Feb 1 2010 Evening

[aknaru]

I'm glad I started writing everything down and it helps me feel better and it clears my head. I've had a lot of time to think lately and writting it down is helping me with dealing with everything thats going on. It's something safe and secure that I can go back to, Maybe sometimes I forget that and I shouldn't take it for granted. The only way to become great at something is to keep trying at it and make it better. Love is the same way maybe you won't get it right the first time or the second or ... who knows how many tries it takes to make it work. When I lived in the first house on my own Lacie moved in with me. It was a huge deal for both of us and I know I can say I was scared as hell and I'm sure she would agree with me. Me and Lacie shared a special bond back then and it was untainted with problems. I was the happiest I had ever been and it will always be remembered in my life. I didn't know what to expect and I was so scared and nervous that I would screw it up. What if I couldn't do it, what if I ruined everyones lives that moved in with me. I took a lot of burden on my shoulders just doing what we were doing. We moved into the house and everything was great at first. There were no problems everyone was just happy to be free of family. Then everyone realized that growing up wasn't so easy. I definatly realized it and I hoped everyday that we would get through it. I went through a very rough time back then and I didn't even realize it at the time. I had my shining star to help me through it and I hurt her. I didn't hit her or abuse her but I made her sad and I made her cry and I wasn't able to talk to her fully about the thoughts that were going on in my head. I don't deal with stress well it causes me to hurt and in turn I lashed out and hurt the most important thing to me. I was wrong and I know this. I can't change it and I can't fix. Knowing now what I didn't have the brains to see then I realize that I never should have stayed there. I should have moved us out of the house it is a cesspit and a terrible place. Instead what did I do. I clung on to the hope that I wasn't gonna fail and I did I crashed big time. We moved in with Chris and Lyndsay and even though She was a bitch and it was slightly disgusting living with them I was happy. I hope she was happy too. We didn't fight very much there and it was really a good place in our relationship cause we worked together as a team. After that we went and lived with lacie's parents I felt so terrible that I couldn't get us a place of our own and it pained me but it was also good for us. I connected with most of her family. I really did and even though there not the most functional group of people. They are very strong, No matter what happened with them in the past and mistakes they made they are still trying. I know that her parents love each other soo much and they are deep down truly happy together. Nolan is a douche he really is but under neath all that he is one of the best kids I have ever met. He has a strong heart and he holds true to himself. He's a little strong headed, which is a definate family trait, but he cares. He cares so much and it makes me happy to know that there are families like that in this world. They all love each other so much and Lacie is a really lucky girl to have them.

Goodnight Livejournal, Thanks for helping.