(no subject)
Sometimes a good "woe is me"* moment is needed to keep one's sanity.
Last night Eric showed up after his shift, mere minutes after my parents came home. I'd already had it with my mother by this point, whom (I think) has killed most of her brain cells drinking. That's the only excuse I can come up with. I really don't know what made her go from my mom to this 15-year-old in a 48-year-old's body, but apparently the change is permanent. She acts very stupid, even when she isn't drunk. Nowadays I can't really tell the difference between her being fucked up or sober.
So I just wanted to leave. She embarrassed me, acting all stupid in front of Eric. I got in his truck and we took off. He and I talked awhile, then the conversation took a wonderful turn toward what his mother thinks of me and what I do to make her not really like me.
Yeah. That is great to talk about.
So I get really upset and he starts joking around and then the tears start to pour. I say, "I really should have just taken my car. I don't even want to be here right now." So he lets out a heavy sigh and starts to drive me home. I apologize profusely the whole way.
On the way there, we get behind a drunk driving car full of kids, who didn't move when the light had been green for a few seconds. Eric hit the horn and they took the turn, going ALL over the road, over the lines. Someone in back flips us off constantly and we took a purposeful wrong turn because we didn't want them to know where I lived, then we ended up in my driveway. I sullenly said goodbye to Eric and he told me he'd be up late, so show up if I want to.
I don't know. Maybe it's my hormones. I felt like CRAP.
My dad was acting lethargic and my mom was still acting... stupid as she tends to do on a Saturday night. And it's excusable to them because "It's my day off..." So I go out the back door. I am FED UP.
I just sat in the fold-up chair beside the tiki torch, watching the fireflies in the garden. Then I continued crying. It escalated to sobbing. I don't know if I've done that in awhile, as I'm so concerned with keeping up appearances. I'd never sob in front of someone, because people have looked unrespectable and infantile when they've done it in front of me. But it definitely scratched some sort of itch to let myself go in private like that.
I calmed down after maybe 10 minutes.
Then I just wanted to go somewhere and listen to music, so I hooked up my ipod to my car's tape player and drove all the way down to the Cape - Barnstable, to be exact.
I just thought about all of my stressors and situations. I was gone for an hour or more. I got behind this truck that was doing 25 in a 40 zone, and I saw a car driving around with just the hazard lights flashing down the street.
Clearly, it wasn't a safe night to be driving. Lots of drunks. I ended up going back to Eric's and watching TV, falling asleep next to him on the couch. All that made me feel so much better.
*Did you know that the phrase "woe is me" is the oldest known English phrase that is still in use today? Apparently, it's use dates back to Shakesperian times, if not even further back.
Last night Eric showed up after his shift, mere minutes after my parents came home. I'd already had it with my mother by this point, whom (I think) has killed most of her brain cells drinking. That's the only excuse I can come up with. I really don't know what made her go from my mom to this 15-year-old in a 48-year-old's body, but apparently the change is permanent. She acts very stupid, even when she isn't drunk. Nowadays I can't really tell the difference between her being fucked up or sober.
So I just wanted to leave. She embarrassed me, acting all stupid in front of Eric. I got in his truck and we took off. He and I talked awhile, then the conversation took a wonderful turn toward what his mother thinks of me and what I do to make her not really like me.
Yeah. That is great to talk about.
So I get really upset and he starts joking around and then the tears start to pour. I say, "I really should have just taken my car. I don't even want to be here right now." So he lets out a heavy sigh and starts to drive me home. I apologize profusely the whole way.
On the way there, we get behind a drunk driving car full of kids, who didn't move when the light had been green for a few seconds. Eric hit the horn and they took the turn, going ALL over the road, over the lines. Someone in back flips us off constantly and we took a purposeful wrong turn because we didn't want them to know where I lived, then we ended up in my driveway. I sullenly said goodbye to Eric and he told me he'd be up late, so show up if I want to.
I don't know. Maybe it's my hormones. I felt like CRAP.
My dad was acting lethargic and my mom was still acting... stupid as she tends to do on a Saturday night. And it's excusable to them because "It's my day off..." So I go out the back door. I am FED UP.
I just sat in the fold-up chair beside the tiki torch, watching the fireflies in the garden. Then I continued crying. It escalated to sobbing. I don't know if I've done that in awhile, as I'm so concerned with keeping up appearances. I'd never sob in front of someone, because people have looked unrespectable and infantile when they've done it in front of me. But it definitely scratched some sort of itch to let myself go in private like that.
I calmed down after maybe 10 minutes.
Then I just wanted to go somewhere and listen to music, so I hooked up my ipod to my car's tape player and drove all the way down to the Cape - Barnstable, to be exact.
I just thought about all of my stressors and situations. I was gone for an hour or more. I got behind this truck that was doing 25 in a 40 zone, and I saw a car driving around with just the hazard lights flashing down the street.
Clearly, it wasn't a safe night to be driving. Lots of drunks. I ended up going back to Eric's and watching TV, falling asleep next to him on the couch. All that made me feel so much better.
*Did you know that the phrase "woe is me" is the oldest known English phrase that is still in use today? Apparently, it's use dates back to Shakesperian times, if not even further back.