(no subject)
*sigh* I wake up in the morning... and wait for her to wag her tail and hit the wall real hard with her tail a billion times... but I dont hear it anymore. Those nicknames no longer exsist; "stinkybutt, stink pot, ebenesier" ..now their only memories of names of a dog I once had *sigh* I come down the stairs and wait to hear her tail wag and hit the wall... but nope, not anymore. Just silence... I'm so sad.. everytime I think about it, I feel like I'll see her tomorrow.. I'll see her real soon. But, I know I wont be seeing her anytime soon. It feels so weird w/out her. I should of opened mai mouth... but I bit mai tongue. I didnt say what I knew was right -- inside when mai mom said to put her down, I was supposed to have told her to stop.. and that I insisted that she would be fine through surgery... but she would just tell me that she wouldn't make it. Changing her mind would be so hard... but I didn't say anything. I just watched as she was injected with the need. One second she's alive, another she's dead. I want to blame maiself.. but I know I shouldn't. I cant stop crying because I know I wont see her... I just want to lay there and remember the memories. I'd say I'm the weakest in the house.. I'm the one who's suffering the most.. I spent ALOT of time with her. Hell, we even slept under the dining-room table together... if only dogs could talk and tell us they're in pain.. not having to wait until their almost dead. Errgh, even if we did bring her back home and wait for her to die... she probably would of died and suffered this morning. I guess... whatever wuz coming out of her.. was the infection. Er.. I cant take it. I want to see her. I hate having the last memory with her when she was being put to sleep. I kissed her head and then watched them inject her and slowly her head went down and eyes closed.. the nurse looking to me and my dad listening to her heart beat, "she's gone" she said. I remember being last out of the room and seeing her lay there dead so peacefully... and that was the last of seeing her. I remember ebeny always smelled like grapes. To me atleast... *sigh* Im gonna cry real soon again.. and I dont wanna cry in class...