Hmm...
Ever have one of those days where you want to kill yourself?
That was me about 3-4 years ago. Wasn't anything big really just lots of little things that built up over time. Not even stuff that should bother me really. Heres a quick list in order of importance:
Mom being single was hard on me as well as her
Belittling comments that shouldn't bother me " Coast is clear big ears is hear"- My uncle
Lack of friends...
Lack of activities
Lack of ambition
Thats really all I got right now but I'm sure there were more that didn't matter as much let alone at all. I started by cutting my shoulders and my knees to get used to pain and to help me vent. It seemed to work everytime I cut I felt like a weight was being lifted off my shoulders (musta been blood loss). Then things just seemed to be getting worse and worse and worse. I was almost at that ZOMG lets dress emo and hate everyone but I couldn't afford to buy emo clothes or cut my hair an emo way. I was to pathetic for the emo kids (my own doing right there)
I tried to do it subtly of course. Garbage bag around my head kind of thing... But as I lied there thinking it was going to be over soon I started thinking about what people would say after I was dead... then i starting thinking about what would happen to my mom... I realized how much I would hurt her and the rest of my family... It kinda struck home right then as a Oh My God moment... it was life changing really... Now I tell all my friend if they need anyone to talk to about anything to talk to me because I will never tell a soul unless they want me to for them and it's been like that since. I know I'm kind of weird and I'm a dick to some people (Sorry Matt you know I love you) but thats about it.
I don't care what people think about me because thats who I am and if they don't like it well thats to bad for them I guess. I like to think people that actually get to know me like me and enjoy hanging around with me but again personal opinion and thats how I see it. If I'm wrong I'm wrong. Life will still go on and I think I'll be in it till I'm ready to leave
Mike Attwood
That was me about 3-4 years ago. Wasn't anything big really just lots of little things that built up over time. Not even stuff that should bother me really. Heres a quick list in order of importance:
Mom being single was hard on me as well as her
Belittling comments that shouldn't bother me " Coast is clear big ears is hear"- My uncle
Lack of friends...
Lack of activities
Lack of ambition
Thats really all I got right now but I'm sure there were more that didn't matter as much let alone at all. I started by cutting my shoulders and my knees to get used to pain and to help me vent. It seemed to work everytime I cut I felt like a weight was being lifted off my shoulders (musta been blood loss). Then things just seemed to be getting worse and worse and worse. I was almost at that ZOMG lets dress emo and hate everyone but I couldn't afford to buy emo clothes or cut my hair an emo way. I was to pathetic for the emo kids (my own doing right there)
I tried to do it subtly of course. Garbage bag around my head kind of thing... But as I lied there thinking it was going to be over soon I started thinking about what people would say after I was dead... then i starting thinking about what would happen to my mom... I realized how much I would hurt her and the rest of my family... It kinda struck home right then as a Oh My God moment... it was life changing really... Now I tell all my friend if they need anyone to talk to about anything to talk to me because I will never tell a soul unless they want me to for them and it's been like that since. I know I'm kind of weird and I'm a dick to some people (Sorry Matt you know I love you) but thats about it.
I don't care what people think about me because thats who I am and if they don't like it well thats to bad for them I guess. I like to think people that actually get to know me like me and enjoy hanging around with me but again personal opinion and thats how I see it. If I'm wrong I'm wrong. Life will still go on and I think I'll be in it till I'm ready to leave
Mike Attwood