Things She Told Herself

[akka_pelah]

...finding words in old journals that seem so timely.

Excerpts from entries spilled in the last year and a half.

~

she remembers romance

her shelves dusty with the pollen of it's decay

it's shadows caressing her walls

a still life for love

a collection of artifacts carefully catalogued

a legal size manila envelope for all those letters that were really meant to burn

still, she remembers romance and

she waits for it's return

~

i want you to remember that place in the small of my back

i want you to reach for it, to touch me into arousal

and like your hunger, is my hunger, is our hunger

i want you to take my mouth in yours

to hover moistened before the plunge,

the anticipated immersion, and

the beautiful lingering

i want your body to rest atop of mine

i want the weight of being

and when i'm gone

i want your hands to trace the air behind my movements

as though they were a part of me that had fallen behind, my hair blown by the breeze

i want our bodies to lose track of where you begin and i end

our tangling limbs interchangeable

our minds intersecting parallels

our blood pumping with the pulse of one heart

~

my heart matches the season

i am spring in it's first bright hues

i am peeking out to feel the last days of cold on my fleshy pink petals

so that i can simply have known the experience

i am pushing through the soil to raise my chin to the sun

as it tilts to conjure the warmth every flower before me has known

the present risks are frost and drought but i push through believing the perfect balance exists

i am continually making decisions from a place of hope

i hope to know myself more deeply

i hope to not harden from the heart out

i hope to keep my palms to the sky

i hope to know the loves of my lifetime

i hope to continue choosing this

my faith growing be it in me, him

love is not meant to be understood

love is meant to be explored for all it's mutating and expansive properties

~

I will remember this.