Does it always feel this good on your first time?
This is my first Live Journal post so I should probably write something to draw you in and make you want to read my journal every day... My writing just isn't that good bitch! I'm never amusing when I try to be, but I've been told that my occasional insanity is amusing. I'll try very hard to write only when I'm on the brink. Before I get into today's entry... Mad Shouts to ANO730 for getting me started. He is the shiznit and you should all read his journal too. (It's wicked intriguing most of the time.) Yes bitch, I said "wicked intriguing". You know you love it. Anyways, today I'll talk about my new state of being.
I'm not really sure when it happened, but recently I've been feeling really good about myself. Like, actually emotionally better. When I got to Princeton in the fall, I felt like shit. I felt: fat, ugly, boring, unamusing, stupid, unloved, unloveable... whatever. Basically, I didn't feel like it was possible for anyone to like me for ME... like to want to be my friend or be around me in general. I was more insecure than I had ever been. It got worse and worse as the semester progressed. I felt alone and just sucked. One of my roommates was really supportive though, and it probably would've been a lot worse if it wasn't for her being with me and I know a lot of people were concerned and people were praying for me, but I guess I just had to go through it. The details don't matter. Anyways, something happened... I don't know what and I can't really determine when... I guess I realized that if people didn't want to be around me or care about me then they wouldn't make an effort. And it really took effort... I was really unapproachable and mean I suppose even though I was just trying to protect myself. I stopped feeling incredibly fat and ugly. It dawned on me that I really had something to offer... not like "one day when I grow up" shit... I felt like I had something to offer NOW, and it was nice. I could talk to more people, I wasn't uncomfortable around the same people...
So that's where I am right now. I'm trying to burst out of this cocoon that I had wrapped around myself for so long... but it's hard to get out of something that thick and strong, u know what I mean? There are so many things I want to let go of, things that I know are keeping me back and stuck in the same condition... but i'm working on it. I'm trying to find myself. (it sounds cheesy, but it's true.) I'm not completely sure who I am without the baggage and the bitterness. That's part of the reason I wanted to write in this journal... It's good to verbalize things.
Welcome to my world. I promise to be completely honest and give you all a real view into my head.
Disclaimer: I may seem insane at times... I am not. I promise.
I'm not really sure when it happened, but recently I've been feeling really good about myself. Like, actually emotionally better. When I got to Princeton in the fall, I felt like shit. I felt: fat, ugly, boring, unamusing, stupid, unloved, unloveable... whatever. Basically, I didn't feel like it was possible for anyone to like me for ME... like to want to be my friend or be around me in general. I was more insecure than I had ever been. It got worse and worse as the semester progressed. I felt alone and just sucked. One of my roommates was really supportive though, and it probably would've been a lot worse if it wasn't for her being with me and I know a lot of people were concerned and people were praying for me, but I guess I just had to go through it. The details don't matter. Anyways, something happened... I don't know what and I can't really determine when... I guess I realized that if people didn't want to be around me or care about me then they wouldn't make an effort. And it really took effort... I was really unapproachable and mean I suppose even though I was just trying to protect myself. I stopped feeling incredibly fat and ugly. It dawned on me that I really had something to offer... not like "one day when I grow up" shit... I felt like I had something to offer NOW, and it was nice. I could talk to more people, I wasn't uncomfortable around the same people...
So that's where I am right now. I'm trying to burst out of this cocoon that I had wrapped around myself for so long... but it's hard to get out of something that thick and strong, u know what I mean? There are so many things I want to let go of, things that I know are keeping me back and stuck in the same condition... but i'm working on it. I'm trying to find myself. (it sounds cheesy, but it's true.) I'm not completely sure who I am without the baggage and the bitterness. That's part of the reason I wanted to write in this journal... It's good to verbalize things.
Welcome to my world. I promise to be completely honest and give you all a real view into my head.
Disclaimer: I may seem insane at times... I am not. I promise.