Jan 30, 2010
Ok so It's been like a year since I last posted and really that one didn't count because it was just a story. I've been busy in the last couple years and may have forgotten all about this Livejournal but I still know why I made it and it is still very special to me. I've had a shitstorm of a time lately and what do you know I remembered the password.
SO anyways quick recap I moved about 6 times got engaged to lacie had some good roommates that got fucked and had some twisted roommates that were fucked. I've had fat roommates and slow roommates and total cunts for roommates and I still have good memories from everywhere I have lived. My parents separated my brother is growing like a weed (which is normal I guess) and I've dealt with lost and renewed friendships. Totally lost friendships. Forgotten friendships. Forgotten pains. and I've learned to cope with life as a whole and take it in stride. Now I can't sleep because the Girl I love isn't in the same bed as me. Kind of sad really but I devoted my life to spending time with this person and I couldn't have asked for anything better. We went through Hell and back again countless times. Battled off disapproving words and awkward glances. She was very attractive and seemed to like to let me know it whenever she could. But that doesn't matter to me what does is that in the last almost 3 years she has totally and utterly woven her way into my heart. She crawled deep into the darkest parts of my soul and filled it with light she ripped open the wall I had set up around myself and made her self at home. Now she is gone... I admit I ended up taking her for granted and wasn't the best person for her at times but I tried and I loved her. I thought thats what relationships were all about. Not being perfect for taking an imperfection and seeing it as perfect. I wish I could express myself fully to her and show her how truly I care but the walls are back up for her and I'm just another friend. Although I find it unfair because she still looks at me in that right way. Still touches me with that soulmelting skin and opens me up fully with emotion. Which is a hard enough task for anyone to do but damn it she can do it everytime. I am deeply hurt by how fast she is moving on and the person she is deciding to do it with. If she gets with him she will get married to him and be stuck in this buttfuck town for the rest of her life. I mean yeah it's pretty here, there are lots of decent people and she is happy here but does she not see that so am I, I just don't want to stay here forever. I would be happy with her where ever I lived. He is a total fuck and even if she can't see it he is working his way into her zone so that he can fuck her and that is his ultimate goal for now. You don't call someone a perfect woman because they are "Hot, plays video games and smokes weed" Guess what buddy she is Hot and she plays video games to spend time with you because she tries to fit into what you do so that she gets more time. And ALMOST everyone fucking smokes weed. It's a load of horse shit. You see a potential friends or fuck buddy for those reasons... Not love...
Love is deeper then that. It's the smell of her hair in the morning and the look of peace on her face when she sleeps... It's the softness of her skin and the feel of her breath on your skin. It's the way she can make your skin crawl by walking into the room and the sound of her voice when she talks to you. It's the way she rips your heart out when you made her cry or can't help her cause she's crying. It's the sparkle deep in her eyes that reeks of intelligence and totally amazing person. It's the happy face she can put on even when her heart is broke. It's the way she still carries your heart around in her purse where ever she goes. It's the feeling you get when she's out with some fuck that just wants her for her body when your at home unable to sleep because her half of the bed is empty. It's the sense of helplessness you get when you don't know if she's ok and all you can ever think to do is protect her. Love is what the meaning of life is. I love this girl every fiber of my body screams for her and pulls at me with pain cause she is gone...
I took her for granted I really did. I don't know why maybe it was because we were together alot and I was blind to the world but I never realized just the extent that I was wrapped around her finger. I would move Mountains if it would make her view better, I would rotate the sun if it was shining in her eyes. I would alter the stars to spell her name in the sky. I would fall down flat on my knees and beg her for her forgiveness if I though it would work but I know it wouldn't
I have hurt this girl before and it pains me that I did it but I never intentionally meant to hurt her. Lots of the time she was hurt because I would shell off from her when we were in an argument but it's because I didn't want us to fight anymore and I was trying to forget it. I was wrong. I would branch off from whatever she was talking about while she was talking. Not because I meant to but because I am a very active thinker and tend to get word vomit of whatever is on my mind. I never meant to do it but I was wrong. I made this girl cry sometimes without even realizing I was doing it. I regret every tear that she shed and I wish I could take them all away....
Now that I can't do but what I can do is far greater then that. I can wait
I will love you forever and always and will wait for you till the end of time when the bells toll and we are sorted out between good and evil I will wait for you...
I don't know if you will ever read this and I don't even know if I will tell you. Who knows maybe I will but here it is. This is Mike take your best shot
SO anyways quick recap I moved about 6 times got engaged to lacie had some good roommates that got fucked and had some twisted roommates that were fucked. I've had fat roommates and slow roommates and total cunts for roommates and I still have good memories from everywhere I have lived. My parents separated my brother is growing like a weed (which is normal I guess) and I've dealt with lost and renewed friendships. Totally lost friendships. Forgotten friendships. Forgotten pains. and I've learned to cope with life as a whole and take it in stride. Now I can't sleep because the Girl I love isn't in the same bed as me. Kind of sad really but I devoted my life to spending time with this person and I couldn't have asked for anything better. We went through Hell and back again countless times. Battled off disapproving words and awkward glances. She was very attractive and seemed to like to let me know it whenever she could. But that doesn't matter to me what does is that in the last almost 3 years she has totally and utterly woven her way into my heart. She crawled deep into the darkest parts of my soul and filled it with light she ripped open the wall I had set up around myself and made her self at home. Now she is gone... I admit I ended up taking her for granted and wasn't the best person for her at times but I tried and I loved her. I thought thats what relationships were all about. Not being perfect for taking an imperfection and seeing it as perfect. I wish I could express myself fully to her and show her how truly I care but the walls are back up for her and I'm just another friend. Although I find it unfair because she still looks at me in that right way. Still touches me with that soulmelting skin and opens me up fully with emotion. Which is a hard enough task for anyone to do but damn it she can do it everytime. I am deeply hurt by how fast she is moving on and the person she is deciding to do it with. If she gets with him she will get married to him and be stuck in this buttfuck town for the rest of her life. I mean yeah it's pretty here, there are lots of decent people and she is happy here but does she not see that so am I, I just don't want to stay here forever. I would be happy with her where ever I lived. He is a total fuck and even if she can't see it he is working his way into her zone so that he can fuck her and that is his ultimate goal for now. You don't call someone a perfect woman because they are "Hot, plays video games and smokes weed" Guess what buddy she is Hot and she plays video games to spend time with you because she tries to fit into what you do so that she gets more time. And ALMOST everyone fucking smokes weed. It's a load of horse shit. You see a potential friends or fuck buddy for those reasons... Not love...
Love is deeper then that. It's the smell of her hair in the morning and the look of peace on her face when she sleeps... It's the softness of her skin and the feel of her breath on your skin. It's the way she can make your skin crawl by walking into the room and the sound of her voice when she talks to you. It's the way she rips your heart out when you made her cry or can't help her cause she's crying. It's the sparkle deep in her eyes that reeks of intelligence and totally amazing person. It's the happy face she can put on even when her heart is broke. It's the way she still carries your heart around in her purse where ever she goes. It's the feeling you get when she's out with some fuck that just wants her for her body when your at home unable to sleep because her half of the bed is empty. It's the sense of helplessness you get when you don't know if she's ok and all you can ever think to do is protect her. Love is what the meaning of life is. I love this girl every fiber of my body screams for her and pulls at me with pain cause she is gone...
I took her for granted I really did. I don't know why maybe it was because we were together alot and I was blind to the world but I never realized just the extent that I was wrapped around her finger. I would move Mountains if it would make her view better, I would rotate the sun if it was shining in her eyes. I would alter the stars to spell her name in the sky. I would fall down flat on my knees and beg her for her forgiveness if I though it would work but I know it wouldn't
I have hurt this girl before and it pains me that I did it but I never intentionally meant to hurt her. Lots of the time she was hurt because I would shell off from her when we were in an argument but it's because I didn't want us to fight anymore and I was trying to forget it. I was wrong. I would branch off from whatever she was talking about while she was talking. Not because I meant to but because I am a very active thinker and tend to get word vomit of whatever is on my mind. I never meant to do it but I was wrong. I made this girl cry sometimes without even realizing I was doing it. I regret every tear that she shed and I wish I could take them all away....
Now that I can't do but what I can do is far greater then that. I can wait
I will love you forever and always and will wait for you till the end of time when the bells toll and we are sorted out between good and evil I will wait for you...
I don't know if you will ever read this and I don't even know if I will tell you. Who knows maybe I will but here it is. This is Mike take your best shot