooms and see what it's like, to see if it's really something that we'd want to do (but also to tie into the classes themselves, one is the Intro to Education class and the other is Teaching Diverse Populations). We don't get to choose our placements, so while I stated on my placement application that I'd like an elementary school, I got placed at a local high school.
I was bound and determined to make the most of what I got anyway, because these are just observation hours, I'm not teaching, I'm not even interacting with the students, I'm just sitting there watching and writing notes. (And this might be a good time to point out that I wrote fourteen pages of notes my first day out. Yep.)
So I met with the teacher, who was gracious enough to let me come observe his classes, I had taken the entire day off to get a good chunk of my hours started, and I started to observe. There were a lot of things I could see but one thing I didn't count on:
I found myself wanting to be in a high school environment.
Well shit, that's not what I had planned! But I kind of loved it. I could see so much with these kids. The ones who'd participate and the ones who were troublemakers and the fact that they're young adults (and the fact that I may have even reblogged one or two of them on Tumblr without even knowing it) ... I loved it.
But here lies the problem: If I stay with elementary ed, I can move into the College of Education at SPC, where I go now, right after this semester, since finishing this current semester will get me my AA (finally) and my prerequisite courses will all be done.
However, if I choose to change to a secondary education program, there are only two I could choose from in order to remain at SPC: Secondary Math or Secondary Science. And I don't hate math, but I don't really love it. And science? Um, no. And either way, I'd have to take at least one more semester of prerequisites to get into the program, which further extends my time in school before getting my degree. Unless I decide to kill myself again and take another semester of 6 classes. (Not recommended.)
And then if I choose to, I could transfer to USF, which is a damn good school and has pretty much any program I could want, but is further from my apartment by a considerable amount and much more expensive than SPC. Not only that, I would also have to take other prerequisite courses to get into a program, and then I'd also have to actually get accepted to USF. Which probably wouldn't be an issue, but it's not as easy as just walking into SPC with my $40 registration fee, sending my transcripts, and registering for classes.
Thing is, I'm just not sure that young children are where my heart is anymore. I thought I would like elementary because while I wouldn't be following my first passion - art (and dance, of course, but that falls under art) - I could use art in teaching younger children. Then again, older kids still like to do creative projects, don't they? I just can't believe how comfortable I felt in the high school environment. I just don't know. I think I would be happy teaching anywhere. But I think I just might be happiest teaching in high school.
And I just have to weigh that versus being able to finish sooner and less expensively, because I really don't want to be paying off debt posthumously. I just don't know. Logically, I should go into elementary ed because I can go right in and I can always pursue another specialization later, right? But ... but ... I just don't know if that's quite what I want to do anymore.
I ran all of this by my man candy earlier and let him know what I was thinking, and he just gave me the advice to "make the best decision I can." Which, yeah, of course, but didn't help really. Then again, it's not like he can make the decision for me. Only I can. But he asked me about my GPA and a few other things and I got the sense that he'd support me no matter what decision I make, because Mr. Working on a PhD here knows all about education and has been my biggest supporter through it - and a very good part of the reason I actually went back to school in the first place. Makes me smile - he's been good for me.
So I don't know. I just don't know what I should do. Obviously I have some decisions to make. I will probably talk to one or two of my professors and ask what they think, maybe they'll have better insight, having been in the field and possibly in the same boat. Other than that, I think I'm just going to need to take some time and soul-search a little and go through the remainder of my observation hours and see if that helps sway me either way.
Feeling better having gotten that one out ... sometimes I just need to "talk it out." Though in this case, there was no talking. You know. Whatever.